And here are some more detailed response regarding your post:
His mum and dad will give him money on the side, but only for him, never for “us”.
Frankly, you and your Fiance aren’t married, so the money his parents provide doesn’t need to be for “us” matter. If your Future In-Laws would like to financially help their son, so be it – but I don’t think they need to help both of you out. In fact, I’m a bit confused on what exactly you are expecting from your Future In-Laws – are you expecting them to financially support you? Are you and Fiance tight on money because he doesn’t really have a job? If so, shouldn’t you be grilling your Fiance to man up and take responsibility and think about providing for his potential new family instead of being upset that your Future In-Laws won’t give you money?
She says that she will come round and stay whenever she wants because she helped pay for the flat and therefore it’s hers.
This is actually very common in Korean culture. Parents buy houses/residents for their kids, and they want access to it, claiming it their own. Best thing you and your Fiance can do is move out and be financially independent.
I am 5″8 and a size 6-8 and she said to me I looked “chubby” on some recent photographs and fat (“but I’m sure it’s just the angle”).
I am size xxs, size 00, 5′ – yes, super tiny in every aspect – and yet I am “average” in Asia. I think Asian standards are just ridiculous. Don’t take it too personally, but since it does bother you, let your Future Mother-In-Law know that you are offended right then and there (but politely) when she makes such comments – she’ll eventually get the message.
Almost every wedding idea I’ve shown her she says looks “ugly” and tacky.
Asian parents tend to have a list of what is “right” in their mind for everything (e.g. how to raise a child, how to educate a child, how to plan a wedding, how to live a life, you name it). If it bothers you a lot, then don’t share your ideas! Simple as that.
That I should give up my work and get a regular 9-5 job to support my husband’s creative dream (which I went mental at, I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry).
I don’t understand why this is so offensive, unless you specifically didn’t want to support your husband’s dream. I wouldn’t mind at all keeping a regular job to support my DH if he had a dream that he was pursuing that I personally supported. If I didn’t care about his “dream” and was just feeling like he was wasting his time and money, then I’d be offended that he wanted me to work just so he can spend the money down the drain at the cost of our marriage.
That boys are more important than girls and how everyone dreams of having a son (“that’s all every parent wants”).
This is actually very common in Asian culture and it is absolutely waste of energy and emotion getting upset about it. Older Asian generations still dote upon sons, and it is something that our new generation cannot do much about – it’s a cultural idea that will die and disappear over the course of few generations.
That there was no way in Hell her son was ever having a baby out of wedlock with me (I’m not even pregnant and also, it’s none of her business!!).
I was told this one by my Mother-In-Law when I was engaged also. The night DH and I announced our engagement, Mother-In-Law asked me to my face “Are you pregnant? Is that why you two are getting married?” (jaw drop, yes) I wiped away my smile from my face and told her firmly “No, I’m not pregnant. Please do not ask me that again.” Yes, it’s offensive, but IMO, it’s just MILs being terribly self-conscious and overly protective of her son. Just stand on your ground and let her know that you are offended.
And as my Fiance was telling me this on the phone, he was defending everything she had done or had said to me and made out like I was over exagerrating everything – which isn’t true, when he’s had a go at her for how she’s spoken to me numerous times.
Normally, I’d say it’s a bad sign when Fiance isn’t on your side upon family troubles – but it seems like your Fiance is on your side, but is getting tired of the whole messy battle ground. Give him some room. Don’t nag about every little thing that comes up between you and your Future Mother-In-Law. Instead, have nice long calm conversation with your Fiance regarding big issues once in a while, and try to convey to him logically why you are feeling upset. You even said it yourself, “he’s had a go at her…numerous times”. Your Future Mother-In-Law won’t change no matter how many times your Fiance nags/yells at her. I think it’s about time you accept your Future Mother-In-Law as who she is, and deal with the situation from there. Work it out with your Fiance on what you two would do to set up some boundaries.