- 6 years ago
I write this with both a curious mind and a heavy heart.
I am confused about the way my Fiance is behaving.
We have been together 2.5 years. We got engaged a few weeks ago. The marriage talk had been started by him a year prior to this. Last October we talked and he said it was time to get off the fence, so to speak. I agreed and laid out a timeline including kids etc, as I’m 34 and he’s 38. We agreed to get engaged last year and married this. Come January nothing had happened so I brought it up. The lease on our house is up in June, I’d always said I didn’t want to live with anyone longer than a year and be with someone for longer than two years without becoming engaged or making moves towards marriage. I also want to buy a property – he wants us to buy together, but for personal reasons, I won’t buy without being married.
So. After the chat, he started getting irritable and a little distant, and started doing silly things which started some arguing. After three months, he concluded he wasn’t sure. I left the house for two weeks saying he had to let me go if he wasn’t sure. We worked things out, chatted, he was excited and said he had a surprise for me. Two weeks later, he proposed.
After proposing, he was laid back about telling people. He took a couple of days to tell his family and a week to tell his friends. I was bursting at the seams with excitement, he seemed to shy away from it and said he didn’t want the attention. Although, he started calling me fiancée and was being very lovey dovey.
Cut to a week and a half ago, my parents have offered a substantial amount to pay for the wedding (I think we should pay ourselves but he doesn’t want to because we’re broke). They laid down the law that we have to get married where they live, regardless of the fact that all our friends and all his family are from where we live. That p****d my Fiance off. Then they demanded we go home for the weekend to start planning for the wedding. Fiance announced he’s been told he’ll be working most Saturdays for the foreseeable future – coincidence maybe – and that he’ll only be able to make it Sunday. Cue management tactics from me between Dad and Fiance. Fiance has a paddy about things: pressure, nagging, controlling etc – even though I warned him this is what my parents are like.
So, this ‘dampens’ the whole engagement thing a LOT. Cut to last week. Fiance was so angry at my parents, he took the mick in front of my friends on a night out and embarrassed me. When we left, I said I was angry about this and he immediately escalated it into a terrible argument which lasted two hours. During which he threw stuff around and yelled that he regretted getting engaged and it was a mistake.
Since then, things have been horrible. Bad atmosphere, he doesn’t want to talk about wedding/engagement – he’s apologised etc, but seems irritable and very angry?
I’m now stuck wondering if he has cold feet, managing my parents phonecalls and questions about wedding stuff etc. How do I move forwards with this?
Sorry this has been so long (I’m also dyslexic ). I guess I’m asking an opinion because I’ve started wondering whether Fiance truly loves me and is just finding the whole committal thing hard (this has ALWAYS been a problem with him acting like a child about some things), or whether he is going down this path because he feels like time is running out, he wants a family, I am loyal, caring and kind and basically a good bet for mother/wife material.
This sounds really cold and calculated, but I’m trying to be logical here.
So sorry it’s so long, but if anybody can ask any pertinent questions or come up with anything useful I’d be very happy