Post # 1
I could go on and on…and I will, lol : my birthday is coming up, and my SO not only doesn’t have any gift/ideas, but almost planned to go home to his family that weekend before I had a melt down because he forgot it was my birthday weekend!!
And…he continues to talk about all the BIG purchases he wants to make in the next year…$50-60k car, nice dining set, doing a ton of landscaping…there’s no way he’ll be able to afford a ring and all this (especially since HE wants to get me a crazy tiffany “some day”…when I myself picked out a $4500 ring…)
Also…he was talking online (w/ a headset) with his friends about buying a new car, and I texted his friend and said “tell him what he should buy instead!! and don’t tell him I told you to!” (because his friend is on my side…hahaha). My SO didn’t realize I knew what his friend said, and I heard only his response of “yeah? and YOU need to STFU”… 🙁
Then…we went to the mall today, and I was looking in pandora for a RHR because I can’t stand waiting for him to give me something nice…I was just going to get myself something. I didn’t find anything I liked, and my SO didn’t initiate going to look at e-rings (which we did a few months ago). It basically made me miserable he avoids the subject at all costs, and now I’m all sad and pouty.
Last but not least, we walked past the cake section in the grocery store and he pointed at a spongebob cake (love spongebob, lol), and goes “i’d smash that in your face!” and I was like “awww, that’s rude! I hate when people do that” and he goes “don’t worry, at our wedding i’ll feed you your cake nice and sweetly”…
I know he wants to spend his life with me, but he is taking his sweet ass time! He keeps hinting at it, then smashing my dreams by talking about other things that get in the way of him proposing. I’m so frustrated…we’ve been together almost 3 years, and I’m very impatient…and he’s always been slow moving…blahhhhhhh. I was almost crying the whole way around the grocery store, and I still am…it’s just been a shitty waiting weekend and I wanted to type it all out 🙁
Post # 3
@kendra389: Whatever his words are , his actions say he is not interested in marrying you, at least not now. Yes he talks about rings, plans briefly but talk is cheap-it never happens. In another post-you said, he has told you he doesn’t want to get married for 5 or 6 more years. He is a 27 y/o man who has long graduated, has been working 5 yrs, even bought his own home a year ago and is talking about all the big purchases he wants to make this year for himself and his home. You’ve been with him almost 3 years but when his friend told him to get a ring for you, his response was “stfu”. That speaks volumes.
Yes you’re young, however that doesn’t mean it’s ok to mark time with someone who is not on the same page. You said: “I know he wants to spend his life with me”. You mean you hope, he does. At this point, that’s not evident. Are you willing to continue for 5 more years hoping someday he’ll feel the same way about you as you feel about him and want to marry you?? A self esteem killer for sure….
They’ll be people who’ll tell you to wait etc, even girls in similar circumstances, you’ll be told you’re young, it worked out for so & so after 5 years (insert “magic” number) or that maybe he is feeling/thinking this or that yada yada.(Shades of the movie: “He’s just not that into You”.) Don’t believe them. Stop selling yourself short.
Stop waiting. Start doing your own thing, move out and take care of yourself as he is taking care of himself ie his plans above that he told his friend. No ultimatums. If you are truely important to him, he’ll show up at your door with a ring and a date to marry.
As it stands now, he has all the benefits without any real responsibility to you.
Stop acting like his wife until he makes you one.
Post # 4
@gemgirl6: Wow, you have really inspired me to do what is best for me!! You’re completely right that I need to move out and do what makes me happy…and see if he comes after me or not.
Post # 6
@gemgirl6: As I was sitting here, mulling over everything you’ve said, my SO walks over to me. I was just on the Yahoo! homepage, so he had no idea what was up.
He leaned over and gave me three long, deliberate kisses, told me he loved me, and then proceeded to watch TV. Men are so confusing…
Post # 7
@kendra389: Yeah, men are awful like that! My Fiance is 27. He refered to engagement as “something in the distant future” THE DAY WE GOT ENGAGED!
But your Fiance has some screwey priorities. I would say it’s time to start working on YOUR hopes and dreams and see if he still fits in them, and if you even want him to!
Post # 8
You couldn’t have said it better. The problem with the “He’s just not that into you” rule exceptions is that they are just that: exceptions. Expecting to be the exception will most likely only leave you disappointed. OP – He sounds like he is stringing you along big time. Please do yourself a favor and walk. If he is meant to be in your life, he will be. If not, you’ll be glad you left now and not later. You are SO much better than this!
Post # 9
Yea….He doesn’t sound like his mind is quite set on marriage. Has he given you a timeline? Have you sat him down and discussed this with him?
Post # 10
Have you talked to him specifically about how important marriage/proposal is to you? maybe you should discuss it with him and see what he says. i think waiting another 5 years or something is a bit crazy especially if he has nothing holding him back (financially). men sometimes don’t really understand how important it is for us. some of them don’t really hold it as important as women do. Try to express how you feel to him. If he doesn’t understand and give you a reasonable timeline/answer, then I’d rethink everything