Post # 1
Okay so I need a reality check. My fiance and I have elected not to have children at our wedding. I love kids, especially my little cousins, but we just feel its an adult party. Yes, I expected some backlash from this.
My mom said my cousin’s wife called her upset children weren’t invited to the wedding. My mom confirmed that yes, we’d chosen to make it adults only, and we will have a sitter available, and activities for the children. Her response? "Well then can my daughter be the flower girl?"
I was horrified. My mom thinks I’m being unreasonable and I’ll "understand when I have kids of my own". Am I right in thinking my cousin’s wife is out of line?
Post # 3
I think it’s out of line for anybody to ask to be in the bridal party. Stick to your guns, especially if you’re going to have a sitter available.
Post # 4
Totally agree with amysue.
Post # 5
Are you gonna have a flower girl??
To force you to include her child is rude. Just say no if you don’t want to.
Post # 6
Yes, out of line, but there’s no reason to be horrified. Just say, "we really didn’t plan on having a flowergirl, but thank you." We had someone ask if their kid should be an EXTRA flowergirl (!), and said no.
Post # 7
Thanks for the feedback ladies! I may be overreacting but I think she’s also overstepping her bounds. We’re not having a big wedding party- decided just to do maid of honor and best man- no flower girls, etc. We also have about 6 little girl cousins in the family all around the age of 5 (who are all super cute), so it would be tough to pick just one. I’m going to stick to my guns.
Post # 8
wow people’s poor manners never cease to amaze me. First of all, how could someone bring themselves to actually ask to be in the wedding party? Second, why can’t people just separate themselves from their kids for ONE NIGHT?
Post # 9
She probably thought that if her daughter was the flower girl then she would be allowed to come to the reception—so requesting was a way to get around the adults-only rule.
Post # 10
No you’re not being rude, though people very much have different outlooks on them and I think it’s everyones personal choice and whatever you choose is fine for you.
It was horribly rude for her to ask for her daughter to be a flower girl, and regardless if you are having one or not – you should not feel pressured to give in so that she doens’t have to find a baby sitter.
My choice was also "no kids" and I managed through it ok. Don’t worry people will get over it and you shouldn’t be made to feel like this woman is making you feel. In my opinion she’s a selfish woman who can’t figure out that this is your day, and you will have whatever you want. You aren’t supposed be accomodating everyone else to a T.
Be firm say no, she will get over it.
Post # 11
grrrrrr!! I am dealing with the same problems! I’ll tell you why your cousin’s wife asked if her daughter could be your flower girl. It’s not because she was desperate to bring her daughter along- it’s because some people can’t STAND giving someone else (in this case, you) the spotlight for even one day! She wants to make sure that she can get the satisfaction of hearing a collective "awwwwww" when her little princess walks down the aisle. Having a kid in tow, particularly one wearing a darling little dress, is a great excuse for people to make a fuss over HER. Some people are so ridiculous.
I am normally a total pushover, but not when it comes to having kids at my wedding! Abso-f’in-lutely not. Children can be fun at certain weddings, but others are just no place for kids! Sorry, parents, but it’s true.
Post # 12
Oh, I feel that pain Robyn… my aunt actually approached me at my shower to ask whether or not I had thought about FGs because "Your cousins would love to do it" (while they were scooping up the petals on the tables) and one of the girl’s grandmother’s was standing there.
No, no and NO! I’m still horrified that they had the gall to do that at the shower =
Post # 13
My cousin’s aunt actually took it upon herself to decide at the wedding reception that her (incredibly, disgustingly bratty) 3 year old daughter would be the official "bubble passer-outter" even though somebody else had been given that responsibility. When asked why she did she explained "well, you didn’t ask her to be a flower girl, so she needed to have some sort of role in your wedding." It was pretty ridiculous.
Post # 14
I have to agree with everyone else and tell you to stick to your guns. If you’re having a child-friendly wedding and there are several kids there it’s one thing, but I’ve seen many weddings where the one child there causes a scene, or is a terror. It can be unfair to expect a small child to be well behaved for that long of an amount of time.
I think it would be harder for your cousin’s daughter to be the only child there. Maybe you could spin it that way – tell your cousin’s wife that you’re sure she would have a much better time with the sitter, playing with the other children.
Either way, you are definitely not over-reacting. Good luck!