Post # 1
Im looking for some advice on how to handle hospital visitors after baby arrives. My due date is quickly approaching and certain family members have begun asking about visiting. My husband and I do not want a lot of visitors. We plan on just having our parents and maybe siblings depending on their schedule. My grandmother, who I love but am not very close with, is already making plans for her hospital visit and it’s making me very uncomfortable. She is a very overbearing person and whenever I am around her I am very tense. She wants to visit while I’m in labour and wants to be the first to the nursery when my baby arrives so she can “bond” with him. My hospital does not even have a nursery OR a waiting room! It’s a really small hospital. I know I can ask my hospital these questions and I’m going to BUT I was wondering if anyone has experience in this situation. Are nurses able to decline visitors? Everyone else is understanding about waiting until we are home and settled but my grandmother keeps making up excuses as to why she should be there. We just want privacy. I have no plans on telling her when he is born until I am home but I know my father will be too excited to not tell my grandmother. Any advice? I feel so silly stressing over this but she is a very selfish individual and tends to be incredibly overbearing and I just want my first day with my son to be just us… 🙁
Post # 2
- Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek
You aren’t silly to stress over this. Your feelings are more than understandable. My son is 21 now and it still bothers me that seven different family members got to hold him before I did after an emergency c section. I guess bc I was still knocked out the staff felt it was ok to pass him around to all the family that showed up after my mother called but it wasn’t one bit ok with me.
So I strongly suggest you make it clear to all the hospital staff attending you that day that you will let them know when you want to accept visitors. And make it clear to your family that sorry but you would naturally like a couple days of private time to bond with your child before seeing anyone. Nip this stuff in the bud now before it gets out of hand. Congrats! 🙂
Post # 3
rose1992 : 🙋♀️ Maternity Nurse here! It’s not something for you to stress about at all. Our hospital has strict nursing times for family/ visitors and we adhere to them strongly. If you have a particular request for these length of time you’d like your visits to last, just let your nurse know when she comes to perform your morning postpartum check. We are very good at kicking people out gently, however we suggest sending a text to family members telling them directly when you’ll be accepting visitors. Even with a swipe card entrance, people manage to do a sneaky!
Best of luck x
Post # 4
It seems the nurses can help, but I think your best option is to have a serious discussion with your dad about your wishes and make him wait a day or two before telling everyone. He may be excited, but this is your baby, your body, and your event. You have complete say in it and he should respect that.
You shouldn’t have to worry about your grandmother showing up after giving birth – which should be a time to relax and enjoy your baby.
Post # 5
We are very close with both sets of parents and our siblings and had no one at the hospital while I was in labor.
I don’t know where people got the idea that this is some kind of spectator sport. My compromise would be a brief hospital visit after the baby is born and you are settled.
Post # 6
rose1992 : I highly recommend not announcing you’re in labor at all until it’s all over. Then she can’t be hanging about bugging hospital staff and the like. By all means tell your parents but they need to understand that it’s something to keep to themselves until the baby has arrived. Heck, I love my folks and I was annoyed that they came to town before I even went into labor. They certainly didn’t follow me to the hospital!
Post # 7
ladyscorpion : i am devastated for you. Not cool at all. I have been telling my husband that I want maximum skin to skin time without the family and to make sure his parents understand that I won’t be passing the kid around as they are overbearing “must sit in the waiting room until the kid pops out” types.
Post # 8
My hospital only allows birth partners onto the labour ward / birth centre. Visitors are only allowed on the ante and post natal wards and then only at set times and in limited numbers (partners can stay as long as they like though)
tell the nurses what you want and don’t tell anyone you’re in labour
Post # 9
- Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek
chocolateplease : Thank you, I appreciate it. 🙂 I know it was a long time ago and I can usually let things go easily but this isnt one of them. I clearly remember how frustrated, panicked, angry and hurt I was once the anesthesia wore off. I nearly died getting him here the least they could have done was waited until I came around so I could have some private time with him first.
Post # 10
This is a great time to start setting boundaries with your family regarding your child because if they are challenging them now it’s only going to ramp up once little one arrives.
To be clear is to be kind. Tell your grandmother you won’t be having visitors for a few days after birth, and even then depending on how you and baby feel it very well could be delayed days or weeks before you’re ready to have anyone else disrupt your newly forming routine with your nuclear family.
The 4th trimester is integral to YOUR healing and bonding with babe, don’t let pushy relatives ruin it for you. Maybe try reading the Lemot Clot Essay.
Post # 11
Set the boundaries you want and don’t feel guilty about it. The nursing staff will also help uphold your wishes by either blocking unwelcome visitors or by interrupting visits to kick people out after 30 minutes or whatever you want.
I knew I was having a c-section but had no idea how I would feel afterwards so we did not tell anyone when we went to the hospital and only called parents to let them know the baby was here after we got up to our room from L&D. We did parents only the first night, siblings the next night, and then two of my best friends dropped by the 3rd night with snacks. Everyone else met the baby at our home over the next few weeks.
Post # 12
I clearly stated to my Darling Husband that no one can visit me until the day after giving birth. Everybody seems happily obliged =)
Post # 13
Honestly, in your situation I would tell my father very clearly that if he did not think he could keep the news from his overbearing mother until we indicated we were ready to share the news, then he too would be finding out about the birth when I got home from the hospital 3 days later. I have no patience or tolerance for people behaving inconsiderately towards newly postpartum women. Your labor and delivery is not about them: it is about you, your new child and your partner.
Post # 14
That sucks that your grandmother is behaving like this. It isn’t about her.
Honestly, I think the best course of action would be to not tell anyone when you go into labor. That would solve the issue, no? Once you are ready, you can send a quick text to family with his picture, stats and “we are looking forward to a short visit with family once we have settled in at home”
This is what I plan to do. And no one knows that they won’t be in the loop when I go into labor. Like you, I appreciate privacy and I definitely do not want anyone in my business during something as personal as birth. Don’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings, it isn’t about anyone but mom and baby. They’ll get over themselves eventually 🤷🏼♀️
Post # 15
rose1992 : I didn’t tell anybody when I went into labour. If you can get away with it I would just wait until after you’ve had the baby.
However, depending on the type of birth you have it may be easier to let your Grandma see you in hospital. I had to stay in for a day after having my son and the strict visit times meant visits could easily be cut short. If you’re going to be out in a few hours though, I would just tell everyone that you will be having no visitors at the hospital.