Hospital visitors after birth

posted 2 weeks ago in Pregnancy
Post # 16
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

I would definitely talk to your hospital as all of them are different. Mine was a smaller hospital and  basically a locked ward. They asked me when I did my paperwork if I planned on visitors.Originally  I said absolutely not. The only one allowed in is my husband.  But after about 3 days there. I stayed 4 or 5 because they didn’t think I was ready to go home yet. I agreed to a visit from my aunt and uncle whom I adore and I had to tell the desk that they were allowed. They also had a strict time limit. I feel like it was 15 minutes but it could have been 30. Either way they didn’t have alot of time and they had to abide by it. And they had to hold the baby in front of me. Because of these rules my daughter bonded well with my husband and I. 

I think of you state on your paperwork no visitors and talk to your nurses you have a good chance of being left alone by your family if that is what you want. But definitely communicate with the staff. They can’t help if you don’t  🙂 I hope your delivery is smooth and exactly what you want!

Post # 17
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

rose1992 :  Don’t tell anyone you have had the baby until you’re home. Problem solved.

Stop being afraid of offending people. Put your foot down. No, crazy great grandma, you aren’t coming to the hospital.

Why do people think they have some right to the child that you literally just pushed out of your body? Or, cut out, in some instances. You having a baby isn’t about anyone else but you, the baby, and the father. People need to back the f off.

 

Post # 18
Member
6023 posts
Bee Keeper

For both of my births we didn’t announce when I was in labor or any of that. For one of them we didn’t even announce the birth until after i was home!

Post # 19
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper

rose1992 :  if you don’t want people at the hospital when you’re in labor just don’t tell them when you go into labor! That’s what we did and it really is that easy. We called our parents fairly quickly after she was born and I told my dad not to come for a couple hours (he lives about an hour+ from the hospital depending on traffic) and the man got their in 40 minutes! He was just too excited and while I don’t blame him when the nurse came into the delivery room to tell me he was there I said to not let him in. And they didn’t because maternity nurses are bad-ass awesome and fiercely guard new mamas and their babies. He joined up with me when I was being transferred to my post-partum room. 

YOU are the only person who has a say in your birth plan. Yes, this child is part of the family and other people want to meet him/her and it’s very exciting but you are GIVING BIRTH. It’s seriously work and it’s painful and you need supportive people to help you through it. Anyone who isn’t on board with supporting YOU and what you need can GTFO (baby daddy included). 

Post # 20
Member
2273 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Do not feel bad about setting boundaries. I had an emergency c section with my son and he was in the NICU for 2 weeks. The last thing I wanted to do the day I had him was see people honestly. I think my ex’s mom visited the day after (which was honestly still too soon for me but that’s a whole other story) and I think my mom the day after that. 

With this baby (im 12 weeks), I am pretty set on not having visitors until a couple days after birth, if at all. I’m having another c-section and honestly the recovery is rough and having people (even family) around can be frustrating. I already had to shut down my SIL because she told me she wanted to be in the waiting room (uh, no!) during delivery. 

Post # 21
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida

rose1992 :  

The hospital i’;m deliving at has a policy anyone you tell them you don’t want in the room or if you only want a max 2-3 people in the room they tell the visitors it’s hospital policy they can’t visit at that time or they need to wait in the waiting room until  they are called for.

Post # 22
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Agree with everyone else- 1. Don’t tell them you’re in labor, 2. Most hospitals have visitor policies- just ask for no visitors and they should enforce it, and 3. Have an honest discussion with grandma or whomever about boundaries. 

 

We we didn’t really set boundaries with our firstborn and it was a hot mess (he was also born riiight before Christmas so the parade of holiday events didn’t help). With our second, we limited visitors (even at our home) for a couple of weeks until we could get our groove down and it was so much better. I’m pregnant with our third, and plan for a similar approach with this baby! Congratulations! 

Post # 23
Member
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

1) Ask the hospital what the visiting policies are and what support they can offer in terms of limiting visitors, kicking them out after a set time, etc.

2) Practice being direct with your family as to your wishes. They love you and will get over it.

3) If you really feel that people are going to show up in an unwelcome manner, don’t tell them when you go to the hospital. Instead, try letting them know when the baby shows up and give each relative a specific method/time/date for seeing the baby (e.g. I can have a visitor for half an hour at 2 o’clock). I’d be wary of allowing one hospital visit, because it’s likely to snowball (excited relatives talk and will tell each other stuff even if you don’t!)

I had more visitors than I wanted, but in the end it wasn’t a big deal. I got over it. You learn to be flexible and go with the flow once you have a little one. Visitors sound like a bigger deal than they are. You’re not under any obligation to be polite, available, or a good host. If you’re planning on nursing you can kick them out at will. Even if you aren’t, just say you’re ready for a nap or say the baby needs a bottle and is struggling with eating so you need no distractions of extra people. If you don’t want them holding the baby, try sticking the baby on your chest and say you’re doing skin to skin bonding. 

Post # 24
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

If I have a second child I’m going to insist to my husband we don’t tell anyone when we go to the hospital or if we tell them demand they don’t come wait.  I had a c section after 24 hours in labor and ended up being rushed to let baby see our parents right after the c section.  I think we barely had skin to skin time or time alone with baby before we were passing him around to the grandparents. More family came to visit over the next couple of days and we really didn’t have time for it.  With all the nurse check ins, nursing, etc., we barely had time to eat let alone entertain.

Post # 25
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I totally understnad your concern. I really didn’T want anyone in the room while I was in labour except my husband and my doula/medical staff. Turns out I had a very difficult birth and long drawn out labout, and my Mother-In-Law showed up at the hospital. NOPE!!! I had no intention on letting her in the room but I was in too much distress to handle it at the time. Luckily my doula knew my wishes for no visiters and stopped her at the door. phew. 

We ended up in the hospital for a while because we had complications and baby was in ICU. there were days that were harder than others and I did not want to see anyone. I just told my inlaws and my parents that I wouldn’t be taking visitors that day. That’s it. Like another person said, now is a really good time to excercise placing boundaries because once you have the baby, it may become even worse. 

Currently pregnant with number two and won’t tell anyone i’m in labour this time. We have enough to worry about during these crutial hours! Family’s feelings should’t be one of them. 

 

Good luck! you’ve got this!

Post # 26
Member
2860 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

rose1992 :  I’m pregnant and my due date is tomorrow smile

My husband and I had the talk with our families at Christmas.  No one is allowed at the hospital when I am in labor.  My in-laws live out of state and were upset to hear this, as my Mother-In-Law was at the hospital with her own daughters, but we stood firm.  My in-laws are actually flying out tonight but aren’t actually staying with us (at my husband’s insistance).  My husband works at the hospital where I will deliver and my sister is a pediatrician on staff there.  Both said the nurses do a really good job of respecting the mom’s wishes.  The mother-baby unit is a locked unit anyway so you need to be buzzed in.

I suggest setting these boundaries with your grandmother pronto.  The reason why she’s been able to do this to everyone else is because no one will stand up to her.  The time is now, before you go into labor.

 

Post # 27
Member
1923 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

rose1992 :  My sister handled this great. She sent a text 2 days after giving birth. Yep, they told NO ONE for 2 DAYS!! And think they were fanastic parents for doing it. Take that time for you and your family. EXTENDED family are not entitled to see your child an hour after birth. Nope. 

When my sister sent the text they were in the process of being discharged from the hospital, so no one could come visit. Now… 7 people did show up to thier house… waiting for them to arrive. My sister asked me to be there, so when I arrived I very nicely but firmly sent those 7 people home. 

I never understand the bombarding of new parents. YES, I get some people want to help and are excited to see the new little one… BUT… it is up to the new parents to decide who they wish to be helpful and when anyone gets to visit. 

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