(Closed) Host not paying for shower

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 16
Member
2426 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow, that’s awkward.

Post # 17
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

If she wasn’t planning on paying for your shower, that should probably have been made clear from the beginning when she offered to host it.

 

Post # 18
Member
3947 posts
Honey bee

 

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lemonadedreams :  Well, the gloves are kinda off then. “I wasn’t planning on paying for your party.” WTAF?!!! Who the hell offers to host a party and then sticks the honoree with the bill??!!  When is the shower? If it’s 2 or more weeks away, I’d cancel it.

ETA: Hell, I’d cancel it even if it was tomorrow. Tell the invitees to donate any gifts to a women’s shelter.

 

Post # 19
Member
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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katebluestone :  I would cancel it.  As a bride you have enough on your plate to pay for, yet the moh thinks it’s ok to offer to host but stick you with the bill? Wtf!

Post # 20
Member
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

 Please tell us this chick will also “make you” a cake for this shower that you’re paying for, 🍰🎂 because she’s right up there with the caking lady who charged her friend for her gift. 

Post # 22
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee

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lemonadedreams :  I wouldn’t let her get away with this. She is so far out of line to just drop this on you it’s not even funny.  This is one of the rudest and most bizarre scenarios I’ve ever read on the bee. 

 

If it were me, I would tell her SHE needs to cancel the shower because it’s not in your budget nor did you realize when she offered to “host” she meant in name only.  

 

So what if she already booked a ticket? She can reschedule her flight for whenever your wedding is for like a $100 change fee. You should NOT feel like “scum” because she bought airfare to attend a shower she duped you into paying for. SHE should feel like scum for treating a best friend like this.  

 

Time to grow a backbone, bee.

Post # 23
Member
30402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would tell her that it never occurred to me that as the guest of honor, I would be hosting the shower and that I don’t feel comfortable doing that. I would offer to keep the date, but tell her that the shower will now be held at ( your Mom’s house, aunt’s home, your home etc – anyone of the above).

I would ask her what her budget is for the shower and give her contact information for a few catering opions. Don’t book the catering yourself or she will leave you with the bill.

Remind her to notify the guests of the change of location.

Post # 24
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

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lemonadedreams :  I didn’t read all the other comments but realistically if my maid of honor did this I would respond (because I’m a non-confrontational pushover which you may also be):

Okay Maid/Matron of Honor I’ve been thinking.. It is so sweet of you to figure out all the details for the shower but I might not be able to swing it. I don’t expect you to pay for a whole shower but Honestly I’ve never known a bride to host her own shower and I just wasn’t expecting it.. I’m totally fine if no ones able to host it, I really don’t need one! 

BUT 

I’d be really mad and complain about it to everyone else…. This is actually crazy. Unless you REALLY want a shower I would not pay for it. (Also depends what the $ amount is..) Or see if someone with a nicer house/yard would let you do it at their house (or something like a coffee shop where you don’t get a whole menu) after you explain this debacle. 

Don’t worry about her plane ticket she can refund it for credit and is actually insane to ask the bride to pay for her shower without discussing it first.  People are crazy and you should do this to her when she has a baby. Good luck this sound super stressful/annoying! 

Post # 25
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper

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lemonadedreams :  cancel the shower. That’s crazy that she expects you to pay in full.  She picked a venue without even telling you the price???

Post # 26
Member
13963 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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lemonadedreams :  Her request is absolutely inappropriate as would you accepting the suggestion. I would tell her, “I’m sorry, there must have been a misunderstanding. I am not interested in paying for or hosting my own shower. I’m happy to do without one.”

Too bad about her plane tickets. It’s on her that she put you in this situation, not you. She can change the tickets or just come out for a visit. I would not get involved in the shower in any way, including reassigning it to other people, as that is equally inappropriate. I’d just tell her that you are uncomfortable paying for a self-celebrating party, the whole purpose of which is to solicit gifts, as that would be rude on your part. 

Post # 27
Member
13963 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Duplicate

Post # 28
Member
3664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I’d tell her you hadn’t planned on hosting your  own bridal shower (because that’s what you’d be doing if you paid for this) and you’re not interested in doing so, and let her know she needs to call and cancel the event because you will not brew providing a head count or any money. The nerve of her to pretend to host a party in your honor but then stick you with the bill.

She can still take the trip out or change her ticket date, but I wouldn’t let her think what she did was okay.

Post # 29
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

View original reply
lemonadedreams :  If she is hosting why is she asking you for the final headcount? Could you ask her create an online RSVP and proceed from there? 

Post # 30
Member
3947 posts
Honey bee

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kissthesunkisstherain :  But she is not hosting. She surprised the OP by offering to host a shower, but her idea of hosting is calling the venue, making the arrangements, then telling the bride to come up with the headcount and pay the entire amount to the venue because. “I wasn’t planning on paying for your party.” 

 

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