(Closed) Hosted a Bridal Shower, No Thank you. (rant)

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee

She sounds rude and/or oblivious. Take note that this is how she reacts to unprompted gifts and parties–it sounds like a bit like this was thrown more for you guys than her–and move on.

Post # 3
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would be upset if I were you.  You did a very nice (and expensive) thing for this women, and she couldnt be bothered to send a thank you note?  Is your aunt the grooms mother?  Has she said anything to him?  

I wrote thank you cards, with a small gift, for my Mom, Sister (MOH), and the Bridesmaid or Best Man that threw my shower, and gave it to them personally.  However I wrote all of the thank you cards, and addressed them from the shower, and left my husband (then FI) to stamp and mail them.  It was months before anyone asked about the cards, he forgot to mail them! I had no idea because I had handed my mom sister and BF theirs personally.  It came up because his moms friends were really upset at not receiving a thank you card (understanably).  I wrote all of these cards, saying how I was so excited to see them at the wedding and thanking them for their wonderful gifts, and they didnt even get sent for a month and a half after the wedding, I was mortified.  

I guess my point is if the aunt you refer to, is the grooms mother, maybe she can say something to him, like my Mother-In-Law did with my husband.  

Post # 4
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Don’t say anything because it’s not worth it. You are right to feel the way you do but I’d just count it as a loss and be thankful that I can now see how this person really is.

Post # 5
Member
48 posts
Newbee

She said thank you. I’m not sure what else you were looking for? How do you gauge sincerity? As for the gift, I think it’s rather tacky that it’s almost January and you haven’t received a thank you note, but some people aren’t up on gift receiving etiquette. 

Post # 6
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee

You said she told you thank you. You got a thank you.

Post # 9
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

You have a right to be upset. 45 people is a lot to even graciously accept hosting in the first place when you aren’t even the Maid/Matron of Honor. If I were her, I would feel horrible that half my guests were no shows and apologize profusely on their part – it’s not rocket science. Money doesn’t grow on trees for everyone. It gets me upset that some people have no basic decency or awareness. I disagree with the whole “I’m the bride, it’s my wedding, people are expected to do this for me and I don’t owe anything in return”. While it’s true she is not responsible for their actions, it’s not hard for her to send a brief message acknowledging what happened – and to make sure you understand she is thankful. (eta- especially since SHE is the one who informed you mostly everyone is coming!)

That said, I don’t necessarily think I’d expect an “official” thank you note/gift from her. I also don’t think I’d say anything. I know, it’s frustrating. 

Post # 10
Member
3108 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

She sounds incredibly rude. 

Post # 12
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
misspenny2010:  Wow, what any amazing thing you did!   You don’t even owe her a bridal shower and you threw her one.  Absolutely wonderful of you.  As for her, she should at least be giving you a thousand verbal thank yous and offering to help with some of the cost of it.  Granted, I don’t know how Bridal Showers go.  My Maid/Matron of Honor is planning mine and I feel like this is too much for her to do.  I don’t think the other bridesmaids are going to even help with the costs or planning of it.  So, I keep offering to give her money and telling her she doesn’t have to do all this.  But she insists. 

Honestly, I would probably talk to the groom (your cousin?) and ask him how she liked it.  Try to get some feedback from him.  If she went home and complained about it after you did all this work, then she is truly ungrateful on every level!

Post # 13
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - Ballroom

She is rude. Seems like she learned it from her family, the non-RSVPers/Shower no-shows.  It’s kind of pointless to dwell on this, just take it as a lesson learned. I hope you didn’t get her a wedding gift.  You absolutely did enough!  I had two bridal showers, and I showed up with nice hostess gifts and thank you cards to both. I was raised right, and have spent countless years hosting events, so I know how much work goes into it.  I probably over-do it as far as thank you notes and gratitude are concerned, but it’s really a small token after someone goes out of their way for you. 

Post # 14
Member
4017 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
misspenny2010:  I’m sorry this happened to you. Some people just don’t “get” etiquette. As for thank you cards, I, personally sent mine out the day after my shower/wedding simply because I didn’t want them weighing over my head. However, that doesn’t seem the norm in my social circle. three-six months seems like the average wait time for thank-yous. And it’s one of those things where I don’t really take too much notice of the thank you card, but eventually, it’l click that I never received a thank you…For example, as I’m typing this I’m realizing that I never received a thank you card from DH’s cousin’s wedding we attended in July…Huh. Anyways…

I would just kind of swallow this (no point bringing it up), but take note as another poster mentioned. This is how she responds to an absolutely gracious and kind thing you did for her. All of that time, energy, and money seemed to go unappreciated (at least on a surface level), so next time, I would take note.

I was Maid/Matron of Honor for a “friend” about three years ago. She had five bridesmaids, three of which were her underage students, so it was up to me and the other bridesmaid to throw the bridal shower. I think total, once her demands were kind of added up, it cost me (and just me) $1500 out of pocket. I was naive and had no backbone, so the idea of saying no was not something I was used to. Well, the day arrives and even though we planned for SEVENTY people, only twenty showed up. The bride didn’t even come up to me the entire time, her mother ignored me, and after it was all said and done I did not get a thank you, verbal or written. I dropped her soon after the wedding. Some people are just entitled and don’t value your time and money as much as you do. 

Post # 15
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Know you know why no one on her side wanted to throw her a shower. From the lack of attendees I’d say she is known for being rude. Move on with your head held high but don’t be fooled again. 

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