Post # 1
We RSVP’d yes to a fall themed party this upcoming weekend. It’s a week prior to Canadian Thanksgiving weekend, but the party is Thanksgiving themed. I asked the hostess ( fairly new SO of DH’s teammate) what she’d like us to bring. It’s quite common in our circles to bring a side dish/ bottle of wine etc- and she emailed me back saying “Great, glad you can make it. If you can bring a turkey and stuffing and a couple of side dishes, that would be terrific” followed by a second email that said “P.s. and if you could either bring a bottle of wine or a case of pop, please let me know which one so we can figure out what we’ll need to get more of” I assumed she was teasing me and responded ‘lol we’ll bring roasted brussel sprouts with bacon & lemon & a bottle of wine’ And she writes me back ‘Fine, whatever. Next time don’t offer if you don’t mean it, let me know if you change your mind about coming” ?!?!
Now admittedly I offered to bring something, without being specific, but isn’t it a bit much for the hostess to suggest we bring 5 different things, including the most expensive main dish? (Turkeys here go for about $40 for a decent sized one) Maybe she was offended that I laughed at her- but I did think she was kidding, if it had been someone I knew better, like a friend or sister, I would have joked ‘do you want me to bring the tablecloth & napkins too?’ But apparently she was dead serious and I gues my ‘Lol’ and offer to bring a side dish and bottle of wine rubbed her the wrong way.
Am I reading too much into it by thinking she doesn’t want me/us there now, with her ‘let me know if you change your mind about coming’….it seemed kind of passive-aggressive I’d be happy if you didn’t show up but I’m not going to come right out and un-invite you but then it’s not always easy to interpret emails or texts when you can’t hear tone of voice, see body language or facial expression etc.
I told Darling Husband about it and said ‘I offered to bring something, not bloody well cater it’, but he said that even though she sent out the emails etc, it’s at her SO’s home and of course I’m welcome….so I’m assuming teammate and gf are co-hosting it. Part of me wants to reach out to her again and tell her I’m sorry if I hurt her feelings etc, part of me thinks I should just roll my eyes at the whole thing and not make it an even bigger deal by bringing it up again. I keep waffling between thinking she’s got some nerve and really, would it have killed me to make her a damned turkey instead of causing bad feelings… Sigh, yeah I know, first world problems…. but I’d still appreciate opinions on this
Post # 2
Initial reaction to her email on what to bring:
Like you said, you offered to bring something. Not cater the event! I would bring one side dish and a bottle of wine. Definitely show up and report back on what everyone else brought. 🙂
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I’d personally skip it cause she seems like the type I wouldn’t want to spend 10 minutes with, let alone an entire evening, but if you still want to go I’d bring a bottle of wine and a side and brush the incident off. Maybe she’s nervous about meeting everyone if she’s a new SO.
Post # 4
Wow… she replied back “yes please bring the whole dinner plus wine”. Thats ridiculous! Some nerve. Its typical to “assign” one dish to people who ask, and its never the main. Its a pie, or rolls, or mashed potatoes OR wine etc, not the whole freaking meal!!
DO NOT apologize. She should be apologizing.
And that jab at the end…I would take her up on her offer and change your RSVP to no.
I would reply like so ” I did mean my offer to bring *something*, I just didnt think you would expect me to bring *everything*. I thought you were joking. And yes, Ive changed my mind about coming. Enjoy”.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
The hostess asking you to bring that much food is quite odd and even a little rude! So shame on her for starting this mess! As for the stressing over whether or not she wants you there, I would stop over thinking it. Unless she outright says don’t come, than you can still come.
I can’t speak to whether or not a ‘smooth things over’ type email would be a good idea because I can’t get a read on her character with the information provided. However, extending an ‘olive branch’ and maybe asking her opinion on what sort of wine you should bring may be a good way to open the lines of communication
Post # 6
WTF lol. I honestly dislike potlucks, but even for a thanksgiving one, the host always makes the turkey, and everyone else brings sides. WTF! I would have been less nice than you about it haha.
I too find her answer passive aggresive, but I’d leave it and try not to interact with her much at the party.
Post # 7
sparklesalways : this is how I would deal with it as well.
Post # 8
She was ridiculous and rude! I’d second guess even attending at this point. If you do attend I hope you’ll let us know if there is indeed a turkey and who contributed it!
Post # 9
RobbieAndJuliahaha : If someone called “hosting” an event and asked me to bring the main dish (and 5 or 6 other things too) I would also think they were joking. It’s one thing to grill out and ask everyone to bring 5 or 6 burgers (typical in my group) but hosting basically a dinner party and not at least providing the main dish is nuts.
I personally wouldn’t contact her again, especially via email. Go to the party, or not, but emailing her back is likely just going to dig that hole deeper. Not because of you, but because she is not going to interperate things well. Who takes a request to bring something as an offer to cater does not interperate emails well.
Post # 10
She’s hardly “hosting” if she’s asking you to bring the entire meal!!! I’d decline.
Post # 11
Wow! That is really rude. I’d have been flabbergasted as well. Not just by the gall it took to demand you basically provide all the food, including the drinks, but also by her snappish response. If you don’t want to ruffle any feathers, just bring the side dish and bottle of wine as planned, and let it go. But since she has already been so rude and passive aggressive, I think I’d have a hard time not replying to her email and saying something. But I guess she’s not going to change either way.
Post # 12
“Sorry I think there was a misunderstanding, you must have been under the impression that we run a catering business, and we thought we were invited as friends. Whoops! Our bad. Have a lovely party.” The only response to passive-aggressiveness is to be more passive aggressive imo
Or just a simple “k bitch bye”, you know, whatever floats your boat
Post # 13
being british ive only been to one thanksgiving and that was for my american friend who was visiting for a training course… I went along with thing as I have no clue on american tradition, everyone was asked to bring something and I took a cake but the food eaten was not what we took (which really confused me)
we dont normally take things to british parties although sometimes at house parties you might bring your own alcohol or at an engagement party or house warming etc… you usually take a bottle of wine for the person (as a gift not expected to be served) but I heard of pot luck and figured it was customary american tradition but had I been asked to bring all that stuff I would of reacted the same… that ‘host’ (can you be a host if shes expecting you to do it) has some cheek especially if im reading it correctly and you dont event really know this woman
Post # 14
Wha??? She wanted you to bring the whole meal? It’s so outrageous that it’s almost funny. Even if it was an outright potluck, that would be too much for one person to bring. Hell, I would go just to see how crazy this woman is in real life.
Post # 15
snowflake8 : I would not ask what wine she wants, from the charicter presented so far she will most likely ask for a case of vintage champaigne or something lol