Hostess taking advantage? at a loss how to handle….

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
3068 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  are you freaking kidding me???? She asked you to make a turkey???? That is completely RUDE and also ridiculous. It takes HOURS to make a turkey much less the mess of transporting ect. She is insane!

It is my opinion that if some body offers to bring somethign you tell them ” Please do not feel obligated BUT if you would like to we could use a side or dessert” some thing easy!!!! If you host something at your home you provide the meal and drinks!

I personally would find it incredibly rude and would not attend the party, but if your Darling Husband wanted to attend I would bring the yummy side your described and a bottle of wine. 

Shes crazy, lol

Post # 33
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

No, don’t second guess yourself! She is so far off base here that I have to wonder what her definition of “hosting” entails. There’s no way she’s been the guest at a party where she was expected to bring multiple sides or desserts since no one else could be that rude and crazy! I have no idea where she’s getting this idea from but her snippy response to you convinces me that she doesn’t live in the same reality you and I (and the rest of the Bees, apparently) reside in.

I was initially going to suggest going and bringing the delicious side you offered to make and a bottle of wine just so you can witness the crazy in person, and also to see which poor sucker got stuck bringing the turkey. But having seen your update I’d probably just decline the invitation. It sounds like this party will either be full of pissed off guests who had to cater the whole event or, if they don’t bow to her whims, there simply won’t be enough food and you’ll all go home hungry. Either way it sounds miserable.

Post # 36
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

…if someone asked me to bring the turkey I would 100% assume it was a joke.

Post # 37
Hostess
3786 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Soany fabulous opportunities to be incredibly passive aggressive! Show up with one of those Jenny O breasts just large enough for you and Fiance. Bring a package of lunch meat! Or a Lunchable  (main course AND a side!) 

I wouldn’t go. Because I like to be an asshole in my imagination and polite in real life. Ugh.

Post # 38
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  my thoughts exactly. Haha! I’m going to have to check out your recipe. Sounds delish !

Post # 39
Member
5125 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

Dude. The host always cooks the Turkey. Duh. It’s hard enough getting a lava hot bird out of the oven without killing ourself, let alone getting it in the car and transporting it to someone else’s house. I’ve done Thanksgiving at my house a few times and if someone wants to bring something, I just ask for a dessert. I’ll take care of the meal. 

Her bitchy response would piss me off to no end. I’d probably just not attend at all. That said, if this is someone that you’re going to have to be dealing with a lot, then I might try to smooth things over. But seriously… who asks a guest to bring that much?

Post # 40
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I have never in my life heard of someone asking so much of a guest. I think I would anonymously send an etiquette book her way. It’s really for her own good.

Post # 41
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t even participate in that foolishness. She’s off in the head. I wouldn’t contact her again either. 

Post # 42
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee

This woman is crazy and sounds like she wants to host a party without spending a penny.

It’s common in my area (UK) for bring and shares for everyone to chip in but they’re very informal gatherings. If you’re having guests over then it’s typical to bring a bottle or wine or spirits and maybe some nibbles for pre-dinner drinks.

Post # 43
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee

This whole thing is so bizarre. I would have read her first email as joking too but then her follow up response is so ridiculous.

I’d be tempted to go just to see the crazy in person, especially knowing her crazy has extended to other people too.

Post # 44
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee

Some people don’t know how to throw a party.  If my friends and I together decide we’re going to have a party at one of our houses, then we will coordinate a potluck.  If I, however, decide on my own volition to entertain, then I will only ask you to bring what you want to drink and even still I’ll be providing libations.  Some people don’t know how to entertain.

Post # 45
Member
2071 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

What are the chances that she will cancel the party after receving a lot of preplexed or non-replies to her attempts to get others to provide all the food? I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

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