(Closed) Hostess taking advantage? at a loss how to handle….

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  And she writes me back ‘Fine, whatever. Next time don’t offer if you don’t mean it, let me know if you change your mind about coming” ?!?!

There’s your answer. I’d decline so fast her skull would spin. 

Post # 47
1341 posts
Bumble bee

This is so bizarre! Admittedly asking guests to bring dishes to a dinner party isn’t the “done thing” in the U.K., we would usually bring a bottle of wine or some drinks at the most. But even taking into account that you’re expected to bring a dish, asking you to provide the main meal plus side dishes plus wine is crazy to me. She’s basically hosting an event and expecting everyone to cater it. I would reply saying that I offered to bring one thing not the entire meal, then say I will no longer be attending. 

Post # 48
10651 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m wondering if she was in a group in the past where she was basically offering up her space as her way of contributing.

I have known people to bring the turkey, but that was prearranged well in advance.  Sometimes within a group it’s that someone offers up their place to host and someone else takes over the main thing, or it can simply be an issue with know-how or oven size and kitchen tools.

Really odd that’s how she would go about it though.  If you do attend I would be prepared for it just being some appetizers and not a full meal!

Post # 49
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I thought she was kidding too! I would be reluctant to attend now, and I doubt she’s going to have many guests with that kind of attitude. 

Post # 50
8834 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  Any way you or your husband could poll some other invitees? I’d want to know if they’re going along with this absurdity or saying “uh, no thanks.” She might be trying to delegate her way out of work, but she’s actually delegating her way out of potential new friends. If your husband is close with the teammate, maybe he could let him know this isn’t how it’s done.

Post # 51
6169 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I would still be confused on how to respond to that one and torn between not attending at all and attending just to see how much more of her hot mess shows up before the end of the party.


Post # 52
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  so weird. I’ve hosted many parties and anything that is “dinner” (vs drinks and appies), I’ve always provided the main course and was very upfront from the initial invitation about what type of things people could bring (to avoid duplication, etc). I would never ask someone to bring the whole turkey and everything else she listed unless they had specifically offered previously, of their own accord. I’d decline to go. 

Post # 53
1587 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

“New SO” soon to be ex-GF from the sound of it. Hope your DH’s teammate gets word that this chick is being absolutely ridiculous. Not just her expectations of you and others, but her rude rude ruuuuude comment in reply.

Post # 54
4830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  Bring a turkey???  How about taking a Cornish hen.  LOL  

Post # 57
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

mimivac :  That was my thought exactly! What is she going to do if every other guest says hell no to bringing the turkey?

Like so many other posters here, I would be torn between declining to attend and showing up to see what an absolute disaster this party is, if it happens at all. I would also be super tempted to feel out all the other guests and see whether she solicited every guest to bring an unreasonable amount of food, and have everyone plan to bring some very minor thing like an appetizer, then show up and see if the only food in existence at this party is chips and dip and fruit salad brought by the guests. 😄

Post # 58
2554 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’d be so tempted to write back “I was offering to bring something, not everything.”  Or a photograph of your middle finger taken in front of the turkey aisle at the store, that’d work too.

Post # 59
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Bring her a pack of turkey deli meat. This woman is insane, I would probably decline at this point, because I wouldn’t want to spend an evening with her.

Post # 60
4910 posts
Honey bee

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  She can’t be serious? That is so lame, she knew exactly what you meant. I would vote to skip it as well. Geez. 

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