(Closed) Hostess taking advantage? at a loss how to handle….

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 61
47 posts

Haven’t read all the replies yet so someone else have may have said this too but where I’m from, the host does the main dish at least. May ask others to bring side dishes,  dessert and drinks but not the freaking turkey. Insane.

Post # 62
24 posts
  • Wedding: May 2016

She’s out of her mind. You’re right to think they way you did. She obviously lacks manners.

Post # 63
3867 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  Um, please do not apologize to this girl. Her behavior is absolutely repugnant. Judging by what she is delegating out to other guests, it only seems as if she is simply offering up the venue, but nothing else. This is unbelievably tacky. As a host, it is perfectly acceptable to delegate ONE thing to guests to bring (a bottle of wine or a side dish) and, personally, only if they ask if they can bring something OR if you are providing a massive meal (such as a turkey dinner). In my social circle, you ALWAYS bring something to a party: dessert, side dish, beverages. It is considered rude to show up empty handed and in my circle of friends, we all operate without having to be asked. However, if my friend invited me to a party and then asked me to bring the main dish, side dishes, beverages, and a dessert . . . I would probably ask her what pills she is mixing because the fuck???

As far as attending, um, I think she uninvited you. Not your loss, though. 

Post # 64
215 posts
Helper bee


Please take a live turkey. And film the results 


Post # 65
423 posts
Helper bee

So by “hosting”, what she really means is she will provide the space if everyone else provides the food? 

Post # 66
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

claire345 :  oh my god. Please, OP. Do this! 

(I mean, the friendship is already dead,  right?)

Post # 67
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Ceremony: Cellon Oak Park; Reception: Alachua Woman\'s Club

claire345 :  YES! This would be amazing! Can we start a gofundme to chip in for the live turkey? Lol

Post # 68
3169 posts
Sugar bee

She’s insane! What a way to make a good impression on your new SOs friends :/

Post # 69
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Been to many potluck type parties (my Asian heritage seems to bring an dish as part of respect for the host for opening her own home to us).  

Ive asked many a hostess what to bring–I usually am always met with “there’s no need, we have tons of food” or “being something you love to eat!” 

NEVER have I seen a host ask me to bring the main highlight dish (turkey or ham), mostly just salad, dessert, appetizer, or wine. 

What she did was odd, but her reaction is extremely unpleasant.  Now I know everyone cannot aspire to be the most gracious hostess, but she’s striving to be the worst I’ve heard so far. 

I would probably send over flowers and a note of “Sorry to miss your party! Please send my regards to others.”  I don’t like stooping to that level of infantility and I try to always be gracious even if am extremely annoyed (lol I sometimes fail this btw). 

Post # 70
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Haha that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard this morning! How does she even have the nerve?! 😂

“We’re having a house warming, it’d be great if you could come?”

“Sure that sounds good, want us to bring anything?”

“Oh just the house.” 


Post # 71
96 posts
Worker bee

forgotusername :  why on earth would you send her flowers! Op don’t waste your money. This sounds like one friendship you don’t need in your life.

Post # 72
230 posts
Helper bee

I had a good laugh. Why don’t you arrange with all the guests to bring the same dish. Like potato salad, or normal salad, or whatever. And then you all arrive and when she realises everyone’s brought the same dish, you can all quip in with:

“Oh god, I thought you were joking!”

“Me too!”

“Oh wait were you serious?”

“Wait you actually wanted us to bring… to bring an entire turkey to YOUR party?”

And the only person it would be akward for would be her, and possibly her SO. At which point he would probably relieve the group of having to deal to with her ever again.

Post # 73
326 posts
Helper bee

What the flying hell? Is she out of her mind? Have she ever been to a dinner party? Like….? The only time and places I’ve ever been told to bring something is when my work office is having a potluck even then the big bosses always always bring the meats and cook them. Everyone else brings something small like a bag a chips or maybe plastic forks. I don’t blame you for thinking she was kidding. I thought she was kidding too.

If I was you, I would go but I’m also super petty and would be daring her to confront me bc if she did she’d look even dumber than she originally looked. 

Post # 74
5790 posts
Bee Keeper

How big of a team are we talking? Are there 30+ people invited? If that’s the case or even close, is it possible she can only fit and cook one turkey in her oven at a time (which is perfectly normal) and since you offered to bring something (and may have been the first one who asked) she thought you could help. We have a few people cook and bring turkeys in my family when we are all together for a big holiday meal too. We’re up to almost 40 now with all the new kids so no one can cook and feed that many at the same time without help…or the hostess having to serve in stages.

If it is a number of 10 or less, she is taking advantage and being horribly rude.

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