(Closed) Hostile Takeover? Or should I just deal?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

Try to look at it from a slightly different view point: How will it affect things if it IS near your mom’s home in NC? Will more people have to travel? Will it almost definitely be more expensive? If you and your mom don’t mesh well with planning, will you just continue to have headaches regarding decor, food, cake, flowers, etc etc?

This is your wedding. I don’t mean to sound awful here, but this isn’t your mother’s chance to be happy and throw a wedding she wants. It is YOUR wedding. She shouldnt’ feel the “right” to be selfish about YOUR wedding!

I doubt this will completely smooth things over, but could you give your mom sole rights to the shower planning? As a slight compromise?

Post # 4
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Sounds to me like there are two options. 

1. You & Fiance + Friends and most family happy. Mom unhappy

2. Mom happy. You & Fiance + Friends and most family unhappy.

I know what I would pick.

Post # 5
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

Put your foot down now and send a clear message that this is not about her. Its about you and your Fiance. She can either enjoy the experience and be a part of things the way you wanted her to and make it a good time or she can pout about it like a two year old and be miserable the whole time but she can do it on her own. She’s a big girl and needs to get over it. Please don’t tip toe around this tantrum of hers. If you do, she will continue to do it about every other thing she wants for YOUR wedding.

Post # 6
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I can sort of see your mom’s side on this.  You started to plan a wedding with your mom’s help, had her do some investigating, and then changed everything.  Weddings can be a very special time for a mother and daughter and it sounds like she’s upset that she will be losing that time with you.  You will be communicating almost exclusively with your in-laws now, and your mom will have to ask for any input.

I’m not saying she’s correct, but don’t be so hard on her.  She probably just wants to be involved because she loves you.

Post # 8
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy

I could have written the first half of that…. As it is I get retting married near my fiance’s family and his mom is driving me INSANE. Here are somewhere ways I have found to make her feel included and powerful without letting her throw a huge tacky wedding with everyone in town invited: 

i had an idea for favors: we do my idea. She has an idea about these traditional candies that I don’t really care about? Great! I tell her she has free range on that, and her choice is golden for me.

she suggests a place that is awful? I decline. She suggests a bakery? Personally- hate cake- don’t care, sounds great her way, thanks! 

Giving her free reign on some things that are less important to me has kept her involved and excited…. So, maybe the shower is a good idea to give to your mom… Or ask her to choose the favors…. Call her about invitation opinions… Make a point to show her that she is invwithout even if the reception is far away. Remind her it is far from you too… And you are certainly involved.

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