Post # 1
I am a bit concerned about the ettiquette of hosting my own bridal lunch, but i’ll add some backround information to see if it helps. I would like to get all my female relatives, FH sister and my/mutual friends to a bridal lunch so we can all get together before the big day and spent some qaulity time together over a nice lunch ( geographically everyone is very spread out so it would be easier to ask them to lunch than to try and organise separate catch ups), as i don’t have a bridal party and my mum can’t fully organise the get- together ( my youngest brother is disabled and requires care amongst other things) Is it ok if i send out the invitations myself and ask them guests RSVP to me. I am not asking for gifts, but rather for guests to write any wishes or advice they may have for me in a card and if they wish to gift I have nominated charities my FH and I support.
Is this bad form?
A couple of my friends have gone down the DIY route, one was lovely and one was less so.
What do you all think? I will be paying for the lunch
Post # 2
It’s fine to host a lunch get together and send invites if want to, not necessary if it’s just causal. But there should be no mention of gifts (or charities) on the invite. I think it’s fine to include an advice card though.
Post # 3
I had several family members do this. It was nice. Go for it!
Post # 4
I would limit the wording on the invitations to the fact that you are inviting family and friends to attend a luncheon to be held on such and such a date, at such and such a time, and at such and such a location, with no mention of the reason for the gathering and no mention of gifts, charities, or advice.
During the luncheon, as you share with your family and friends how much they mean to you, then you could provide some beautiful paper and pens and ask them to write any advice that they may wish to offer you as you prepare for your upcoming marriage.
Post # 5
MrsN14: Thanks for taking the time to write, I forgot to mention on the original post that I am going to write a short little poem on a separate card about gifting ( not compulsory) and asking for words of advice. My FH and I feel too unconfortable asking for gifts even for our wedding day, so have asked guests to consider donating to a charity. We already live together and own more we have room for. 🙂
Post # 6
nerdybride121: I am not a poem fan. They seem overdone to me. Can you spread it by word of mouth, or just say gifts not necessary?
Post # 7
I don’t know that it’s necessary for you to send out invitations but if you have a little extra to spend, go for it! As a PP said, I wouldn’t mention any gifts either.
As for hosting the event yourself, I don’t see a problem with it. One of my MOH’s got engaged recently and she told me she’s throwing herself a bridal shower. I’m not sure what her reasoning is (other than maybe wanting to throw it exactly as she wants), but I see no problem with it whatsoever. It’s an event I would be attending regardless of who is throwing it or sending out the invitations for it. 🙂
Post # 8
I would host without the expectation of anything. Do not mention anything, anywhere (and for the love of Pete please not a cheesy poem) about gifts. It is not generous to say that gifts are not mandatory, because they rarely (only showers and childrens birthday parties) are.
I would have a table set up at the luncheon with cards that people can fill with words of wisdom at the event. It makes it seem less like the price of admission, and more a fun activity you can do at the luncheon.
Post # 9
Does it have to be so formal? With invites and all?
Can’t you just call up your friends and invite them to lunch that way there is no expectation of gift giving?
Then once they have arrived you can have some index cards or whatever placed out by a container and ask for the well wishes/advice then?
Post # 10
If you’re going to host it yourself, don’t mention gifts at all, especially not with a poem.
Post # 11
There’s nothing wrong with treating your closest friends and family to a luncheon. The key is that it is in their honor, to thank them for supporting you etc. not yours. Traditionally brides have done this for their wedding party, but no reason you can’t treat those special to you in the same way. No mention of gifts should be made whatsoever. That includes “no gifts” and it includes references to a donation to charity. In fact, if any gifts were to be given, it would be from you, not to you.
Post # 12
I know i sound incredibly old fashioned and consertive but written invites are important to me, i don’t like the whole word of mouth thing and most of my intended guests are more mature in age and prefer formal invites.
I will remove the mention of charities as i don’t want guests to feel obligated for anything.
Post # 13
playdohpants: Why should it not be so formal, with invitations and all? A written invitation does not imply the expectation of a gift — and if that is something that you infer when you receive a written invitation, you need to change your own assumptions, not the formal habits of your hostesses.
Some people like and practice formality. Some prefer informality, with phone-called invitations and all. It’s just a matter of style, and one style is as appropriate as the other.
Post # 14
I think a bridal lunch hosted by you, for your family and friends, sounds just lovely! As long as the word “shower” and “gifts/donations” is avoided I think you should be fine in terms of etiquette. As for the “words of advice”, I think it’s best to do that on sight – otherwise it’s so easy that it slips ones mind. Also, perhaps you could place a card or a note for this on each plate? I fear people might forget about it if the cards are left on a separate table.
Post # 15
You should not host parties for yourself. You can always have a party just for the heck of it, or a party in honour of the guests.