(Closed) Hosting my own bridal lunch ( in leiu of a shower)

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
3276 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s fine to host a lunch get together and send invites if want to, not necessary if it’s just causal. But there should be no mention of gifts (or charities) on the invite. I think it’s fine to include an advice card though. 

Post # 3
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I had several family members do this. It was nice. Go for it!

Post # 4
11419 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would limit the wording on the invitations to the fact that you are inviting family and friends to attend a luncheon to be held on such and such a date, at such and such a time, and at such and such a location, with no mention of the reason for the gathering and no mention of gifts, charities, or advice.

During the luncheon, as you share with your family and friends how much they mean to you, then you could provide some beautiful paper and pens and ask them to write any advice that they may wish to offer you as you prepare for your upcoming marriage.

Post # 6
598 posts
Busy bee

nerdybride121: I am not a poem fan. They seem overdone to me. Can you spread it by word of mouth, or just say gifts not necessary?

Post # 7
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I don’t know that it’s necessary for you to send out invitations but if you have a little extra to spend, go for it! As a PP said, I wouldn’t mention any gifts either.

As for hosting the event yourself, I don’t see a problem with it. One of my MOH’s got engaged recently and she told me she’s throwing herself a bridal shower. I’m not sure what her reasoning is (other than maybe wanting to throw it exactly as she wants), but I see no problem with it whatsoever. It’s an event I would be attending regardless of who is throwing it or sending out the invitations for it. 🙂

Post # 8
3267 posts
Sugar bee

I would host without the expectation of anything.  Do not mention anything, anywhere (and for the love of Pete please not a cheesy poem) about gifts.  It is not generous to say that gifts are not mandatory, because they rarely (only showers and childrens birthday parties) are. 

I would have a table set up at the luncheon with cards that people can fill with words of wisdom at the event.  It makes it seem less like the price of admission, and more a fun activity you can do at the luncheon.


Post # 9
2512 posts
Sugar bee


Does it have to be so formal? With invites and all?


Can’t you just call up your friends and invite them to lunch that way there is no expectation of gift giving?

Then once they have arrived you can have some index cards or whatever placed out by a container and ask for the well wishes/advice then?

Post # 10
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you’re going to host it yourself, don’t mention gifts at all, especially not with a poem.

Post # 11
10292 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

There’s nothing wrong with treating your closest friends and family to a luncheon.  The key is that it is in their  honor, to thank them for supporting you etc. not yours.  Traditionally brides have done this for their wedding party, but no reason you can’t treat those special to you in the same way. No mention of gifts should be made whatsoever. That includes “no gifts” and it includes references to a donation to charity.  In fact, if any gifts were to be given, it would be from you, not to you. 

Post # 13
1696 posts
Bumble bee

playdohpants:  Why should it not be so formal, with invitations and all? A written invitation does not imply the expectation of a gift — and if that is something that you infer when you receive a written invitation, you need to change your own assumptions, not the formal habits of your hostesses.

Some people like and practice formality. Some prefer informality, with phone-called invitations and all. It’s just a matter of style, and one style is as appropriate as the other.

Post # 14
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think a bridal lunch hosted by you, for your family and friends, sounds just lovely! As long as the word “shower” and “gifts/donations” is avoided I think you should be fine in terms of etiquette. As for the “words of advice”, I think it’s best to do that on sight – otherwise it’s so easy that it slips ones mind. Also, perhaps you could place a card or a note for this on each plate? I fear people might forget about it if the cards are left on a separate table.

Post # 15
413 posts
Helper bee

You should not host parties for yourself.  You can always have a party just for the heck of it, or a party in honour of the guests.

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