(Closed) Hosting our own engagement party!

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 4
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Guess not. It’s generally considered poor etiquette to throw yourself a party where gifts are involved. FWIW, lots of people don’t have engagement parties. We didn’t and I don’t personally know anyone who did. 

Post # 5
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

In my part of the world, it’s pretty standard to host your own party. We did – we held it in the function room of a local bar, put on platters of food (4 platters of hot food & 2 platters of anitpasto/veggies/cheeses etc) & a large cake – for about 50 people. We didn’t put on drinks, people could go to the bar & buy their own drinks – but again that’s pretty standard for here (you generally don’t put on the bar unless it’s for the actual wedding).

Entertainment-wise we just had the music they pump through the whole venue & got the venue to put a football game on the big screen on silent (a few die-hard fans just couldn’t miss the game apparently!). But mostly people just stayed in their groups for a while.

Good luck!

 

Post # 6
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We’ve been engaged 6 months ago and have every intention of hosting our own engagement party, we just haven’t gotten around to it yet.  What I have in mind sounds very similar to what you will be doing, a nice backyard BBQ with plenty of food and wine 🙂

Post # 7
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@UpstateCait:  I guess this is where different traditions or regional variations come in. Before reading US-based forums etc, I had no idea hardcore you guys are into people hosting parties on behalf of others etc. Here (in my area, can’t talk for the whole country!) us hosting our own party is us saying “yay, come celebrate with us!” It’s not really seen as “those people just want presents!” as self-hosting seems to imply in America.

We didn’t want gifts, anyone who told us got told that all we wanted was their presence. Of course, some guests gave gifts & they got thank you notes from us.

Post # 8
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

Coming to a more American based forum, I didn’t know that it was such poor etiquette for you guys. Here in Oz, nobody bats an eye lid if you host your own. We were planning on it, but decided it was a waste of money.

Post # 9
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

We’re hosting our own as well! I agree with OP, if we are hosting our own wedding, we can host our own engagement party! In our crowd, engagement parties don’t equal gifts but even if they did.. It’s something to celebrate, who cares who’s on the invitation?! I think wedding etiquette is antiquated, anyhow. 

Post # 10
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Milo:  fellow Aussie! Where you from?

Said it before, say it again – these forums are a total eye-opener in terms of what is/isn’t considered acceptable around the place!

Post # 11
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

@mcgoo – Melbourne 🙂

These forums have been certainly an eye-opener for me too!

Post # 12
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We did!!!! And it was great….

Post # 13
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Another reason we self-hosted is the same as the OP – money.

My partner & I both have pretty decent-paying jobs. Our parents are all in their 60s – his parents are retired, my mum doesn’t have a lot of money. While both sides offered to help out – we didn’t feel right taking money from them when they should be looking after themselvs & we are more than capable of funding it (we’re self-hosting the wedding too like the OP).

But hey – we all do things differently, otherwise the world would be pretty boring! 🙂

Post # 14
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We’re hosting our own, but we’re not expecting or wanting gifts. It’s just a party so both sides of the families and our friends can all meet and have fun.

Post # 15
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We hosted our own, and we’re paying for our own wedding too. It was really fun, and the main advice I have is just don’t worry about it!  I thought it was so cool to see friends from both sides mingling with each other.  I agree with you that these days, it just doesn’t make sense to ask the parents.  Well, if you are younger and just starting out, then that seems fair, but not for those of us who are older.

Post # 16
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

??? There isnt really such a “thing” as an engagement party in my area. I have know people to have small celebrations for an engagement, but never a full party with gifts. 

We are hosting ours.  But we had already planned to have a weekend party (we did the same last year) and have decided to sort of turn it into an engagement celebration. However its informal and i dont expect any gifts at all.  

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