(Closed) Hosting the bridal shower – issues

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
35 posts
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think it’s fine for bridesmaids to pitch in for the shower.  I’ve happily pitched in for every shower I’ve attended, whether I was a bridesmaid or not!  But more importantly, why are the bachelorette and shower on the same day, 3.5 hours away from each other??  Why don’t you just have them in the same city?  I’d be pretty annoyed if I had to travel for the shower then travel again that day for the party… Also, everyone is going to be tired by Saturday evening.  Maybe you should consider changing your plans to make things more convenient for the group?

Sorry to sound negative- just my two cents.

Post # 4
418 posts
Helper bee

Be honest with the bride about her unreasonable requests.  Let her know they dont fit your limited budget and maybe her mother will chip in if she is really set on whatever they may be.  

Maybe you can ask the other Bridesmaid or Best Man to help with food?  Bring a dish each if they are able to with all the travelling.

 ETA this sounds like a nightmare.

Post # 5
1296 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah, that all sounds kind of nuts. The way parties work is – you offer to give the bride a shower, she accepts, then you work on the details (within your own budget) after she gives you a guest list (which you can accept or decline, if it’s too many people). 

As for bachelorettes, you and the other bridesmaids can offer to throw her one, which she can accept, but then it’s up to you guys to decide what to do. You can take her wishes into consideration, but you don’t have to do any of what she’s proposing. It sounds nuts to me. So much travel for one weekend! I would be exhausted and annoyed and not in a mood to go party.

Post # 6
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

This sounds like a nightmare. She is expecting a LOT from you and her friends/family and other bridesmaids. If she wants 3 different cities I feel like SHE should be chipping in for the shower.

Post # 7
400 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
beebee1983:  +1

I don’t think the bride is really thinking this through. No way would I be in the mood to party after planning a bridal shower all day and then traveling 4 hours, in addition to having been on a plane the day before! I think it’s totally gonna backfire on her. 

Sorry you’re in this situation, OP. I think you should try again to reason with her. Or at least tell her that she/her mother needs to chip in if shes not willing to budge. It’ll be an uncomfortable convo but she’s being really crazy and this isn’t fair to everyone else. 

ETA: have the rest of the bridal party confirmed they’re flying in for all this?

Post # 8
7806 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

This is unreasonable. It would be hard for me to get on a plane two weekends out of three for even my sister or best friend–and to have two events 3.5 hours apart within 24 hours? Insanity. 

Perhaps once you poll the other BMs and they let you know they can’t or won’t deal with this travel schedule and related expenses the bride will catch on and agree to more reasonable plans. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  beethree.
Post # 9
1304 posts
Bumble bee


The whole thing sounds crazy. I would lay out your plans to the bridesmaids (ie, shower is at a family members house, we need x,y,z) and gather the ideas and come up with a reasonable budget and get everyone to agree.

Since they are all flying in, I think it would be hard for them to make food, writing a check seems a lot easier. Brunch food can be assorted pastries, coffee/tea/juice…it doesn’t need to be a full spread of eggs/waffles/etc. I would keep it light and finger food size.

Then, I would share this plan with the MOB and if she wants more, tell her the bridesmaids budgets are stretched with all the travel.

Side note – I find is super annoying/offensive with MOB and brides have “high expectations” of a shower that is being thrown for them. They should be grateful everyone is traveling for them!

Post # 10
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow. I’d be opting out of that wedding party ASAP. I’m not sure why some brides think it’s perfectly ok to inconvenience their friends just because they’re getting married. I have my own theory that chances of divorce rise when the bride acts this way. It shows a lack of empathy, not a good trait to bring into a marriage. 

Post # 11
460 posts
Helper bee

I’m exhausted just reading this! She sounds insane and just plain deluded with her expectations.

Find out how the other Bridesmaid or Best Man feel and if they have the same concerns then you ALL need to voice them to her and explain why it’s such a bad idea.

Fair enough that she has reasons behind why she wants to do all of this but all in the one weekend and at the sole expense of others? Nah.

Post # 12
35 posts
  • Wedding: September 2015

Why don’t you go to her college town, throw her a shower/bachelorette with her friends/BMs, and then if her relatives insist on having a shower closer to where they live because they don’t want to drive more than 2 hours, they can throw her one themselves?

My family is scattered all over the continent, so they threw me a surprise shower over a holiday when we were all together anyway.  It would have been too much traveling if they had to pay for flights/accommodations for the wedding AND a shower.  The bridal shower my Maid/Matron of Honor planned involved my friends and DH’s family, not my own family, and this was perfectly fine with me!

I think this bride has very unrealistic expectations.  You’re a very sweet and considerate friend to try to plan this around her demands, but I think it’s asking too much of you (and the guests who are traveling).

Post # 13
11381 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Wow, this one is entitled. I’m exhausted reading this schedule and I don’t understand how people are able to stop working/their lives for two weekends, both if which involve travel, but ok. You’re terribly sweet to do this, since it’s what she wants. 

Do you know if the bms will come? If yes, then if you want to ask for help.. No, sorry, I can’t. I see your dilemma I mean, they’ve traveled so they can’t bring food and they already spent money and you can’t even really ask for set up help given the schedule on Saturday after they’ve flown to get there. 

I would simplify this. I’d talk to the bms to see what they could do and want to do, esp if you are asking them to help. Then take pp’s suggestion to have shower in same place as bachelorette party and her family can do a family shower in their town. 

she might not like that but it’s better than having no shows or drop outs because her demands are excessive. 

Post # 14
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yeah, I probably wouldn’t come to this. I live on one coast and got married on the other. I had one shower on each coast, so no one had to travel. I had my bachelorette a couple days before my wedding on that coast so everyone was in the same place.

I would definitely have a chat with the other BMs. She doesn’t seem like she is considering them at all in this. 

Post # 15
617 posts
Busy bee

I agree with other posters that this schedule sounds completely exhausting and not like fun for really anyone involved… Way too much driving/travel for BM’s, friends, and family.  So I like the suggestion of having two showers, one for friends in her college town, and a separate one for her family in her hometown.  No, all the bridesmaids probably won’t make it to the family one (and definitely shouldn’t be expected to!).  But everyone will probably be happier in the end.

Good luck!

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