Post # 1
So I’ve been doing some research online and the majority of experts/ brides/MOB/ SIL etc. think its not appropriate for the couple to throw their own party I believe it has to do something with the receiving of presents. My FI’s father and stepmother have mentioned to him that they would throw one but we wamt to throw our own. Something very intimate and casual in our new apartment, almost like an engagement party/ housewarming party. Now regarding presents: could care less. Honestly. We have everything we need or want so I don’t see the harm in hosting it. What are your thoughts on couples hosting their own party:?</
Post # 3
Even though you don’t want presents, hosting the part yourselves could come across to some people as looking for gifts. The safest bet would be to let your Future Father-In-Law and FSMIL host the party. It’s not unheard of to host your own engagement party but I personally wouldn’t.
Post # 4
We hosted our own (it was pretty casual with FB invites etc) and I don’t think anybody had a problem with it.
I’d imagine that if you were going to hold your engagement party at a swanky restaurant you might have an issue but if you’re just having something smallish and intimate at home I say go for it!
Post # 5
Every single engagement party I have ever been to has been hosted by the couple. I think that’s pretty standard here in Australia. It’s just an excuse to have a party. A lot of people don’t even bring gifts.
Ours is in a few weeks. We’re hosting it, supplying canapes and cake and not expecting presents. If we get some, great! If not, no big deal.
Post # 6
I wanted to host one, but my family kept saying that was a big etiquette faux-paus. This was early September…it is now mid-January and we haven’t had one (and supposedly a couple different family members were supposed to throw one for us). Looking back, I should have just bit the bullet and hosted an informal shindig like I wanted to. I never felt like there was an obligation to give a gift at an engagement party – but call it a celebration of your engagement or something like that if you’re worried about the etiquette issue (or keep it small enough so that no one will get offended)
Post # 8
I have to say all this “gift etiquette” is really confusing to me but I come from quite a different culture so I guess it just the way it is…
But around here you CAN bring a gift to the wedding IF you WANT to, you are not obliged or anything (although it is good manners if it’s immediate family). But one wedding gift and THAT’S IT! Nobody ever heard about engagement party gifts or, heavens forbid, bridal showers gifts or bachelorette party gifts…
What I am trying to say, engagement party is an occasion where you want to celebrate, right? It is a party, not your birthday, right? So who cares who hosts it 😉
Post # 9
My Fiance and I hosted our own. We only moved in together a month before we got engaged, and we were planning on having a housewarming cocktail party. So we just made it a housewarming/cocktail/engagement party. Honestly, I didn’t even think about gifts prior and was surprised when a few people brought us something! Maybe I made a mistake, but it was early in the process and I wasn’t really thinking “etiquette” at that point. Either way, I don’t think anyone was offended!
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
We hosted our own and people had a great time! We said no gifts on the invite, and some brought and some did not – it was a fun party, and a fun way to celebrate our happiness with our friends and family without a burden on anyone else!
Post # 11
My family threw us an engagement party, but if they hadn’t we would not have had one for ourselves. I just kind of feel like that would be like planning my own birthday party and it would just feel weird to me. But, to each their own and if it works for you then do it.
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
@Legallyblondiebride: That’s so interesting and I guess that’s where the difference might ultimately lie – I love to throw my own birthday parties every year! (I mean, they aren’t surprise parties…) 😉
Post # 13
We hosted and paid for our engagement party! We wanted to do it! It was a lot of fun and relaxed and everyone enjoyed themselves. My parents or his parents would have done it, but we ultimately wanted to do it and treat our families and friends, because the next following block of months and wedding time would mean everyone would be spending some kind of money for traveling, bridal party costs, attire, whatever would be coming up, so it was our pleasure!
Post # 14
@Vlcatko: OMG same! When I first went on these boards, I was like…. presents? At an engagement party? And that doesn’t include booze? Bridal shower? I don’t even know what that is… but you get more presents? Where will you put them? Bridesmaids buy their own dresses… which they will probably never wear again… but you buy them a gift, at great expense to yourself, which they will probably never use again? And FAVOURS for EVERY GUEST! What kind of monster are you hosting? Plus it’s supposed to be tacky to politely ask for cash gifts only? What with all the wedding, engagement and bridal store gifts, you could open your own shop! I mean… what a waste of money… for everyone! Guess there’s no accounting for taste LOL!
Post # 15
Im sooo happy that many of you ladies think its okay! I’ll admit I was going to throw one anyway 😉 buuut now I feel okay with the idea! I was so excited to have family over our new place and decorate and cook some yummy food that I felt kinda down thinking alot of people would think its weird. I want to be around people I love and at least like not have a party with a lot of people that honestly I care nothing for!
Post # 16
I would just call it a housewarming party – obviously people will be congratulating you on your engagement too, and the families will get to know eachother, but I wouldn’t feel comfomfortable sticking the engagement party label on it. To be honest, I know I’m like the odd bee out here, but I just don’t get engagement parties. We did have dinner with our families just so they could get to know eachother and stuff, but the gifts and all that (I know you’re not asking for gifts, I’m just speaking in general terms here) always seems excessive to me, like isn’t that what the wedding and shower are for? But I totally support the idea of just having people over to see your new place and meet eachother and such.