(Closed) Hosting your own engagement party?

posted 7 years ago in Parties
  • poll: Is it okay in todays modern times for couples to host their own engagement party?
    Heck yea, it MY party and I'll host if I want to! : (34 votes)
    59 %
    Not really sure about the etiquette stuff... : (7 votes)
    12 %
    No. But I know of couples that have. : (4 votes)
    7 %
    Absolutely not. Its just...tacky : (13 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 3
    5667 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Even though you don’t want presents, hosting the part yourselves could come across to some people as looking for gifts. The safest bet would be to let your Future Father-In-Law and FSMIL host the party. It’s not unheard of to host your own engagement party but I personally wouldn’t.

    Post # 4
    1301 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    We hosted our own (it was pretty casual with FB invites etc) and I don’t think anybody had a problem with it. 

    I’d imagine that if you were going to hold your engagement party at a swanky restaurant you might have an issue but if you’re just having something smallish and intimate at home I say go for it!

    Post # 5
    304 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Every single engagement party I have ever been to has been hosted by the couple. I think that’s pretty standard here in Australia. It’s just an excuse to have a party. A lot of people don’t even bring gifts.

    Ours is in a few weeks. We’re hosting it, supplying canapes and cake and not expecting presents. If we get some, great! If not, no big deal.


    Post # 6
    378 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I wanted to host one, but my family kept saying that was a big etiquette faux-paus. This was early September…it is now mid-January and we haven’t had one (and supposedly a couple different family members were supposed to throw one for us). Looking back, I should have just bit the bullet and hosted an informal shindig like I wanted to. I never felt like there was an obligation to give a gift at an engagement party – but call it a celebration of your engagement or something like that if you’re worried about the etiquette issue (or keep it small enough so that no one will get offended)

    Post # 7
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    Totally fine.

    Post # 8
    140 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I have to say all this “gift etiquette” is really confusing to me but I come from quite a different culture so I guess it just the way it is…

    But around here you CAN bring a gift to the wedding IF you WANT to, you are not obliged or anything (although it is good manners if it’s immediate family). But one wedding gift and THAT’S IT! Nobody ever heard about engagement party gifts or, heavens forbid, bridal showers gifts or bachelorette party gifts…

    What I am trying to say, engagement party is an occasion where you want to celebrate, right? It is a party, not your birthday, right? So who cares who hosts it 😉

    Post # 9
    607 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    My Fiance and I hosted our own.  We only moved in together a month before we got engaged, and we were planning on having a housewarming cocktail party.  So we just made it a housewarming/cocktail/engagement party.  Honestly, I didn’t even think about gifts prior and was surprised when a few people brought us something!  Maybe I made a mistake, but it was early in the process and I wasn’t really thinking “etiquette” at that point.  Either way, I don’t think anyone was offended!

    Post # 10
    2362 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

    We hosted our own and people had a great time!  We said no gifts on the invite, and some brought and some did not – it was a fun party, and a fun way to celebrate our happiness with our friends and family without a burden on anyone else!

    Post # 11
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    My family threw us an engagement party, but if they hadn’t we would not have had one for ourselves. I just kind of feel like that would be like planning my own birthday party and it would just feel weird to me. But, to each their own and if it works for you then do it.

    Post # 12
    2362 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

    @Legallyblondiebride:  That’s so interesting and I guess that’s where the difference might ultimately lie – I love to throw my own birthday parties every year! (I mean, they aren’t surprise parties…) 😉

    Post # 13
    536 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    We hosted and paid for our engagement party! We wanted to do it! It was a lot of fun and relaxed and everyone enjoyed themselves. My parents or his parents would have done it, but we ultimately wanted to do it and treat our families and friends, because the next following block of months and wedding time would mean everyone would be spending some kind of money for traveling, bridal party costs, attire, whatever would be coming up, so it was our pleasure! 

    Post # 14
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    @Vlcatko:  OMG same! When I first went on these boards, I was like…. presents? At an engagement party? And that doesn’t include booze? Bridal shower? I don’t even know what that is… but you get more presents? Where will you put them? Bridesmaids buy their own dresses… which they will probably never wear again… but you buy them a gift, at great expense to yourself, which they will probably never use again? And FAVOURS for EVERY GUEST! What kind of monster are you hosting? Plus it’s supposed to be tacky to politely ask for cash gifts only? What with all the wedding, engagement and bridal store gifts, you could open your own shop! I mean… what a waste of money… for everyone! Guess there’s no accounting for taste LOL!

    Post # 16
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would just call it a housewarming party – obviously people will be congratulating you on your engagement too, and the families will get to know eachother, but I wouldn’t feel comfomfortable sticking the engagement party label on it. To be honest, I know I’m like the odd bee out here, but I just don’t get engagement parties.  We did have dinner with our families just so they could get to know eachother and stuff, but the gifts and all that (I know you’re not asking for gifts, I’m just speaking in general terms here) always seems excessive to me, like isn’t that what the wedding and shower are for? But I totally support the idea of just having people over to see your new place and meet eachother and such.

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