(Closed) Hot and Cold Friend/Bridesmaid

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@SweetartMD: Completely understand your frustration. I have friends like that too. I’ve talked to them about it a few times, and nothing has changed. Now I’m trying to learn how to accept them the way they are. It’s hard for me to accept that some of my friends will contact me once for every 5 times I contact them. But I’m starting to understand that different people express friendship and support in different ways, and I can’t expect everyone to do things exactly the way I do. It’s been a hard thing for me to accept, and I’m still trying.

In your situation, I’d be inclined to let it go. It’s a tough situation when someone is pregnant/has kids. Having seen close friends and family have kids, I’ve learnt that life for new mums is very full on, and is above and beyond any wedding planning stress. If your friend has always been this way, she will probably just get worse with the baby, and there’s not much you can do about it.

If you had tasks for her then you could ask her if she’d prefer to step down now that life is about to get super busy for her, but since you have everything covered by other friends/family, I would be inclined to let her be next to you on the day and celebrate with you.

Post # 5
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SweetartMD:  I had a friend like this from childhood. We eventually had a falling out and don’t speak anymore. I still miss her sometimes, but the friendship was so stressful that it wasn’t worth it to me anymore to salvage it, so I let it go. I can’t imagine her being in my wedding. It would have been a real challenge.

I’m not saying you should dump your friend, but I do understand what you’re going through.

This siutation is deeper than just the wedding. She is bailing on your friendship. I would send her an email, since she won’t talk to you, and tell her what you’re feeling. See what she says first, because maybe she’s going through some things, who knows. Be honest about what you need in terms of the wedding though. It’s OK if she’s too busy now to committ to being Maid/Matron of Honor, but she needs to tell you that.

If you still hear nothing back, then move on without her.

Post # 6
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@SweetartMD: I definitely wouldn’t say you’re being selfish. I think it’s reasonable to expect someone who calls themselves your friend to be there for you. I struggle with it too:(

Post # 7
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have to agree with you OP, as well as @winerygirl — you’re not being selfish. One of my MOHs (having two) lives in NYC and while we’re pretty good about keeping in touch, I usually have to initiate it. It definitely gets on my nerves at times, but I have to keep in mind that I really, really feel strongly about the friendship so I always give in and reach out to her.

Would you care if you stopped talking? If not, keep trying!!

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