(Closed) House Decorating is a NIGHTMARE with my fiance

posted 8 years ago in Home
Post # 4
1949 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

oh wow. Sorry you’re going through this. I’m almost at the polar opposite with DH. He wants the walls COVERED with decor/pictures, and his idea of decor is tacky stuff that you’d find in the 80s. I’m all for decore, but sparingly and used as statement pieces, so not every inch of the house is covered/cluttered.

It’s a battle for us too! He has an opinion on EVERYTHING. He can’t just have curtain panels, he wants the drapping swag that goes over the curtain rod with tassels for tie backs :S

Post # 5
1176 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This is such an interesting problem to have! Normally you don’t see too many couples with polar opposite aesthetics. I don’t agree with his tastes but I do salute him for having them. My Fiance couldn’t even tell you if our couch has throw pillows without looking.

You both live in the house, therefore you both have to compromise. He should get to decorate some of the rooms in his style, and you should get to do some of the rooms in your style. You should both be generous and uncritical about the other’s rooms – no sniping about hospital taste or calling one another tacky. I do think he has to compromise about privacy, though, especially if it’s a security issue. 

Post # 6
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow. Maybe you should look at this as an opportunity that you are engaged and not married yet.  You learn A LOT about someone when you live with them/buy a house.  It’s normal to not always agree on everything, but how you decribed it makes it sound like he is very over-bearing and controlling??  Maybe this a good time to re-evaluate things.  If he is so stubborn about this, just think what else may come down the pike?  Sounds like he needs to learn a little bit more about women and how a woman’s home is VERY important to them.  It’s a very natural thing for women to want to decorate and make a house a HOME.  Good luck!

Post # 7
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Black, white and grey can look nice.  Maybe you could convince him to allow you to use patterns if you stick to those colours?  Or one solid colour (not white, black or grey)?

Post # 8
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I can see that this would be frustrating… but I am wondering how, since you two aren’t married, if maybe this is a red flag.

Or is it just especially frustrating today? 

My fiance thinks I want too many pillows that are not for laying on, but he also mostly just doesn’t care what the house looks like and I can decorate it however, as long as we agree on a budget. Conversely, he can get technology stuff he likes and I don’t care what it is as long as we agree on a budget… 

I can’t think of something we can’t find a compromise on, especially as it comes to lifestyle… when did you first notice this?

Post # 9
394 posts
Helper bee

As an interior designer myself, I often find myself being the mediator in situations like this lol. You might want to get a professional opinion or another view that isn’t yours? There is a huge difference in having a place where you put all your stuff and a place you feel at home. Have you thought about going through ID magazines and asking him what he likes? Sometimes people shy away from doing anything because they just don’t know how to do it. Pick one thing and do that first. Focus on finding a rug/wall art/etc together and doing one thing at a time. People can get overwhemled by thinking about the big picture rather than just doing something little by little. I mean all white/neutral can be pretty fantastic, if it’s done correctly, but there isn’t anything wrong with a little color either. May the force be with you, my dear. Either way, good luck!

Post # 10
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would just go buy things and sneek things in slowly without asking until he brings it up.

Post # 11
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

My Fiance is similar in that he prefers neutrals and whatnot. That’s really too bad, because I went to Target and bought stuff to furnish the apartment. He can deal with it (though he wanted to fight me on the ugly throw pillows that came with our couch–they look like these, but are circles instead of squares and I HATE them…I think they’ll “disappear” when we move)

Now that we’re registering, I’m trying to get stuff that he likes (or at least doesn’t hate), but he doesn’t really care that much (unless it’s those stupid pillows).

But, um, end of the world preparedness gear? …no.

Post # 12
155 posts
Blushing bee

LOL! We went through this, too! We had such different tastes in what was going to go in our home, and it totally got frustrating (no, I DO NOT think this is a red flag, and you should leave him…)! I explained my frustration to my man, and asked him to come with me to a few of my favorite home/furniture stores. He agreed, we went, and he showed me what he liked. I think it’s just that some men don’t necessarily know how to use their words when talking about things like throw pillow, curtain tie backs, etc.

Best of luck to you, and just so you know, we now have a home that is totally ours and is way better than either of us could have done alone!!

Post # 13
1332 posts
Bumble bee

omg what kind of survial stuff? How much room does it take?

Post # 14
3696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My husband is like that, but not extreme.  It took a lot of convincing, but he loves our living room painted three different shades of blue.  When he went to China for two weeks once I had my mom over and we redid the whole master suite.  Light green paint to match the comforter set I bought, with chocolate brown accents.  He came home and was like “wow, nice.” 

You’ll know him better than anyone, but I find that just doing things is easier in our relationship.  If I want to put a picture on the wall, I put it on the damn wall, it’s my house too.  As long as we don’t go broke doing it, he doesn’t fuss over it.  I do keep his preferences in mind when decorating, and consult him on things like big area rugs and furniture, but don’t bother with art (since he hates it all) and little things like pillows. 

Post # 15
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would try tearing out 20 or so different styles of living rooms from home deocrating magazines and ask him if there is any room he likes. Sometimes its hard to see the whole picture when you are building a room one piece at a time. 

Then use that style to design the room. Ask him to trust you with the end product.

He may like an all netural room, but you can still play with materials and metals etc to bring it to life. 

Post # 16
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My husband started out this way (altho, not to the extreme you talked about) and after about 4 months he completely gave up. It wasn’t worth it for him to fight me about these things. He started to love the decorating I did and I think he realized that I care a lot more about the decor of the house so he just let me do my thing. I hope that your Fiance also realizes that in the grand scheme of things, the home decor is not supposed to be a battle. Until then, I wish you luck and hope that he starts to compromise soon!

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