(Closed) House guest – is this rude or am I over-reacting?

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 3
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Ok, I do think you are slightly overreacting. If it were me, I woudl clean everything up, and then ask her if she could make sure to clean up her dishes after she’s done with them. Hell, if she is staying there for free, I’d ask her to do yours as well!

Post # 4
13014 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you’re stressed and extra work is never fun!  But I bet she’s just copying you – or she thought washing the dishes would make too much noise while you were studying.  It sounds like she’s really trying to respect your need for quiet, so she could have taken it to the extreme an thought she’d do the dishes the next day when she got back?  I don’t know…

If it really will bother you, you could bring it up, but it might make an awkward/uncomfortable situation for both of you, when she thinks you’re watching her ever move.

But it’s very sweet of you to let her stay with you during this stressful time, so I hope she gets the hint and starts cleaning up after herself!

Post # 5
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t think you’re overreacting. That’s rude of her to not to do her dishes. Esp since she doesn’t do anything all day.

I’m not sure what you could say though…

Post # 6
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s ok, vent away. 

And, to answer your question, YES, you just have exam/bride stress on the brain and need to chill.  She hasn’t done anything wrong.  No doubt she was just copying you and didn’t want to disturb you to ask what to do with the dishes. 

I feel for you.  Houseguests are not my favorite thing for more than a day or two.  But you offered, so now you are stuck.  And she is a friend.  So, put yourself in her place and imagine how uncomfortable this already is for her.  Be a gracious hostess.  Otherwise you’re going to feel like total crap about yourself, lol.  Wash the dishes, she is your guest.  If it gets to be a problem going forth, then talk to her about it (in a nice way). 

Good luck with exams!!

Post # 7
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

May she a) assumed the dishwasher was full and would have to empty it and thus cause noise and problems if I did incorrectly, b) to make sure she did it correctly or clear up the confusion she would have had to interrupt and c) just copied you without thinking about it/assuming there was a reason. 

It’s only been 3 days and everyone is trying to get the hang of how things work. However, it sounds like you really don’t want her there and this may go very sour if you guys don’t figure out a solution soon. 

Post # 8
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yes, one of the many perks of having roommates.  I’ve been in this situation plenty of times and usually just cleaned my stuff and left hers.  Although since it’s the first time it happened, and maybe she was planning to clean it later too, I’d say wash them (if you have time of course!) and then see if she says anything about it when she gets back.  If she thanks you or apologizes, it’s likely that she would plan to clean in the future and maybe just did what you did by leaving stuff in the sink too.

Post # 10
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Loupyloo:  I definitely think I would say something to her. Even a light heartened “hey, do you think you could do your dishes before you leave next time? it would make things so much easier on me!”. She may have thought doing the dishes would be too noisy 

Post # 11
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

hmm I think she may have been trying to be quiet, so just ask her to either put dishes in dishwasher or clean them. I personally feel weird washing dishes at someone house that I don`t hangout or go to a lot. So I always ask permission first.

Post # 12
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wash them, but talk to her about it.

Post # 13
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sorry you are under so much stress. But she sounds like a very sweet houseguest and while you may think it’s distracting that she’s reading, using the computer, etc. she is probably just tryint to find quiet activities.

If the sink is full of dirty dishes how can she wash hers? It drives me crazy when Darling Husband leaves dishes in the sink because then I can’t wash anything until they are all done. The water has no place to drain and just makes more of a mess.

I would just talk to her. You can say something as to how you are during exam time with leaving your dishes around, but ask her if she could do hers each time because that is what you usually do in the house. I would be hesitant on asking her to do her dishes without addressing the dishes that you are leaving around (I know it’s your hourse) But like PP’s said she is probably just copying you are trying to be considerate.

Post # 15
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yeah, that’s rude.  Just ask her polititely to clean up after herself!

Post # 16
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I think it’s pretty rude.The phrase “make yourself at home” doesn’t mean creating a mess in a house that is not yours.

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