(Closed) House guests before and after wedding ?

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
4818 posts
Honey bee

1.  You don’t.  This is your fiance’s family – he should be the one to deal with them. 

2.  What does your fiance have to say about this?  Did he tell them ok?  Does he want them there?  Does he agree with you?  The two of you need to be on the same page.

3.  You (and I mean your fiance) just tell them no.  “I’m sorry, but we’re not equipped to have houseguests.”  “I’m sorry, but we just can’t host people during this time.”  “I’m sorry, but long-term houseguests just aren’t possible.”  The two of you can help them find a reasonable hotel in the area or a short-term rental on air b-n-b or similar if necessary.   

Post # 3
Member
6310 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
shevawnb :  Nope! THat’s the one thing DH and I agreed with….that we’d have no house guests during our wedding week. There’s too much going on, I didn’t want the extra stress of having people in my house – especially since the girls and I would be getting ready here the day of.

DH’s parents rented a house (we live in a vacation resort area) & my family lives local but my mom who came from out of town stayed with local family. Everyone else stayed in hotels or rented a vacation property.

Your DH needs to handle this with his family. Has he already told them yes? He needs to go to them and say

“mom and dad – we are not having house guests the weeks leading up to and following our wedding, you guys are going to need to get a hotel. It’s too busy of a time and already stressful, plus we’ve already turned down requests from other people – it would not be fair to let you guys stay.”

Post # 4
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Definitely your finance’s problem to deal with. But to compromise, do you think you could host them for one week and then they find accommodation for the second week closer and after the wedding? 

Post # 5
Member
3527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

You fiance need to deal with this asap. As a promise I would host them the first week only. The week leading up to the wedding nope!! Too much stress!! And the 2 days after the wedding? ARE THEY KIDDING? YOU GUYS ARE NEWLYWEDS!!  I would also emphasize about the animals, they will already be on edge just picking up on our stress.. they dont need to have other people around and get more stressed out which will stress you out even more! Actually now that I think aboit it . I probably wouldnt want to host even for the first week.. just cause of the animals!

Post # 6
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Your place. Your decision. They can afford accomodations, they just don’t want to pay for it? 

Shee-it.

Post # 7
Member
2794 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

We hosted the groomsmen the days before the wedding, but I use hosted lightly. They came and went out to dinner, had a fire out back with DH while I went to sleep early – I only hung out with them for half an hour or so and then I did my own thing. During the day I did errands and they went with my husband to do his. It was not a big deal, but they didn’t expect me to be cooking or entertaining. If your in laws will expect that then, no, definitely not. And hell no to the nights afterward. 

Post # 8
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

My mom was asking leading questions trying to figure out if I would let her stay in my home prior to my upcoming wedding.  NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, it’s bad enough a few hours for holidays gets everyone anxious, I sure as heck am not going to have people in my place stressing me out leading up to the big day or after.  Hotels are cheap where I am.

 

Hold your guns and change the locks if need be.  Also give them a number to a nice place to stay.

Post # 9
Member
809 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
shevawnb :  we’ve got FI’s family staying now and more arriving before the wedding next week. But the difference is:

1) I hardly feel I have to host them, they are so easy

2) we have the room and no pets

3) I am going to my parent’s for two days before the wedding so I won’t have to worry about the last minute stress

4) I am off work and have plenty of time

5) they are leaving the day after the wedding when we go back to our house

I think there is room for compromise here. Two weeks is a long time for them to stay, especially when you don’t have lots of time to yourself beforehand. Talk to your Fiance and see if he can talk to his parents about a compromise. 

Post # 10
Member
7259 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Your Fiance definitely needs to talk to them. My mother lives with me and when I made it clear that her parents couldn’t stay with us before my wedding she tried to push back, saying things like “Are you really saying that your grandparents cannot stay at our home when they’re flying out here for your wedding?” Like that was supposed to guilt trip me. I pointed out to her that in the last three years they’ve flown to three other of their grandchildren’s weddings and they never expected to stay with either the bride or the groom so yes, I meant exactly what I said.

I would speak with your Fiance and make it clear to him that having his family staying with you just before your wedding (when you will likely be doing a lot of last minute running around and taking care of details while also still working) is not okay and they are absolutely NOT welcome to stay with you after your wedding!

They shouldn’t even have accepted the invite if they have the resources to stay somewhere else.

Post # 11
Member
868 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
shevawnb :  Yeah, this is rough. I’m not exactly sure how you can tell them that they are inconveincing you, it’s a fine line to walk… Is there any way your Fiance can talk about it with them? 

DH and I both have international family and friends who came for our wedding. We were very grateful that they were willing to travel so far for our wedding!! But I had to tell his mother and aunties specifically that I did not want them to arrive early to “help” because it wouldn’t be helpful, it would be stressfull and it would require me to be a hostess to international family while I’m stressed about wedding planning. Ultimately the family got the hint and didn’t try to stay with us. 

On the other hand we had a few freinds from France who also came for the wedding. One single friend and one married couple. The married couple asked if they could stay at our house while we were on our honeymoon – I said sure no problem. But then the single freind assumed that she could stay with us the 3 days after the wedding before we left on the honeymoon. It wasn’t the end of the world, but it definately wasn’t ideal either. We did let her stay bc we didn’t want to totally abandon her after she crossed an ocean for us. But we weren’t pumped about it. 

I don’t know why some people have a hard time understanding the stress that happens before and after a wedding. Good luck with your FILs!! 

Post # 12
Member
7995 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Wait, who could possibly okay this except you and FI? Or did Fiance okay it and then inform you instead of asking you first? Either way, you need to talk with him and have him deal with this and stop it. It is completely unreasonable for anyone (ESPECIALLY FI) to think it would be okay to stay with you before and/or after the wedding.

Post # 14
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

everyone is going to have a different opinion… we are hosting the Bridesmaid or Best Man and his wife and child, as they are coming from the other side of the world 🙂 BUT I found a really lovely place close by (5 mins up the road lol… but with better views) for FH and I to stay in the night before and night of the wedding… I started off looking for places for the friends to stay and then thought if I was paying for nice accommodation, I want to be the one staying in it! (not sure if this could work for you?? I found the place on stayz, which is similar to air b&B…)

I’m not convinced it will be amazing for my sanity, and there’s no way I could put up with family at that time (mum stayed with us over christmas and I loved that… but 2 nights was enough! let alone the in-laws…) OH! and I’m on holidays still… one of the reasons we are getting married in Jan is the holidays thing.

I hope you can get out of them staying with you- at LEAST the week before the wedding and 2 nights afterwards!

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