House Hunting – Is Husband Too Picky?

posted 12 months ago in Home
Post # 2
Member
9998 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I don’t know if he’s being too picky or not but he’s been a crappy partner and really immature. Is he maybe having cold feet about making such a huge decision? Have you had issues communicating in the past?

Post # 3
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

House hunting is hard. We just went through it.

However it does sound like he’s being childish. It could be that it’s something deeper, like he’s actually scared to commit to a house but isn’t owning up so is blocking you conversationally.

I think you need to have a sit down conversation – not over text – where it’s not about convincing him to buy this house but understanding what it is about this house doesn’t feel right so that you can integrate that into the list of things you’re looking for and continue to hunt.

Just because there are only 2 houses now doesn’t mean more will appear in the future. It only takes the right one. House hunting is a game of patience so be prepared to watch the market. Continue going to open houses and discussing what you like and don’t lke so that when the right house does appear it will feel “right”. 

Post # 4
Member
7633 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It sounds like something else is bothering him, but for some reason he’s not being candid about that. His “logic” makes no sense for all the reasons you explained. I think it’s time to sit him down and ask him to tell you what is really going on in his head. Maybe he’s just having qualms about making this type of investment in general, but doesn’t want to admit that so instead he’s inventing lame reasons why every home you look at wouldn’t work?

Post # 5
Member
940 posts
Busy bee

I wonder why he is dismissive about his whole downtown reason? Seems to be so adamant on it that he doesnt consider other potantial places as a possibility. I think let him know, ‘hey i need a valid and sound reason as to why you want to be closer to downtown so we can see if we need to furthermore narrow down our searches.’ 

You guys could miss a potential good home bc husband wanted to be a littel closer to an area for a reaon you dont know is good enough or not. 

Post # 6
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee

yeah something seems off– if he is shooting down homes based on 2.5 miles that just seems strange to me!

Post # 7
Member
1529 posts
Bumble bee

He’s being immature for sure, but maybe he just didn’t like the house and couldn’t communicate why? Sometimes logically a house should be perfect for you, but your heart doesn’t love it. I know I had that problem with a house we viewed, my fiancée loved it, but I just didn’t get that feeling and I couldn’t really explain why, she got quite frustrated and felt I was being too picky, and had no “good reasons” to not go for it. The house we viewed after that on paper was “worse”, but we both just had that feeling as soon as we walked in and that’s the house we’re buying. 

Post # 10
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I agree that I don’t think it’s that he’s being picky it sounds like he’s just being childish and vague in his communication.  I agree with the PP who said it sounds like he doesn’t like the house but can’t really verbalize why.  And though I think he is communicating it poorly I get it because I am emotional when it comes to big purchases as well and some homes didn’t feel like home to me.  I guess for me a home is a huge purchase and you both need to feel good about it so if my husband were not into a house it wouldn’t stay on the list even if rationally it had the right things.

Personally if you don’t have a reason/need to move right away I think it can be good to be picky.  I think because I lived through the experience of the retail downturn it’s important to me to have a home where I am not just settling and am thinking about my needs now vs. my needs to come.

Granted it took me almost 2 years to find a place and I was frustrated/emotional about it at the time but I love my home so much that now it seems worth it.

Post # 11
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

House aside, I would be LIVID if my husband said “I’m not answering your question” or responded with a poop emoji for anything (unless it was me asking what my Christmas present is), but ESPECIALLY for something this big. It’s fine and all he doesn’t want it but he can use his big boy words to explain why

FWIW, our house is “technically” in the less prestigious city by about 2 blocks, which has affected our lives exactly zero, as it is still just as close to all the stuff in the prestigious city. 

Post # 12
Member
7633 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If he has strong emotional reasons for not wanting these houses, that is his right, but refusing to discuss it with you like a mature adult – sending poop emoijs, etc. – that is messed up and infantile. I wouldn’t stand for that.

ETA: There’s a time and a place for the poop emoji, certainly! But this ain’t it.

Post # 13
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee

You don’t have a house hunting issue, you have a husband issue.  Neither spouse is allowed to answer a question with that kind of dismissive response. 

Post # 15
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee

Perhaps he doesn’t want to buy a house at all?

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