Post # 1
My FML made a suggestion that got my fiance thinking… and me uncomfortable.
When she learned that we were planning on going to Bali or Tokyo for two weeks she suggested that we scrap the whole honeymoon idea (because it’s a “waste of money”) and opt to buy a house instead.
She also threw in a little incentive: She said that if we opt to buy a house and forgo the honeymoon, she will “contribute” to our downpayment.
Yeah. Right. — is what I have to say to that!
I know that she just means well, but she has made promises in the past that she hasn’t kept. Also, I WANT to go on a honeymoon. Fiance and I hardly get to travel and this will be one opportunity for us to have a nice trip before we start saving for a house and planning a family.
Problem is… my fiance now WANTS to do what his mother is suggesting. I’m a little bit pissed off. He is now singing her song of “a house is more practical than a honeymoon.”
Any words of wisdom for me? How do I convince him that a honeymoon isn’t such a bad idea?
Post # 3
Honestly, depending on how much money she would give you, I would go for getting the house. Make her “show you the money” first though. If she doesn’t then go for the honeymoon.
Post # 4
Personally, I’m with your fiance on this one. I would rather have a house than a vacation.. it’s an investment in your future.. and you can always go on vacation later. That being said.. I have had the chance to travel with my husband a lot and we also decided to delay our honeymoon because our schedule didn’t allow for it right now so I’m biased. Can you maybe compromise? Instead of doing such an elaborate honeymoon you could put a large amount of money towards a house.. and then going on a shorter trip somewhere closer.
Post # 5
Can you compromise and do something less extravagant?
Post # 6
I think a honeymoon is a very important part of the newlywed experience. If you don’t do one, even a small one, you may regret it. It’s a time to unwind and relax with your husband, talk talk talk about your future, and make memories that will stick with you long into the relationship. You should try to think of a compromise here. Can you do a less expensive honeymoon closer to home AND get a house?
Post # 7
A house is more practical than a honeymoon…BUT a honeymoon isn’t supposed to be practical! It’s supposed to be fun and romantic and as lavish as you want it to be. Honestly I think it’s kinda rude of you Mother-In-Law to suggest that. She should mind her own bees wax lol. Fiance and I will move into his little appartment after our honeymoon while we save up again for a good downpayment. Plus once you buy a house you never know if you will ever have a chance to have that romantic getaway!
Post # 8
@ Tulip61110 – She said she would give us $5000… which is not much towards the downpayment of a house. We already have quite a bit put away, so that $5000 (which will probably not even manifest) is not that big of a help. Plus, we already had a plan in place: get through wedding and honeymoon, finish school (he’s doing his PhD)… then buy a house. Her suggestions, however well-intended, are screwing up our plans.
Post # 9
My Future Mother-In-Law did something similar to us, she offered us 20k to not have a big wedding and just go to the courthouse instead. I was offended that she tried to bribe us into doing what she felt was best and we told her no thank you. A lot of things are more practical than weddings/honeymoons but its not wrong to want a honeymoon. Honestly, I’d go on the honeymoon.
Post # 10
That’s tough, on one side of the coin, they’re right. A house is more practical than a trip. But I’m like you, I see the honeymoon (and this whole summer for us personally) as a chance to do the things you haven’t been able to do, to take a once in a lifetime trip. And after that, you can save for a house. My step father gets sooooo angry when I say stuff like that, his priorities and mine have always differed. Anyway, I’d weigh the pro’s and con’s with your Fiance. You don’t want to scratch the honeymoon if you can’t rely on her offer. But I would be careful when talking to your Fiance about this, I’ve fallen in traps before in similar situations. My Future Mother-In-Law is great, she’s such a sweet woman, but she’s also been known to bite off more than she can chew, so she’ll offer something that she can’t fulfill. But if I said something even remotely not positive, my Fiance freaks out! And the whole convo goes down in flames.
Post # 11
@ sunnydebs – Thank you! That’s exactly what I was aiming for– a chance to get away and unwind and talk, talk, talk, with my fiance about our future.
@ JennyChicago – My brother told me the exact thing you just said, which is that once we buy a house we’ll never know when we’ll get to have a romantic getaway.
In terms of a compromise, I can forget about Bali because it is quite expensive… but Tokyo is already cheap. We would spend the same amount for two weeks in Tokyo, as if we decided to go to the Caribbean for a week.
I would like to compromise and have a small, cheap honeymoon… but where? Hawaii is not cheap. Fiji is definitely not cheap. Nothing is cheap these days :-/
Post # 12
I would go on the honeymoon as well…but my Fiance and I are also people who don’t have a problem with renting for the forseeable future. Owning a house isn’t important to us, so I’m definitely biased on the side of going on a fabulous honeymoon–and Bali or Tokyo would be pretty fabulous. I would talk to your Fiance and see if you guys can come to an agreement on it. It might be that he thinks about it for a few more days and realizes that, hey, the money she wants to give us isn’t that much and I DO want to go on a honeymoon. But I would definitely let him know how you feel.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I have to side with your Future Mother-In-Law and fiance on this one. Could you maybe take a mini-moon, a long weekend someplace not too expensive, and then buy a house? It’s so much more practical.
Post # 14
I understand why your Fiance sees this as a great idea, but once you own a house your trips will probably be limited for the first couple of years. You only live once and once you are a homeowner you will be a homeowner forever. Fiance and I decided to only put 15% down instead of 20% so we could afford to take our honeymoon and I do not regret that decision at all. Enjoy your new marriage and your honeymoon and escape for a little while together.
In regards to compromise, my brother went to Sandals in St.Lucia for 10 days all inclusive and the flight was only $5,000. Just an idea.
Post # 15
You said that he is getting his PhD. Does that mean he is not working right now? I would make sure that you have stable incomes and money saved up in case of emergencies (broken furnace, leaking roof, etc) before you purchase a house. I might consider doing a less extravagent honeymoon so that you can keep that money saved to buy a house and for life emergencies (because you never know if you are going to end up losing your job or getting injured).
Post # 16
I vote for the honeymoon!! We already owe a house – I wanted a house before I wanted a ring or a wedding – the house was more important at the time.
You said your Fiance is getting his PhD? So I am assuming he will be making more $$ in the future? Which means getting the house down the road is VERY possible! Travel while you can now!! If you put off your honeymoon, you may find yourself married for 10 years, kids, a house, and STILL waiting to take that honeymoon!
And don’t count on the $$ until its in your hands aka bank account!