Post # 1
Hello Bees! I am new to the hive and am a bee in waiting. How long I will be waiting depends on this little dilemma and I could use some help. This is probably going to be long, so I appologize in advance…
My SO and I have been together for a year now and early on we both realized that this was “it” for both of us. In the last 6-8 months I’ve decided that I wanted to move. As luck would have it, I was able to find and purchase a lot of land in my dream location. So I’ve been designing the plans for this new house with our future family in mind. During this process he has helped me and given me his opinion but for the most part he looks at it as “MY” house. I have planned to start building in the late Spring of 2012 which will give me time to save up for the 20% needed for the construction loan, etc.
Well, the other day the SO makes a comment about how we need X amount of money to sell my current houes, finish the new house, furnish the new house and an additional X if we want to have a wedding any time soon. We’ve never had a discussion about when we would get married but it has been obvious for both of us that this would happen eventually.
So my dilemma is this…I am about to spend several thousand dollars on a blue print for the house. Now I’m wondering if it wouldn’t be best just to put the whole house on hold for a year or so and get married first. I could theoretically afford to do both at the same time, but my wedding budget would be significantly smaller which I don’t really mind. Unfortunately my SO has been married before and let it slip that his first wedding cost 80-90K!!! Intelectually I know that I don’t have to and shouldn’t feel the need to compete with that. I’m just afraid his family and friends are going to think I’m cheap.
So what do you think? What would you do? Sorry for the long post but I’m torn. Thanks for any advice!
Post # 3
I think I would take into consideration how old you are, how you view your current living situation (cramped apartment or just not satisfied with your current house?), and how soon you plan on having kids and starting a family. If it were me personally, I would choose a new house over a one day party any day.
Post # 4
I would take the house and do a smaller wedding. Who cares what they think when you’re sitting in your nice new perfect house. There’s no need to compete with a past wedding… I mean, thats over and done with. Obviously the wedding and party and all the money didnt help the marriage.
Post # 5
get the house! do a small, diy wedding- or even better elope.
Post # 6
I think a wedding can happen anyday, but I wouldn’t put off the opportunity to set up your house, as there will always be something that costs money that will delay your plans further (like do you want children, for example?)
I firmly believe a couple should be settled somewhere before marrying, otherwise it will just strain you as you will want to live together, but will have nowhere to live, where as getting married, you could put that after building the house and it will be an objective for you both after moving in 🙂
Post # 7
I would say build your dream house and have a small wedding. At the end of the day you’ll still be married and you’ll have your dream house to go home to.
Post # 8
We chose a smaller wedding bc we were building our home. In the end it was worth it to us over anything else.
Post # 9
If I felt very solid in the relationship, and I wanted a house, and I had to choose, my priorities would be:
1. house first
2. small wedding or low budget wedding with a temporary placeholder ring
3. nice ring upgrade later, when we could afford it
Post # 10
finish the house and have the wedding in your backyard! thats what we are doing 🙂
Post # 11
Who says it has to be a 90 K wedding? Have a small wedding, and then finish the house.
Post # 12
A wedding lasts a day. I would pick the security of having a house first and still having a smaller more economical wedding. How much he spent on his last marriage shouldn’t be any your concern. This is about your life together and future. Trying to compare your present circumstances to the ghost of a failed relationship if waste of energy.
Post # 13
e-ring, then house, then a small wedding reception with family and close friends in house 🙂
Post # 14
Buy a house first! It is more important as a wedding can happen any time at any budget. Plus i think it is a good idea to live together before marriage.
Post # 15
House or no house spending $90k on a ring is just stupid, did not help him any.
Biy the house!
Post # 16
House. Small wedding. There are so many lovely small weddings. If I had it to do over again I’d give married at the courthoue in Detroit and invite immediate family to a very nice restaurant for a fantastic meal and drinks.