(Closed) House or engagement first?

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

we dated for a year then started saving for house, although I said there’ll be no purchase with “commitment” (ie. ring) even though I wasnt puting in more money than him, a yr later proposal, 3.5 months later house bought, 4.5 months later is our wedding date.  However, I totally believe it very much depends on the couple and their situation.  Hope you had a fab jubilee wkend too!

Post # 18
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

*sorry meant “no purchase withOUT commitment”

Post # 20
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It doesn’t really matter how you do it. Me and Fiance bought our house together 2 years before he popped the question. Our friends are getting married this year and looking to buy their first home afterwards – really doesnt matter (I have to admit I like the knowledge that after the weddings over we can come home to our house though, but I’m biased ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

Post # 21
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I thought I wanted a house first, but then I realized I don’t care where we live, as long as we’re together, and I’d rather get married first.  ๐Ÿ™‚

 

 

Post # 22
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh and yes – now the bank holidays has really put me out for this week – I feel like it’s a Monday but it’s actually Wednesday (3 day work week, yay!)

Post # 23
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Fiance and I have been living together for years and knew we were going to end up with each other. Commited without ring. I never pressured him, but knew someday he’ll do it. With house pricing being low and bank interest rates being at all time low, we didn’t want to miss our chance, so we jumped on it and purchased our first home. A month later, he proposed at our housewarming party ๐Ÿ™‚ Did not see it coming, I’d figure he’d do it next year. Eight months after proposal, got married!!! so in our case, house came first, LOL.

Proposed during our housewarming

 

Post # 25
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Walnut Beach Resort

We bought a house 4 months after we got engaged. I think the engagement really spurred us into making the decision to buy a house, as we hadn’t thought about it seriously before then. Before I had always joked that I wouldn’t buy a house with him until I had a ring though! 

Post # 26
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013
Post # 27
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I actually feel the same way you do..and i’ve been thinking about this more and more lately, because right now me and my SO rent a house together, he’s been talking about proposing to me ever since we’ve lived here (longer than that honestly) and we’ve been in this house a year and a half.. Now he’s talking more and more about buying a house escpecially because he wants to move to be a little closer to his new job. I said to myself awhile back that i think i made a mistake even living with him without a ring on my finger.. (not that i’m old fashioned or religious) but i just feel like he’s very comfortable right now and maybe doesn’t feel any rush to get engaged and maybe that would be different if we didn’t live together… so like i was saying.. i told myself i will not move in to another house with him untill there is a ring on my finger… even though i say that and i bet i won’t stick to my guns about it!!! and even though the house won’t be in both of our names.. (i’ll pay the mortage with him but he’s going to be the one putting the down payment on it because i don’t have that kind of money right now and he wants to be the one to buy it anyway thankfully)… but still…

so i guess i vote NO… i wouldnt buy a house untill i was engaged…

Post # 28
Member
16 posts
Newbee

@pop_princess:  I would never put my money into ANYTHING with someone I wasn’t married to. I have seen and heard of too many friends/other people getting screwed over when the relationship breaks up. Friends had their joint checking accounts drained of thousands of dollars – and they had no legal recourse to recoup it. They weren’t married and both names were on the account, so tough crap.

My boyfriend is planning to buy a house and I have told him I will not put ANY money toward it. I would strongly prefer to be engaged by the time we get a house. But, seeing as he drags his feet on everything – house, engagement, etc. – odds are good neither will happen…so I guess I have nothing to worry about. lololol ๐Ÿ˜€

 

Post # 29
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I asked Fiance about this and he said buy a house first but I want to get married first because home ownership get sexpensive. Our rental just had some issues and if we would have had to pay for it it would have cut into our wedding fund. I don’t want any emegencies while I’m planning my wedding, I would rather call up the landlord to fix those things. After we get married we will buy a house and not be worried if a lage portion of our money needs to go into the house.

Post # 30
Member
16 posts
Newbee

@killerQueen13:  Just my two cents: I would have a hard time putting money toward his permanent home when I get no indication that it’s mine. I think it’s different in a renting situation: you’re paying to live there for the month. With a mortgage, you’re putting money onto his long-term, possibly life-long, home.

Watched too many of my friends paint and do repairs on a home, or plop down money on a boyfriend’s mortgage. Then 6 months later, he’s broken up with them, they’ve paid a few thousand dollars on his house, and used a bunch of their own money to make improvements.

For me personally – I’d at least want an engagement and a wedding date set before I would pay a dime on a boyfriend’s mortgage. But, I understand that I can also be a bit paranoid when it comes to these things.

Post # 31
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Let’s just hope I’m engaged by that point then!.. I hear ya.. I can be paranoid too… I’d have to contribute a little living there though.. Maybe just split the gas cable ect. Bills but not the mortgage 

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