(Closed) House sharing with single female

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 121
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee

I think some of the comments here are out of order. It’s not unreasonable to feel uncomfortable with the idea of your partner spending a lot of time alone with an attractive single female, who also happens to be a complete stranger. I do understand where people are coming from when saying they trust their partners so wouldn’t worry, but at the end of the day, people cheat, a hell of a lot of people, and I’d bet most of their partners didn’t think they would either. No one is above being cheated on. To say she’s sexist or crazy for not being happy with this is uncalled for. 

Post # 122
Member
9087 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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BubblesandCupcakes :  women who condone and participate in discrimination due to sex are sexist. 

So if someone feels uncomfortable with having a black roommate for no other reason than they are black that is ok? Because the OP only feels uncomfortable having a female roommate because she is female. So which is it?

She is making characterisations of this women for no other reason than she was an attractive female. She and many others in this thread made comments that an attractive woman was not ok just because she was an attractive women and then carted out a whole heap of cliched stereotypes.

So yeah it is not ridiculous it is the truth. 

And stating it publically and then having it supported by other women is contributing to the rape culture in society. The OP (and a few others) here have basically said that an attractive woman is a temptation and would lure their man by proximity into an affair. That sends a message to men that attractive women are easy and will sleep with anyone. It also puts the blame on the woman (because a cheating arsehole is going to cheat and not because a female housemate wore her pjs). 

 

Post # 123
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

So I’m with everyone else who says you’re being unreasonable. If you trust your partner, why is this even a question?

I completely understand that you don’t want a roommate because you’re introverted; I am an introvert as well, and I would hate having someone in my home. I don’t even like it when family visits and stays over. But having an issue with her because she’s attractive, and single and might tempt your partner? That’s ridiculous. You definitely seem insecure with possible trust issues.

I would like to point out that I would have an issue with an attractive female, single or not, living in my home. My partner wouldn’t be the issue, though. I trust him completely, I know he won’t cheat, and I’d have no problem with him spending time with an attractive woman. I know how he feels about me. My problem is that I am insecure, and have body image issues. I don’t want an attractive woman in my me-space because I would compare myself to her and find myself lacking.

Also, I’d have no issue with her being alone with my partner. It’s when I am around her that I’d have problems.

I think you need to at least recognise that the problem is you’re insecure, and/or are having problems with trust. Like I said, I would have a problem but I’m willing to acknowledge my insecurity, and I know it’s unreasonable and unfounded.

Post # 124
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

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j_jaye :  If you don’t want a black lodger/roommate because they are black, then you are illegally discrimminating. No ifs or buts, prejudice against someone because of their race is always racism and always discrimmination.

Vetoing someone (who you will live with) because of their sex and your personal comfort levels is legal and acceptable for the same reason single-sex toilets and changing rooms are. Or do you think those are sexist too? I can flat out see the issue with having a “white people only” public bathroom, but “women only”? Fine. I doubt people would have got so riled up had OP said “I’m not comfortable sharing a bathroom/kitchen/lounge/etc. with another male…” but her saying she’s uncomfortable with her partner doing so with a female deems her a massive sexist?

Quit with the rape culture issue too. That’s disgusting and unfair. The only people who contribute to rape/rapists/rape culture are the people who rape and those who condone it. I am neither. I’m insecure and I wouldn’t be too happy if a young, attractive female moved into my house with my partner and I ( though I wouldn’t be happy with a male either if I’m honest) but there are plenty of people with the same insecurities/feelings/opinions who have been supject to rape and sexual abuse. (Hi there, actually!) This doesn’t mean they’re enabling rape, and neither is my local supermarket which has separate sex toilets.

Post # 125
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee

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BubblesandCupcakes :  discriminating based on sex is illegal too… race, sex, religion…

 

OP, do you financially need a roommate? I know extra $ might be nice but does it outweigh your personal comforts? I’d look at other ways to reduce monthly expenses if that’s an issue or move somewhere more affordable.

Post # 126
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

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topeonyornottopeony :  I know what discrimination is. Yes, race, sex, religion, disability, sexual orientation, etc. The list goes on. There are exceptions. They should be specified by law where you are. Generally you don’t have a claim if a women’s refuge won’t employ male staff, if a gym will only hire a female attendants to work in the female changing room, if a woman can’t join a men’s football team, or if a group of female housemates don’t want a male housemate living with them, etc.

Post # 127
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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etiennefayth :  You have every right to feel uncomfortable about it.

Post # 128
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m sorry OP, that so many people on this post are so judgmental/idealistic/unrealistic/in denial/insane. I would NEVER allow an attractive woman to move into our house either and I am not even remotely insecure or sexist (what a RIDICULOUS accusation btw), and I also completely trust my husband. The problem for me is that my husband is a straight male who is attracted to attractive females (clearly, since he married me). He is also 100% HUMAN and I am very certain that all humans make mistakes, no matter how “good” they are.

SO….why on earth would I have that which my husband is attracted to in my house on a daily basis???? Why would I allow temptation into my home? I know that I am not the only woman on the planet that my husband is/will be attracted to on a physical and emotional level. So I’d rather play it safe and leave the temptations out in the world where they are easier to ignore and not in my living room. The rest of these naive ladies can allow their husbands unlimited alone time with other women all they want. Good luck to them!

Post # 129
Member
3109 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

I wouldn’t be comfortable with it. I do trust my husband but I also know that sharing a home can develop intimate relationships, and I wouldn’t want to invite that into my marriage. I wouldn’t be comfortable with a male roommate either though.

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