Post # 1
- Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
SO and I differ a bit on what to save for after marriage…he really wants to forego a wedding and save for a house, whereas I would like to hold off on the house for 2 years and instead save for a wedding. My thinking is it’s not a race, you can buy a house later too, but you can’t really have a wedding later unless you do one of those 5 year vow renewal things, which neither of us are a fan of, and frankly I can see something like that slipping through the cracks later on when we have kids and have other things to worry about. Besides, the concept of a vow renewal doesn’t exist in either of our family’s culture anyway…so I’m sure the whole thing would just come off as showey or gift grabby or eyeroll inducing to our families and majority of our guests from out of town to fly in for).
Any thoughts? It seems from my circle of friends that most people I know are opting for the house route instead of a wedding and going the courthouse or super small wedding route instead. Which I know logically makes sense…but I’d be heartbroken to do this 🙁 Unfortunately we are both mid-20 Somethings in mid-paying industries and cannot afford to do both at the same time without substantial help from family. We are also in an LDR for the next year, which detracts from our savings goals.
PS – Before anyone asks, no we are not ‘officially’ engaged yet, but we know we want to be married next Fall and talk openly about our future plans together.
Post # 2
Where I live, house prices have gone up SIGNIFICANTLY in the last two years. If I had my time all over again, I’d go the courthouse wedding route just to have a house down payment sooner. In saying that, I’m 31 years old and feel like I’m “behind the 8 ball” with that – but many people here are having difficulty even coming up with deposits for their first house, because they are SO expensive.
Post # 3
We went for the house first (technically I did but we lived in it together before the wedding). A wedding is a one day party where the house is a long-term investment and a home.
Post # 4
Marriage is all about compromise. Both of you have to be prepared to move towards a central position on which you can both agree, for the rest of your married life on any number of issues.
You don’t have to be “heartbroken” with a smaller wedding. That can come off as being a drama queen to win the argument. Plan something you can afford for the wedding and save for a home at the same time.
Post # 5
We are doing wedding then house. We can afford both but would rather not. We wanted the wedding first and I am glad we are…most days.
But we are actually house hunting now.
We just live somewhere where it’s nearly impossible to buy. I ain’t dropping 1 million on a townhouse.
Post # 6
Five or ten years from now which choice do you think you will wish you had made?
Post # 7
I’d save for a house and just have a small, inexpensive wedding.
Post # 8
We opted to go with the house. We bought a house together and we weren’t engaged. Then we got engaged a year and a half later and had a wedding two years after that. I know we move at a glacial pace and are unconventional but it worked for us and we were able to buy a house that we will be in long term and were able to save up for our wedding during our long engagement.
This was the route that was most practical for us. And I will say that looking back I wouldn’t change any decision we made, and would probably scale back our wedding a ton. I was able to have my “dream wedding” persay but to me now only 6 months after, it seemed excessive.
Post # 9
I would go for a house, personally. Hey, you could even have a backyard wedding at your new house 😉
Post # 11
I’m in the same boat as you, OP. We are having the wedding first. I’m not sure which school district I want to buy in (our area is currently going under pretty hefty redistricting and I don’t want to get caught in the shit school district). Similarly, I’m not wanting to settle on a house. If I’m buying, it had better meet my “needs” list. We did compromise on having a smaller wedding (65 people) and are paying for it alone. we do have separate wedding and down payment interest baring savings accounts, so it’s not like we’re draining our savings to pay for a party. We’ve been together for 5+ years and have been putting money into each account (with us buckling down over the last year or so).
Post # 12
Similar to cheekie, we bought a house two years ago (had been together 1.5 years at that time) and when we decided to do that I knew it would push back getting engaged/married.
We got engaged a year after moving in and have had a long engagement (18 months) because SO wants a big wedding and we had to save since all of our prior savings went to the house… So you can have both it just may take a little longer.
The wedding will be over in a day and is more for our families. Our home is forever and was a major step of setting up our future together
Post # 13
House, hands down. A wedding is a one day party you don’t need, a home is forever.
Post # 14
I’d rather save for a house, but I’d also be fine with eloping, so it’s hard for me to conceptualize being heartbroken over not having a big wedding.
Post # 15
There’s no reason you can’t have a weddng AND save for a house. It’s just a matter of compromising on your expectations. Have a smaller or more modest wedding and continue to save for a house.
DH and I had a big expensive wedding, but we already own a house for several years before getting married. We origionally hadn’t planned on a giant wedding, we’d set a budget we could afford comfortably and started planning. My parents gifted us a large chunk of money and while we could have planned just on what they offered we decided to add it to our origional budget and have a big wedding. Had we not owned a house we would have definitely not had the big wedding and instead saved the money.
Sure you only get one day and you can’t go back and have a wedding – but I can promise you that in the moment a big wedding feels like the most important thing. It’s great memories, but after a few years it just doesn’t feel like the big priority it was at the time. I don’t know many people who regretted saving for a house instead of having a big wedding….but I know plenty of people who regret having a big wedding and not saving for a house.
One of my BFF’s insisted on having a big blowout wedding (likely because most everyone in our circle had big weddings) despite the fact they’d be financing the whole thing themselves with the help of credit cards. We all tried to talk some sense into her, advising her that maybe something smaller and starting a house fun would be smarter. She insisted on the big wedding, and you know what? Within a year she regretted it. While everyone was out buying houses they’re still in a rental and hardly able to save.