(Closed) House vs. Wedding – What to save for?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

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akshali2000 :  We bought our house right after we got engaged, before we made any wedding plans. It’s a double, so we live in the upper and rent out the lower. It’s not our forever home, and we plan to keep it as rental property. I was fine with having a low cost, intimate, immediate-family-only wedding and reception, so I didn’t feel like we sacrificed anything. I think the house was the better investment by far, and we were still able to have an amazing wedding day. 

Post # 18
Member
6718 posts
Bee Keeper

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akshali2000 :  How about scaling down the wedding instead of foregoing it completely? If you wanted 150 people, invite 75 instead? Then you can save for both. In our area housing prices skyrocketed and we need to wait to save up and for prices to go down hopefully. It takes awhile to find a place you want to buy. There’s no guarantee that there is a house you want. There’s a low supply of houses in a decent proce range here so it could be awhile for us. Keep that in mind.

Either way you should both find a solution you can both live with because if one “wins” the other will feel resentment unless there’s a fair compromise. 

Post # 19
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

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akshali2000 :  if I had to chose one over the other would definitely be a house. I wouldn’t even think about putting my investments (i.e. House) on hold for two years for a one day party.

Post # 20
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

What are your expectations? What is a ‘big’ or ‘small’ wedding to you and how much are you thinking you’d like to spend? It’s ok to want a wedding but if your fiance doesn’t want to spend a lot it’s all about compromise. You don’t have to choose between a 300 person extravaganza or a courthouse wedding. Try to figure something out in between. 

Post # 21
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

Any parental contributions? I imagine that’s how most people are able to have such lavish weddings. I would save for the house, but I understand that culturally, you’re “expected” to have a large wedding. 

Post # 22
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee

House. 

Post # 24
Member
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Like PorcelainBelle, where I live the housing market has exploded and most people are struggling to simply break into the market. DH and I bought our house 3.5 years ago (2 years before getting engaged) because we could see the way the market was going. He has just turned 26, I’m about to turn 27 – we got married last December and comfortably handled the costs on top of our mortgage (and renovations). One of my SILs is about to turn 28 and has been looking to buy a house for 2 years but keeps getting out offered or out bid – she and her SO simply cannot afford the current market, even for a crappy house that needs a tonne of work.

Like PPs have said, it’s all about compromise. Could you put off both plans for an extra year, saving for a more intimate wedding and putting the rest into your house deposit?

Post # 25
Member
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Oops double post!

Post # 26
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee

It is important to me to live within my means. As a 24 year old  (who doesn’t come from money) marrying a 25 year old in a similar position it means we have to be very careful with how we spend our money because we support ourselves and sometimes our families even financially depend on us.

That being said, we are having a wedding but we made sure to budget and DIY, shop around for vendors, and use the talents of friends and family where we could to save money and we are having a pretty nice wedding at a nice venue (a state owned mansion) for around 10k (100 guests). And we are simultaneously saving for the down payment for a house.

I knew that if we couldn’t keep saving for a house then we were spending too much money on a wedding and we would be trying to live outside of our means and for what? Weddings are a chance to publicly declare your love for each other before the people who love you most. And that doesn’t need to be expensive at all if you don’t want it to be.

You can still have a beautiful day and have savings to help you have a great start to your marriage. I understand wanting a wedding but I don’t think there’s ever a reason to break the bank for one. 

Post # 27
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

We ve saved for both simultaneously, we agreed on dates we wanted to be married by and afterwards have a house by then figured out how much could be saved each month then stuck to our wedding budget exactly.

A small wedding is still going to give us great memories even happier ones because I know we won’t have wasted any money on it.

Post # 28
Member
723 posts
Busy bee

We saved for the house first. It will depend where you live but we couldn’t just get the house later, we live in London where house prices are astronomical and increase a lot each year. If we paid for the wedding first then in two years time we’d need 40% more for a deposit than we do this year, however the year on year wedding price increases are marginal.

I was like you and wanted the wedding first but it just didn’t make sense. We decided to save like crazy for a deposit and get engaged once we had built up that money so during the engagement we were house hunting but only saving for the wedding. I didn’t want to still be saving money for a house while engaged.

Post # 29
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I will probably go against the majority because of my situation I prefer the wedding first. My SO wants to buy a home first however. But a down payment for a home will take longer for us to save than for our wedding. Also we have our own business which w both just started this year and here in italy you should have your new tax codes for atleast 18 months before even asking to buy a home. So that means we would wait 18 months Ad well that time to save all the money  then get the bank to approve. Then we must make a final decision to where we want to buy… not even sure if we will stay in our current city forever. Then find a house then move into it, which usually takes another 6 months. So we are talking over two years for this process. THEN save and plan for a wedding which is international guests so not just simple local thing. I’d say we would need a minimum 12 months  for that. So we are at a minimum of 3 years we would need to wait to get married. We both believe we should be married before having a child together IF we choose to have one ( we already have my 7 year old daughter from my first marriage). Now the thing that makes the time restraint for us is that we are already 38 years old. I presonally do not want to be 41 when we get married and not 42/43 when I have a baby. So my argument to him is wedding next year and eve for a house there after. If a baby comes in between that doesn’t stop the house buying process at all. 

Post # 30
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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akshali2000 :  oh boy, I wasn’t expecting you to say small is 300+ haha. I guess if I think of a typical Indian wedding they are shown to be pretty massive. What is small/normal to your SO? 

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