(Closed) Housewife/Stay at home mom with a college degree…. What's your take?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Would you be willing to become a housewife after earning a degree?
    I would not mind at all! : (502 votes)
    56 %
    I would rather die! : (140 votes)
    16 %
    I would do it if it was necessary : (254 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    240 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think a woman should do what she wants, regardless of her educational background. Just because you have a degree doesn’t mean you HAVE to work in that field. 

    That said, I know a girl who went to a top university, graduated – then married a lawyer and became a stay-at-home wife (no kids). All she does all day is post on FB about the expensive cafes she goes to, or the new credit card her husband got her. She really revels in the kept woman lifestyle. Her entire identity is now dependent on the fact that she married a rich man (who, by the way, is a total douche, but that’s another story).

    So I guess it depends on what your reasons are. I have an MA from a prestigious university, but if I end up staying at home to raise my children for a few years, I’m not going to consider my education wasted. I feel a personal sense of achievement from earning the degree per se, and I’m sure my education will help me better educate my children.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3316 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I went with the “rather die” alternative.  First off, I worked really hard for my degrees, and would be devastated if I had not been able to have a career in the field I worked so hard to get into.  And second, I had a mother who stayed with an alcoholic husband who molested my sister and me, and I have always wondered whether it was at least in part because she didn’t have the skills to support herself.  I would never want to be ain a position in which I had to stay with my spouse, no matter what he did to me or the children, because I simply couldn’t afford to leave.

    Post # 5
    Member
    8695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I want my own money and I also feel like I worked hard for my degrees and for the good job that I have. I voted that I would only if it were necessary but I dont see how it would be necessary.

    Post # 6
    Member
    690 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’m a house wife.

    I’m 20 years old and in my last semester of my double major. I’m one of the youngest people to graduate in my school because I took on extra course load each semester and went for 3 semesters a year instead of 2. Ive been on the deans list every year since I started school.

    But I won’t be doing anything with my degree. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    8695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @faeriehazel:  a girl on my FB does the same. She got her bachelor’s degree and then stopped bc she married a man who owns a private jet company. All her posts are pictures of her new lifestyle. Every day it’s Hermes bags, Loubs, trips all over, her 2 yr old is in fur coats, etc. I guess if I were her I wouldnt work but I dont know I would have to figure out

    something to do.

    Post # 8
    Member
    102 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    It depends. I definitely think there’s no shame in staying at home with your kids if that’s an option for you. I strongly believe that women’s liberation is all about having the choice and not being forced to fit into a certain role. I would love for either my fiance or I to stay at home with our kids (if we have them), at least part time, but that will depend on fiances. Honestly, I couldn’t stand just not working like some of the friends previous posters have mentioned. I would have to be taking care of kids, or working part-time or something, or else I think I would go crazy.

    Post # 9
    Member
    240 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @2dBride:  Yes, I think the key is that should never be in a position where your entire life depends on your husband. Even if he is the most wonderful man in the world and you’d never want to leave him, shit happens. If something were to happen to my Fiance (knocks furiously on wood) I would never want to be in the position of being helpless, especially if I had kids.

     

    @gelaine22:  haha, yeah, if my Fiance was rich I’d be enjoying the high life, but I still think I’d do some kind of work. Being idle for more than a few months would have me climbing up the walls at some point.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1292 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I do not have children yet but I had to give up my career to follow my fiance’s dream. At the time it was okay because being a nurse is super stressful and I welcomed the stress free lifestyle. However,  it’s been about 18 months and about 8 months ago I started to REALLY miss it and regret my decision. Nursing school was really hard.. I worked SO hard to become a nurse…. and I’m sad I don’t get to use my knowledge because I’m definitely losing it without being in the hospital!

    My sister is also a nurse and although she is an RN she has never worked a day as a nurse in her life! She is a mother of 2 and a true housewife and she is okay with that.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1304 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    There is almost no one in my social circle without a bachelors degree.  Given the way I raised, college was completely expected and not really viewed as optional.  So, I don’t really view the issue as connected.

    That being said, at 35 I am really tired of the grind but earn too much to consider quitting.  Part time work doesn’t really exist in my field.  I earned and paid for my masters degree and would not want to throw that away.  And I have a pretty independent personality and would not want to give up my ability to support myself.

    In summary: I need to win the lottery!

    Post # 12
    Member
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I think here’s a lot of pride and dignity in working and using your degree, but not everyone values that. Personally, I worked hard to finish school and I’ve worked hard to continue to grow in my career, so I’m not going to give that up. It would take multi-millions to get me to stay home.

    Post # 13
    Member
    8695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Ellegee:  I totally agree with this. I would only consider it if my Fiance or Darling Husband was making millions. If not then I will continue to work!

    Post # 14
    Member
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I think every woman can make up her own mind on this topic and what works for her.  In my own case I have a degree… and in the 20+ years that I had kiddies at home, I did a variety of things career wise, mostly dictated by WHERE they were at (in their individual development), and whatever FACTORS come into play in your own life (Career or Marriage)

    I have found having been-there-done-that there isn’t a one size fits all solution.

    In my case, I tried to be home with them when they were first born for several months (mind you Canada has a great Maternity Leave program).  Then if things went well… I’d go back to work full time thru their toddler, pre-school and elementary years (with the occasional situation where a child might need me for a period of time if they had an ongoing health issue, or situation where they weren’t getting along in a particular period of adjustment… nursery school / particular grade with a Teacher or Peers etc)

    As much as I loved to work… I ALWAYS PUT MY KIDS FIRST !!

    Sure it meant sacrifices… but work is a 40+ year endeavour… with kids you only get one kick at the can… and it is the fastest moving 20 years in your whole life !!

    And by the time they were in Middle School / High School I was far enough along in my career to be working freelance and either setting my own work schedule / contracts… or doing most of my work from home.  It is this period of time I consider myself to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, because quite honestly, I saw that as my primary focus.

    I believe that my personalized plan where I was home more in the later years than the younger years was a better plan for our family all around.  Especially in the Pre-Teen and Early Teen Years when they are so imperssionable / Peer driven.  My kids weren’t angels, they certainly had their issues, but being home most of the time, meant I was ontop of what was going on with them (in the years, when they don’t talk so much).  My knowing what was going on, meant I didn’t have the wool pulled over my eyes… and I wasn’t wearing self imposed blinders either.  My knowing meant, that I was proactive, and involved to keep them out of harm’s way… or to help them understand what were and were not good choices that they were faced with (other peers were making).  Lol, kids are funny at this age, when they do talk, if you listen you can learn a lot of things…

    Anyhow, no regrets.  I did the best job I could with my kids with the skills and knowledge I had at the time.

    I also kept my work skills up to date, and was involved in Professional Associations etc so I was always in the loop with new developments, and my name never faded from anyone’s mind.

    Hope this helps someone,

    EDIT TO ADD – I also have women in my immediate circle who are full time SAHMs, and have well off Hubbys (the ladies mostly worked for awhile then somewhere around 35 to 40 got sick of the grind… having a fulltime job, kids and family responsibilities… especially older parents… at some point becomes exhausting… you can only go so many years on 5 or 6 hours sleep, before you are on the road to being a walking zombie… statistically that is what they say, most Working Moms get… 5 Hours a Night).  Anyhow, almost none of these well educated women are doing nothing… most of them are very busy with their volunteer positions within the community.  Be that doing stuff for their kids (Sports / Clubs etc)… or some other worthwhile endeavor (community service / local politics etc).  None of them are truly stagnent just because they are a Stay-At-Home Mom or not working full-time… they are indeed using their Post Secondary Education (ability to think on their feet)… just in other ways… ways most of them seem to find very rewarding… maybe even more so that the 9-5 “pigeon hole” jobs that they left.

    Sometimes being appreciated for what you know and can do, can be oodles more rewarding than a pay cheque, and struggling to stay firmly on the corporate ladder at work.

    Post # 15
    Member
    438 posts
    Helper bee

    I think it’s really up to the person, be that male or female! If I had a the option when I have children that I could stay at home because we could afford that then I probably would for the first few years, however I would eventually like to go back to work.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I will consider staying home with my children for their first few years, but my job is such that hopefully I can continue to consult from home once I have kids. While I won’t judge other people for their choices, I’m not sure that I could be a housewife sans children because I would just go completely stir-crazy and get so bored! I am doing a single consulting job leading up to the wedding that is like five hours a week and I think part of why I am getting so crazy about wedding planning is that I just need something to DO. I think with kids that’s probably mitigated somewhat because especially when they are young there’s so much you have to do to care for them.

    My mom was a Stay-At-Home Mom mostly but worked on the weekends and did work from home for the same company during the hours we were in school (not like all day, but maybe 10 hours a week). When she stopped working she struggled for a while finding stuff to do and now basically volunteers almost full time for and is on the board of a local nonprofit organization in line with her interests and degrees. So she’s not getting paid but she’s definitely contributing to the world in a positive way and having fun while doing so.

     

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