(Closed) Housewife/Stay at home mom with a college degree…. What's your take?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Would you be willing to become a housewife after earning a degree?

    I would not mind at all!

    I would rather die!

    I would do it if it was necessary

  • Post # 227
    Member
    527 posts
    Busy bee

    I have two masters plus professional qualifications that I studied for (3yrs whilst working). I have a good job, not that I particularly enjoy it, tho it pays well. I’d give it up to be a Stay-At-Home Mom in a heartbeat if I cld afford it… have been ttc since Jan, but don’t think I’ll be able to give up work post baby (if i do get KU).

     

    Education gives you options. My mother always told me I should retain some independence, and be able to financially support myself. It’s good to have skills/ qualificationa to fall back on – you never know what life will throw at you!

    Post # 228
    Member
    4605 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I voted that I would rather die. I didn’t put all this time and money into my degree to just stay at home. I want my BS in Biology and I’ll probably keep going after that. My mom’s got a friend that took out $50,000 in loans (in the 80’s) to go to school. She got pregnant her last semester and she’s never used her degree. I would be pissed paying back $50K that, in my opinion, was wasted. 

    I don’t plan on having any kids and I just couldn’t imagine staying at home all the time. I like having my own money and my own independence. 

    Post # 229
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee

    I would rather die.

    I respect a woman’s right to choose what she wants to do with her life, but I don’t think that means you can’t also disapprove. Unless a woman has children or does a lot of charity work or studies, I would not be able to respect a housewife. Otherwise I’d consider them lazy and boring. I can’t imagine an interesting human being who would be content without some kind of project (raising kids, studying, charity work) to work on, and I don’t count shopping, socialising or keeping your house clean as a project.

    And unless the woman has plenty of savings in her own right, I would think her idiotic to live on her husband’s money. Especially since most of the housewives I’ve encountered aren’t married to men wealthy enough to support them with alimony.

    Post # 230
    Member
    398 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I can’t wait to be a stay at home mom and I have two degrees. I never attended daycare once in my life, and I want my child to be lucky enough to have the same experience! 

    Post # 231
    Member
    2965 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I voted for “I would rather die!” but thats not entirely true. Currently not by choice I am a Stay-At-Home Wife but we have 3 young children, one who has a disability and he requires so much care. It saddens me that I can’t obtain the dream that I want (working career wife and mother) but that will have to wait because right now, I have to do what is necessary and that is put the needs of my family first.

    Post # 232
    Member
    2622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I have one rule in life. 

    Always be able to support yourself.  And being a traditional Stay-At-Home Mom doesnt allow me to do that.

    Life is to unpredictable and I have seen too many people get caught by it and end up struggling horribly for years, destitute, miserable etc because they put too much trust in someone else to take care of them.  My mom included. If she hadnt been able to not only keep her job but grow professionally I could only imagine where I would be now.

    Your SO could divorce you, die, lose all of your retirement in a Madoff like scheme, bad economy, get an addiction, have an identity stolen etc. Then where will you be? 20 years out of the workforce and kids to support with no ability to do so.  It is NOT easy to “just go back to work”, at least at a living wage to support you in the way you likely had become accustomed to.

    Post # 233
    Member
    678 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    View original reply
    @AmyJCardiff:  

    +100 I think women who do nothing with their lives except have children and get married are boring and not very bright. This has been my personal experience.

    Post # 234
    Member
    611 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’m a stay at home wife or will be!

    I graduated with BS. In physiology and neuroscience with minors in computer science, music, and psychology!

    I plan to pursue dental school in the very near future and even then when I start my own practice, this career will let me be the stay at home mom (for the most part). You can definitely have a career and still be a stay at home mom/house wife and possibly (in my case) bring home more bacon than your SO!

    Post # 235
    Member
    3376 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Wow – I’m shocked by how many people are basically saying that raising children is unimportant, boring, and a waste of intelligence.  I hope these people don’t plan to have children!  Because, you know, even if you work, you still spend a lot of time and energy on raising your children (or, at least, you should).  I’d think having accomplished, intelligent people raising children would be a good thing – isn’t this something you’d look for in a nanny or day-care person?

    I will soon be finishing my doctoral degree, and I plan to delay my career for at least 5 years while I stay home with babies.  I do plan to work once they start school (and will actually likely work from home during that time to help pay off student loans), but I don’t see these years as “wasted time” – I can’t place any value on the time I’ll have with my children during their early years.  I don’t judge people who work full time – staying at home isn’t for everyone (and isn’t possible for everyone) – so it really grates on me when people judge the choice I’m making.

    Post # 236
    Member
    845 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I would consider myself lucky to be able to spend the first three years with my hypothetical kid, to give the kid a good start and not have to pay huge amounts of cash to have the child in an educare centre. After those years though, I’d go back to work or work part time – whatever, as long as my brain is active and my purse isn’t a habitat for moths.

    Post # 237
    Member
    1138 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    A degree is a sunk cost–I think decisions should be based on the future, not the past. 

    Post # 238
    Member
    4369 posts
    Honey bee

    I think women who criticize how other people split their home and work lives are really insecure and mostly unhappy about their own lives. That is my personal experience.

    Post # 239
    Member
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    View original reply
    @abricot_chat:  thanks for sharing that article. 

    I picked the i’d rather die option. And I may be in a similar situation to this article soon.  I moved 400 miles from my now fiancé 2 years ago when we had been dating for 1 year. I received that “too good to refuse” job offer and had not made up my mind about where our relationship was going. he makes about half of what I do and we are ok with that. He is selling his house and moving to where I am so that we can be together. He will move here without a job. He has worked for the same company for over 20 years (he is 43 and I am 40).  He hates his job and has never had a break. I have switched employers every 3 years taking a month off each time. when he gets here, he will not work for an agreed upon period of time Before going back to some sort of employment, even if it is part time. But for that time, I will be the financial provider. At our ages we don’t think kids are in the cards; however, we have agreed that if we do have a child/adopt, he will stay home. I have no desire to stay home. He does. In my eyes this does not negatively impact how I view my FH. In fact, I apprecuate and love him more because he is willing to do what we need to do to make our relationship/family work and he is willing to adapt to accommodate what is important to me. 

    I believe everyone should do what is right fir them individually and for their family. And I certainly wish we woukd all stop judging each other for living a lifestyle that doesn’t impact or hurt anyone else. 

    Post # 240
    Member
    481 posts
    Helper bee

    Who are we to judge, really? I respect all women except the ones who refuse to offer the same decency to others.

    Post # 241
    Member
    2223 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    View original reply
    @SadieBee:  +1!!

    I’m so surprised by the level of judgement flying around on this thread. I will be graduating from law school next semester and will most likely be a Stay-At-Home Mom for the next couple of years, to be with my kids while they’re young. I don’t consider my 8 years of post-secondary education a waste – I will have 2 degrees under my belt and will write the bar when my family is older.

    Many of you talk about careers and being a Stay-At-Home Mom as being mutually exclusive life choices… They are not; a mother with a degree has much more flexibility to renenter the workforce than one that stayed home and doesn’t have any formal education.

    Either way it’s a matter of priorities; I would rather sacrifice income now & enjoy my time with my kids. There is no RIGHT and WRONG choice here.

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