Housewife/Stay at home mom with a college degree…. What's your take?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Would you be willing to become a housewife after earning a degree?
    I would not mind at all! : (503 votes)
    56 %
    I would rather die! : (140 votes)
    16 %
    I would do it if it was necessary : (254 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 257
    Member
    305 posts
    Helper bee

    @thejucheidea:  It’s just my opinion. Working mothers miss out on so many things. You can always have a career again when your children get older…you can’t get their childhood back. I’m married to a doctor. He’s never home. If I worked AND he worked, our future children would never have anyone to watch their school plays, help them with their homework, etc. I just believe that one parent needs to make raising the children their priority. (Doesn’t necessarily have to be the mother though.) Also, I don’t mean this in an ugly way, but there is ALWAYS someone else that can fill your shoes career wise…but you’re the only person who can be a parent to your children. 

    Post # 258
    Member
    103 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    …So you pay thousand of $$$ for a degree you will never use just to say you have one, going to school knowing you will never use it.

     

    That sounds dumb to me. I can understand trade school or community college because god forbid you get a divorce and you never got an education so your stuck, but to get a bachelors or masters and not have any work experience behind it???

     

    Thats just my opinion. I couldn’t do it. I am going to school to be a dentist and I worked too hard to just stay home with my daughter all day everyday. Even my daughter has a job lol. The good thing about dentistry is its a 9-4 Mon-Thurs type of job so I will be home a lot.

    ETA: Thats just my opinion. Big ups to those mom’s who have the full time position of Stay-At-Home Mom. Your degree is your business.

    Post # 259
    Member
    1344 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

    @lucyv2003:  In my field, if you’re gone for even a few weeks, new treatments are approved by the FDA for clinical use and you can easily get far behind. Leaving for eighteen years would mean that I would be hopelessly behind. Also, in order to renew my nursing license every three years, I have to have a certain number of hours of work. If I were to leave nursing for eighteen years, I’d have to sit boards again, and if I sat boards again after such a long time out of both nursing and nursing school, I would very likely fail because of how fast the specialty progresses.

    It may work for other career fields, but it would be a poor decision for a nurse in an extremely fluid field like research to not work for a huge number of years.

    Also, my mother was stay at home and my dad worked, and I can tell you without a single doubt in my entire mind that my dad was a better parent to my sister and myself than my mother ever was. He was home in the evenings; he never missed a swim meet, school play, choir concert, Artists’ Guild performance, voice recital or piano recital; he was off most weekends. He owned his own business and was busy, but he ALWAYS had time for us. ALWAYS. Saying that people are incapable of maintaining two different worlds and doing swimmingly in both is insulting to those of us who are actively choosing to work and have families.

    Post # 260
    Member
    103 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @thejucheidea:  +1 That’s what I was trying to say.

    Why waste time on a career that you will never use and once you actually need to use it you cannot. Sounds a little crazy to me imho.

    Post # 261
    Member
    5374 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I didn’t go to school to get a job – I went because I love to learn and wanted to expand my knowledge. I have my BAH degree in gender studies and am in school for an additional year to get a university certificate in counselling women. I chose those things, because I love them. I know most people don’t go to school with my same view.

    I really hope to be a Stay-At-Home Mom and I don’t think it’s a waste of my degree. My degree reduces the liklihood that my Fiance and I will get divorced, it will show my kids that I’m formally educated (and hopefully they will be proud of me), and will hopefully encourage them to love learning and pursue post-secondary education.

    I think it’s okay to learn for the sake of learning and not specifically for a job (: My degree will never be a waste, because I don’t believe that the only thing it’s good for is for work.

     

    Post # 262
    Member
    5374 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @brownfam11:  I see where you’re coming from, but you have to remember that not everyone’s main goal is to go to school for their future career. I went to school, because I love learning and wanted that experience/challenge. My (bachelor’s with honours) degree will never be a waste, because I don’t believe that the only thing it’s good for is for work.

    Post # 263
    Member
    1285 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I went to school for a job. I always assumed I would be a working mom. I worked my butt off in my field and now hold a job I love which pays me well. That said, my Darling Husband also has a job that pays considerably more and allows us the option to be finacially fine if we choose to pay for childcare or if I choose to stay at home for a few years.

    After much consideration, my choice is to stay at home for a few years, until the kids are in school. We both recognize and consider simply having the choice a luxury and are greatful for it. The plan is that I re-enter the work force when the children are in school. Being a Stay-At-Home Mom isn’t sitting on my butt or taking time off. It is a giant sacrifice and a crap ton of work to both raise children and stay on top of my profession so I can re-enter when my family is ready for me to.

    I think we are all making decisions that are best for our families. The arguement that being a Stay-At-Home Mom is wasting a degree is as stupid as the arguement that being a working mom is letting someone else raise your kids. As evidence by the responses to this question, there are many women who need to work for their sanity and many women who would prefer and would kick a$$ as a Stay-At-Home Mom but need to work to support their family. Why does it have to be so black and white, can’t we all just accept that each of us is doing the best we can without the judgement?

    Post # 264
    Member
    103 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @sugarpea:  I understand exactly where you are coming from. I love learning too. I actually enjoy going to campus and the atmosphere. I never looked at it like that.

    Post # 265
    Member
    2664 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

    @amoret11:  I’m not necessarily earning a degree to get a job and have a career. That’d be nice, and I plan on doing that before I have kids (if I have kids at all), but that’s not the sole reason for me doing it. I’m getting a degree for me — to have that experience, and that knowledge, and to know that it’ll always be there if I ever need it. I really love what I’m studying, so I’m enjoying the whole process of getting the degree. If I’m at a point where I could be a stay-at-home mom and still be able to financially afford the lifestyle we’re comfortable with, then I absolutely would. I don’t think it’s a waste of a degree — you still got the knowledge from it. 

     

    I’d rather get my degree now when I’m young and childless when it’s easier, and know that I’ll have it for after I (potentially) have kids, then have to worry about trying to go back to school as a 40-something year old woman and then build experiece after that. Fuck that. 

    Post # 266
    Member
    2664 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

    @brownfam11:  You can have a degree, get work experiece (i.e. work for a few years, maybe even 5, 10, etc.) and then go off and have kids. Not everyone gets a degree for the job/money. 

    Post # 267
    Member
    2664 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

    @lucyv2003:  I disagree. My dad was a great father, and he worked 3 jobs at one point. 

    Post # 268
    Member
    2787 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @lucyv2003:  My mom was a working mom and she never missed out on any of our extracurricular activities, plays, sports, etc. Those activities were usually in the evenings or weekends. Both of my parents jobs afforded my brothers and I a great childhood, private schools, tutors, tons of extracurriculars, trips, etc. I loved my upbringing and I’m really grateful to my parents and how hard they worked to provide for us .

    I don’t see anything wrong with being a Stay-At-Home Mom (degree or no degree), whatever works for their family, it’s not my family and I have no right to judge. There is no need for working moms and Stay-At-Home Mom to judge each others. Stating that working moms are missing out on their children’s lives is very condescending, every couple has to decide what works for them.

     

    Post # 269
    Member
    1867 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I have a BS with a minor degree, as well as a Master’s. I am not working in the field of either of my degrees. Once I get married and relocate to a new city, I will look for work related to my field of study. Once we have a child(ren), I will become a Stay-At-Home Mom. I am not sure if I would want to return to work once the kids are all in school because I want to be able to still take care of the household, be home before the kids get home, help them with homework without being exhausted, cook dinner and have everyone sit at the table and eat together as a family, etc. Especially since my fiancé will be the bread winner of the family. I’d prefer him to concentrate on advancement in his career for the sake of our family, while I’ll take on the children/household parts. 

    If I decide I want to go back to work after kids are in school, I would probably just do part-time. 

    Post # 270
    Member
    102 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I have a college degree and I’m a nanny. There are people that like working with kids even though they could get a higher paying job. When I have kids I will definitely stay home with them. Those first few years are soooo important for emotional and cognitive devlopment. If you can’t/don’t want to stay home quality care is key.  I dont’ think I’d stay home with them once they reached school age, but a few years at home with them when they are young sounds fantastic.

     

    Post # 271
    Member
    1065 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @amoret11:  I think if you have a BA and stay at home it’s not a big deal since a BA isn’t that difficult to get (not including socioeconomic barriers).

    However, if you have a graduate degree or higher and do not  plan on working, I think you’ve wasted your money *and* you took a spot from someone who could have used that degree.

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