(Closed) Housewives Without Kids SPIN OFF

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’ve been an on/off again Stay-At-Home Wife since Fiance and I met, mainly due to me having unstable employement. Our plan has always been for me to be a PART-TIME Stay-At-Home Wife so I’ve been bouncing in/out of jobs trying to find something that paid enough and fit into our schedule/lifestyle. I have one now and things are going well. We plan to have kids and although I’ll take my mat leave, I’ll return to work, but probably less hours – maybe 4 instead of the current 5 I’m working.

Where did you meet your friends? I’ve had the same group of friends for years, but lately I’ve decided I’m ready to meet new ones more in tune with my immediate and future lifestyle. I’m pretty active and play a lot of sports so most of my socialization comes from there. The rest occurs during events: birthdays, NYE, etc. I’ll most likely meet any future friends this way or when I’m out doing my thing: nails, hair, grocery shopping, etc.

How often do you see them? 2-3 times per week at our scheduled team games, but rarely do I socialize during the week, unless it’s to meet up early with a specific person to hit up the mall or whatever. Once a month or so an event pops up. I’ve been meaning to put more effort into this, but I”m too focused on work, the wedding planning and losing weight. 

Does your lack of a job ever cause tensions in friendships? A couple of my friends are real go getters and career oriented, but more or less unsuccessful so they’ve been a bit jealous that I have more or equal to them and work 1/4 of the time. A few have been unsupportive with my wish to be a part-time Stay-At-Home Wife, but others have been behind me.

Also how do you handle finances with your partner? 70:30. I pick up one big bill and a few random little ones, but I buy the majority of the stuff for the house. Due to this split, I tend to always have enough money for the things that I want so I’m rarely left asking for a wife allowance although it has happened, haha.

How do you do gifts for each other? I surprise my Fiance, but that’s because I’m a good gift giver. He doesn’t think of himself much whereas he knows exactly what I want because I already have it in the Amazon cart or on hold at the store. I’m easy to shop for. I hate surprises. 

What about your own spending money, how is that determined? I set a casual budget that Fiance “listens” too simply because I’m better at saving than he is, but we’re  each free to spend as we please. Unless it’s on food! I get very angry if he buys lunch because he was too lazy to make his own. I just see it as a waste of money when we have a full fridge.

Finally, how does your being a Stay-At-Home Wife impact your relationship? It’s the foundation of our relationship, really. We have problems when I end up working too much, due to someone quitting, a change in schedule, etc. He’s happy when I’m happy and I’m happy working part-time.

Do you feel you’re required to do a certain amount of housework? Absolutely. I’m always disgusted with Stay-At-Home Wife who don’t cook/clean. What’s the point of your existence? Your body better be a ten and you9 better look like a model when he comes home or you’re good for nothing.

Does your partner do housework? Yes. He does laundry (clothes – I do linens and towels) on Saturdays while I get ready. Saturday afternoon from 10 AM – 2 PM is MY time to put myself together. He also washes the floors and does dishes most nights, but I rarely leave any as I clean up while I cook so he’s left with literally 2 plates and 2 forks, lol. I don’t leave pots and what not.

Do you ever get under each other’s feet because you’re home so much? I havea lot of quiet hobbies (reading, OCD style cleaning, forums, nails and other beauty things) whereas he doesn’t so he can annoy me because I feel like I’m left to entertain him when I want to lock myself in my room and get my girl time one. But this is another reason I work part-time – I get my quiet time this way.

 

Post # 17
Member
2348 posts
Buzzing bee

valintine:  I work from home part-time (freelance copywriter) and we don’t have kids so I feel like I sort of half qualify since I don’t work outside the home. I usually put in about 3-5 hours of work a day (5 days a week) to give you an idea of how much I work.  

Specifically I’d like to know how you socialise, where did you meet your friends? Many of my friends are from college or high school. I recently made a few new friends who are roommates of one of my long time high school friends. I’m pretty introverted so I’m happy as long as I have a couple of fun friend outings a month. 

How often do you see them? All of my other friends work full time and as I said I’m pretty introverted. We love entertaining so we host parties and I grab lunch/go out with my friends maybe twice a month. My social needs are pretty low so it works for me. 

Does your lack of a job ever cause tensions in friendships? I guess this doesn’t apply to me since I do work part time. My friends are pretty chill and if they care they’ve never said anything. 

Also how do you handle finances with your partner? We’re married and we have everything joint. He makes about 3 times what I make but we’re both super frugal and treat all money as “our” money. 

How do you do gifts for each other? I often buy his gifts through my amazon account so he can’t see what it is the bill just says “amazon” or I use cash. I don’t check his credit card statements so he buys me gifts that way. 

What about your own spending money, how is that determined? We’re both frugal/cheap so we’re lucky in that we have very similar approaches to spending money. As long as we hit our monthly savings goals (we do once a month updates on our finances via email) we don’t worry about who spent what. 

Finally, how does your being a Stay-At-Home Wife impact your relationship? It’s amazing. I’m so much happier and he’s told me he’s happier too. I always have dinner ready for him (because I want to, not because I have to- he’d be fine with a sandwich), I pack his lunches, and my schedule is flexible. If he unexpectedly gets time off I can spend it with him. I can also take care of myself better. I work out almost every day, I make an effort with my appearance, I meditate. He told me the other night that no matter how tired he is or how bad his day has been he always feels better when he comes home. Every day I make an effort to make our home comfortable, relaxing, and beautiful. 

Do you feel you’re required to do a certain amount of housework? Eh, not required so much as I have the time and I’m naturally pretty domestic. I mean, even when I was in college and like 19 years old I’d make elaborate homemade dinners for me and my roommates, lol I was pretty popular. Darling Husband often works 12 hour days so it seems kind of insane for me to sit at home and ignore dishes or not make the bed. I want him to feel calm and happy when he comes home and get the chance to relax. 

Does your partner do housework? Yes. He’s actually a way better and faster cleaner than I am. He does all of the laundry (and we have to use a laundromat so that sucks), he also does all of the deep cleaning like mopping the floors and cleaning the bathroom (he does all that once a week). I do the day to day stuff and everything food related. He does outdoor things too and he picks stuff up when the weather is bad (we live in NYC and don’t have a car so if it’s icy he picks up groceries for me). 

Do you ever get under each other’s feet because you’re home so much? Nope, and we live in a 475 square foot apartment. If we both worked at home in this space it might be tight but we used to live and work together at a restaurant and that was fine too. I get out of the house a lot too.

Here’s my average weekday to give you an idea: 

10:30 – wake up, get dressed in workout gear, make breakfast and eat (tv blaring in the background)

11:00 – work out (usually in the park) 

12:30 – get home & shower, dress, fix hair & makeup

1:00 – start writing work (i do it in parts) 

2:30 – go to the grocery store and run other errands

3:30 – come home and do more writing work 

5:30 – 6:30 –  prepare dinner, pack DH’s lunches for the next day, and finish writing work if I still have any (i do multiple things at the same time, i’m kinda ADD) 

6:30 – 7:00– clean up the apartment, light candles, set table, put something he likes on tv, etc.  

7:00 – 8:00 DH comes home and we have dinner and talk.

8:00- bed time – Darling Husband is in school and working full time so most nights he has homework and I just do my own thing, but when he doesn’t have homework we watch a movie or go out. Can’t wait until he graduates this spring and we can chill out together more!   

 

 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  swonderful.
Post # 18
Member
436 posts
Helper bee

valintine:  Let me preface this by apologizing for any gramatical errors, I am writing this in bed, in the dark on a new laptop.

 This is an interesting topic, thanks for posting about it… I am learning how to settle into Stay-At-Home Wife life now.  I am currently a Fiance and we will be married in 7 months (ish), but I havn’t really worked since we have been together, a little over 2 years.  Let me see if I can answer some of these questions for you-

 

Specifically I’d like to know how you socialise, where did you meet your friends? 

I socialize a ton! If I didn’t I might slowly become even more if a crazy cat lady than I already am.  A good portion of my friends came from the places that I used to work, and we have just kept in touch.  I love to trail run in the mountians, so I have a small group of friends that do that with me about 4 times a week.  The other friends that are not as active, we just make lunch plans and happy hours together.  

 

How often do you see them?

I see my friends probably 4+ times a week depending on their schedules.

 

Does your lack of a job ever cause tensions in friendships?

Yes, it does with some.  Some of my friends are super supportive and don’t look at me any differently, but there are a few who are openly jealous.  I just try not to talk about it and not ever sound braggy.  

 

Also how do you handle finances with your partner?

Due to him being the source of income, he pays for everything but I manage the bills and make sure that everything is paid for on time.  

 

How do you do gifts for each other?

The Fiance and I don’t really do gifts, we are more about experiences together.  We do a lot of traveling so our gifts to eachother are usually just a shared moment (hope that makes sense).

 

What about your own spending money, how is that determined?

Spending money is still relatively uncharted territory for me, I feel like since he is the main source of income, I can’t really say anything about what he purchases but when I purchase something, I try not to go overboard.  He doesn’t give me an allowence, I have open access to all money.  

 

Finally, how does your being a Stay-At-Home Wife impact your relationship?

He loves that I am a Stay-At-Home Wife, he loves coming home and dinner being ready and a friendly face to greet him.  I think we both like the “50’s housewife” ideals.  

 

Do you feel you’re required to do a certain amount of housework?

I am required to maintain our household, but that is something that I was happy to do in return for being a Stay-At-Home Wife.  I make sure that he always has any clean item of clothing that he may need, the dishes are always done, his bathroom is picked up every day, he never has to clean cat poop, and the bed is always made.  I also take care of household errands like grocery shopping and trips to Target.  He works so hard to provide me with an amazing life that I want to make his as easy as possible when he is home.  

 

 

Does your partner do housework?

Nope, thats what I am here for, and I wont ask him to.  With the exception of manly things like heavy lifting and hard to reach lightbulb changes. 

 

Do you ever get under each other’s feet because you’re home so much?

Nope, I try to maintain a good balance of together time and personal time.  We are very open about irritations and if we feel that we may be getting close to being irritated, we give eachother the needed space.  

Post # 19
Member
382 posts
Helper bee

I am sort of a Stay-At-Home Wife. I am currently in grad school, not working and spending most of my time at home studying/doing homework. Anyway, I’ll try answering your questions hoping to give you a new perspective -even if I am honly half-SAHW.

How you socialise?

I am more of an introvert, so I don’t usually socialize unless I really feel like I need to. On those cases, I usually meet up with fellow classmates to study/work/chat.

Where did you meet your friends?

Some of my friends are back from collegue. We keep in touch by social networking (I moved out of my hometown). I have some new friends that I met in grad school. I also enrolled in some art classes to get to know more people, though, I wouldn’t really call them my friends, more like acquaintances.

 

How often do you see them?

Collegue buddies, once or twice a year. Grad friends, two or more times per week (depending on how much support do we need from each other, hehe). Acquaintances, once a week.

 

Does your lack of a job ever cause tensions in friendships?

With my collegue friends, yes it does. They usually act akward around the fact that I can make my own schedule, I have more time available for vacations (summer/winter), and that I am my own boss (in a sense). They never say anything, but they make some remarks on how “free” my life is and ask me if I am not worried about my future (then again, it could be just because of the whole grad school stigma). With grad friends there is no trouble at all.

Also how do you handle finances with your partner?

I have a scholarship that gives me some money in exchange for being 100% dedicated to grad school, so I help with finances thought my husband gains more money than I do (not really fond about this, grrr, hehe). We divide expenses: I usually pay for the rent and laundry services because my check arrives on the first days of the month; while my husband pays for services, groceries and nights out. It usually ends up being 50/50. I should I add, I insisted that we divide costs this way. Yet, I end up with less money for myself than he does 🙁

 

How do you do gifts for each other?

We do three types of gifts: 

1) Emotional gifts: surprise homemade dinner, surprise massage, surprise kiss attack, etc.

2) Random candy gifts: ice cream, chocolate, etc.

3) Night out: once a week we pamper ourselves on a night out to a nice restaurant and -sometimes- movies. 

There are also other material gifts, but we usually reserve them for special days. I save some money on the side -from my part- to buy such presents. I assume he does the same.

 

 

What about your own spending money?

I am very bad handling money 🙁 So I usually spent a lot of my scholarship’s money on stupid little things (I am working on this). Husband is trying to give me money-saving habits by giving me a budget of how much I can spent per month, yet, since I have access to both his and my account, I am not always able to hold myself from going over my budget (with my money, of course, not his).

How is that determined?

Month expenses, future saving projects, etc.

How does your being a Stay-At-Home Wife impact your relationship?

 

I think it impacts mostly in two ways:

1) I feel bored and lonely for almost all day long. My husband goes to work pretty early and arrives pretty late, and while I am working and being distracted by watching TV series or going out to stretch my legs, I miss him. The weird thing is, I am getting accustom to being without him almost all day long, so it is more the bored part that is impacting.

2) I am usually scared that he might resent me because I tend to wake up latter than him, and sometimes I just stay home and take “rest days” which involves Netflix binging. He always says he doesn’t resent me or anything, and he knows that when I go full grad-mode I am even busier than him, but still…the question always remains in my head.

Do you feel you’re required to do a certain amount of housework?

Yes. But I don’t do it because I am either working on my own stuff, or too lazy to do it. My mom tells me everytime she calls me that I should be doing housework, and somedays I wonder if husband expects me to since I stay home so much time (when asked, he always says he doesn’t expect me to do it). Yet, I feel that if I start doing all, he would get accustom to it and I just don’t want this to happen.

 

Does your partner do housework?

He is supposed to be in charge of the dishes, but sometimes he doesn’t do them because he is too tired. I don’t cook unless the dishes are cleaned and it usually gets him to wash them. He also helps with the bed and, sometimes, laundry. He also helps with all the things related to our cat (feeding, litter cleaning, etc.)

 

Do you ever get under each other’s feet because you’re home so much?

A few times he has complained that I sleep too much or that I should have more responsabilities towards the house because I am at home most of my time. But they have been brief arguments and we usually end up realizing it is teamwork and it is not as if I wasn’t doing anything at all. I have tried waking up earlier and he has made an effort to understand that my work is different from his, but not less important and not less time demanding.

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