(Closed) How about this for a RSVP from a family – What would you do?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012



Post # 4
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If they’re close family, ask them if they’re going to stick around for the meal? 

Post # 5
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ok, I’ve re-read their response. They may actually be declining? Might be best to call.

Post # 6
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am not really sure what the proper thing etiquette wise to do would be because I think this is really outside the realm of proper etiquette! I would probably call though and ask if they planned on staying for dinner. Tell them that dinner won’t be served until 7 and you didn’t want to put them in an awkward spot of leaving in the middle of it.

Post # 7
107 posts
Blushing bee

@Aussiemum:    Wow!  Very frustrating.  Must be a really important game! (Sarcasm).

if your reception begins at 5 and dinner is served at 7, will you be having cocktail hour for that time?  I think I would contact the family and say something like ” we understand you will need to leave before we serve dinner so we won’ t count you in our dinner numbers but we hope you will attend our ceremony and have a few appetizers before you leave”

Dont count them in you catering numbers and don’t include them in your seating chart.

good luck.

When they start planning the daughter’s wedding they will think back and understand !

Post # 8
5622 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

It sounds like a decline to me, but I would contact them just to be sure.

Post # 9
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Stoich:  I think aussiemum will be serving entrees, which means they will need to be on the seating planning if they have actually accepted. How confusing!

Post # 11
14 posts
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Stoich:  +1. I certainly wouldn’t be including them in catering numbers when a football match takes precedence over the wedding! Maybe re-issue a new invitation inviting them to just the ceremony & cocktail hour/nibbles? Formal, yet very clear on the situation lol! 

Post # 12
4996 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Aussiemum:  Even though dinner is later, I would tell them dinner will be around 7:00. I’m sure it’s expensive to have them for dinner and they’re planning on leaving half way through. If they think they’ll miss dinner, they will probably just come to the ceremony. 

Post # 13
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

They’re joking, right?

Post # 14
1581 posts
Bumble bee

I would chat to the guests, thank them for sending the rsvp & explain to them that dinner is goigng to be served at 7pm – you are sorry that they won’t be able to stay for the enitre night but are happy to accomodate a table with nibbles / appetizers close to the back so they are comfortable leaving.

Make sure that there is a seating chart with their names on it so they don’t get allocated a full meal!

I’m intrigued as to what football match it is…. afl?

Post # 15
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @babecake:  Re – Reply # 8

I think part of the mix-up here is language.

In North America, the nibbles served before the Main are called Appetizers.

They can be served seated or standing (ala Cocktail Hour) in which case they may be called Hors d’Ouevres… even if they aren’t fussy… or just Appetizers / Appys

The Primary Dish / Plate is called the Main in some places, and Entree in others (what it is called has a lot to do with the formality of the meal, or the approximation to the French Language… in Canada the Entree is the appetizer portion of the meal)

Lol.. ya it can be quite confusing over here !!

— — —


View original reply
@Aussiemum:  thanks for the UPDATE (Reply # 9)

Sounds like you talked to them…

Well it is certainly an Unusual Request… “Sure we are coming, but have to leave in the middle of Dinner” (some might even say downright RUDE, inlight of the fact that it is only to watch Football vs celebrate a Family Member’s Marriage)

Beyond the money & numbers aspect… there is also the disruption it will cause to the flow of events and other Guests enjoyment of the evening.

If the appys are being served sit-down… then ya know, I’d just tell them…

“Thanks for the heads-up, sadly we can’t accommodate that request at the Reception Dinner… we are sorry you’ll miss it.  But we hope to see you at the Ceremony all the same”

And leave it at that.  Stand firm if you have to… if they get really brassy about “WHY NOT”… or want their meal to go… (“Sorry no can do”)

If they come to the Ceremony great… if not so be it.

On your side of the fence, there should be no hard feelings (or retaliation at their Wedding)… just chalk it up to Football was more important to them on that particular day … you can’t pick family members unfortunately…

BUT you can tell them POLITELY that their behaviour is unacceptable / cannot be accommodated in the way I’ve described above.


Post # 16
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@This Time Round:  Ohhh I didn’t know that. You learn something new everyday. In Australia (from my knowledge as I don’t want to have foot in mouth again :p), entrees are always a plated meal.

Like a previous poster, I’d tell them “Since you will be leaving early, how about you just attend the ceremony and (if the reception is at the same place) the pre-dinner drinks and canapes, which concludes at 6pm.”

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