(Closed) How about this for a RSVP from a family – What would you do?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Aussiemum:  Wow, that’s just really bizarre…and rude!

I think babecake‘s latest response is a great suggestion 🙂

Although, if I were another guest I would still find it so weird if a group of people left before dinner…

Post # 18
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee

I would email them saying you are glad they can make it to the cereomy, since they will be leaving before the main course is served you will put them down for cocktail hour only. I would not uninvite them but I certainly would not pay for them to eat half a meal.

Post # 19
Member
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I would not uninvite them but I would also not pay for a full meal when they have to leave, especially over asilly football game. I mean I can understand if they had a child that played or the wedding was last minute and they had bought expensive tickets but that is just RUDE. I think you are just going to have to speak to them and explain that while you are glad they can attend, you invite them to the ceremony and appetizer/nibble/entree (I haven’t figured out which its called in Austrilia) but that since they will have to leave at the same time as the main course being served you are not going to put them down for dinner unless they can stay through dinner. 

I have several guests who are attending our ceremony but have prior obligations (which we understand because its Easter weekend) so they have to leave. Some are leaving immediately after the ceremony and some we have invited for hors’dourves and will leave after cocktail hour but all of them have said “oh don’t put us down for dinner when we can’t stay” and none of them are close family missing for a ridiculous reason like a football match… they have legit reasons like work..

Post # 20
Member
3479 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

No food for them!!!!

Post # 21
Member
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

@Aussiemum:  I would call them and say something along the lines of “We are so happy you can come and share our special day. We recieved our note that you must leave at 7. Unfortunately, 7 is in the middle of dinner. Will you be leaving at 6, before dinner starts or waiting until after dinner is over around 8 to make your departure?” Just assume they have no idea that they are making a crazy request and work with it.

Post # 22
Member
2623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m a crazy football and not even I would do that. There are so many options for catching a game later, and they check the score on their phones.

If it were me I call and explain it would cost you a lot of money in uneaten dinners and say you are putting their rsvp down for a no and tell them you sorry they can’t make it.

Post # 23
Member
874 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Aussiemum:  I don’t even know what to say other than how rude. 

Post # 24
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If the Aunt in my family tried that, I’d pull rank and have my Mother-In-Law intervene.  She’s like a prison warden.  She would either convince them to suck it up and skip a football game to watch their nephew get married, or make them feel so badly about that they would never enjoy football again.

 

So that’s my advice.  Have a high-ranking female in your family call the Aunt to tell her what an ass she’s being.

 

*I’ve never heard of anything so pathetic in my life.  It’s one thing to RSVP NO on a response card, but to give such a pithy excuse as to why you’re not attending?  Ick. 

Post # 25
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee

They are not rude to priortize football over a wedding, but they were rude in telling you why.

I think you need to call them up, and ask them what they’d like you to do.  Will they be slipping out after the cocktail hour, or will they be joining you for the meal that should wrap up around 8:30.

 

Post # 26
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I had a 2 people who were unable to stay for the whole reception. I asked what they would prefer, to leave after cocktail hour, or to stay for half the reception and not get their food. One of them left after cocktail hour so I left them off of the catering count and seating chart. The other came for half of the reception and we were able to ask the chef to prepare his entree first so he was able to eat his meal before leaving. Both of these guests had good reasons to leave early, and we were thankful they were going to so much trouble to just attend the ceremony. But if they left to go watch a football game, I would not have been so accommodating….

Post # 27
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Pollywog:  “Just assume they have no idea that they are making a crazy request and work with it.”

Sounds like a good answer to me. Sometimes the best way to react to obvious rudeness is to act this way. It gives them a chance to rethink thier response and retract or clarify without feeling shameful.

Post # 28
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wouldn’t respond, I wouldn’t say anything to them. That is sooooo rude! A football match? Really? Almost unforgiveable.

Post # 29
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Based on what they wrote, “love to attend, but….” it could be interpreted in multiple ways. I would just contact them and say, “so sorry, you can’t come, you’ll be missed!”

Post # 30
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

First, it’s rude that they put a reason on their response. Just accept or decline. . . no need to explain yourself. Secondly, I’d call them to clarify their response. 

Post # 31
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@suburbian:  I agree. This is the most gracious response, never minding the family’s reason for the early departure.

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