Post # 1
The thread about daddy-daughter dates got me thinking, what are all of your thoughts on “Daddy Daughter Dances” where it is a formal dance, almost like a mini prom of sorts, and Dads escort their daughters.
I fondly remember attending the one in my hometown annually with my Dad around Valentine’s Day, but I know that these sorts of town events have been getting mixed reviews lately due to:
-1. A lot of people seem to think it is inappropirate for a father to take his daughter on a “date.” I didn’t realize that this was such a common sentiment until the other thread today, which i think is interesting. I am curious how that view point translates to Daddy Daughter Dances.
-2. There are many non-traditional families out there and girls without a traditional “Daddy” figure will feel left out.
Post # 2
I voted yes. I have two close friends, a single mom and a mom of 5 who is married.
The girls who’s parents are married love their night out.
The daughter of my single mom friend…her dad is a low life. He said he’d come and when my friend told him he couldn’t sleep in her room he refused to make the trip. At 8 she has began to tackle some realities about her father and have basic therepy. She’s also confronted her father and started asking hard questions. She has also made some choices about men in her life, and who she looks up to.
One of her little friends has a dipwad dad, too, and she has not faced the issues as her mom jumps in and protects her. However, anyone can see that she’s hurting, but she can’t get help and will literally talk to any male stranger who gives her attention.
If I were to organize a dance I would ask grandpa’s, uncles, or any men of good character willing to escort and show a little girl how a date should go to come to ensure girls without male parents had someone.
Post # 3
1) I think the “innapropriate to bring a daughter on a date” crowd is sick. Fathers, grandfathers and unles need to model behavior to their daughters. I think that this is half an overreaction from the islamic extemists who have child brides and half an overreaction from feminists who think that a woman shold never be under a man’s guidence.
Post # 4
searock: I think that it is common for parents with children who have “non traditional circumstances” to cover it up and pretend like nothing is “wrong” (bad word choice, but I can’t think of another word at the moment). I have a stepdaughter-to-be and my Fiance and I are guilty of it too at times.
Truth is, kids can handle it! They probably already figured it out themselves anyway and if not they’re going to figure out at some point that they don’t have a “daddy” in the same sense that many other little girls do.
But it is also important to reinforce that that is OK. SHe might have a super awesome Uncle to take her, or a gradpa who would be more than happy to treat her to a date night. If not, why not have a “Mommy Daughter Date” to the “Daddy Daughter Dance?” I think it is a great example to teach your daughters not to be ashamed 🙂
Post # 5
I most definately think they are okay. In fact I love the idea and my best male friend has done this with his oldest daughter.
Post # 6
freshflowers: I dont have any experience really with “father/daughter dances” other than the one dance we had for our wedding. I can remember at weddings when I was little dancing with my dad, but I think if the concept of daddy/daughter dances it to instill the idea of how a man is supposed to treat a woman, it probably in my mind overblown and unnecessary. I learned how a man treats a woman by watching how my father treated my mother. And I didn’t need a dance for my dad to prove he loved me when he came to all of my sporting events/plays etc. or would make an effort to just make sure I knew I was valued and loved or support my goals and ambitions as I grew up. So if thats what a dad feels they need to do to connect to their daughters fine but for me, I don’t think that would have been the thing I would remember as a hallmark of my father showing me I was valued. But this is coming from someone who did not experience those things.
As far as “date” being inappropriate…meh. I have dates with girlfriends, so the term doesn’t bother me. It would bother me if a father did this sort of thing for his daughter but not his wife. If you treat your daughter more special than your wife I think thats a problem.
Post # 7
As a child I always thought being with my dad was cool. And I very much loved being with my grandfather. Whoever said its a bad thing is out of their mind.
Post # 8
Katie-Didnt: I remember the “Daddy Daughter Dance” being a big deal in town. Every girl got a pretty pink invitation in their cubby at school and it was the BIGGEST deal. We would all get really excited together when we saw them.
So for me it was a big deal looking back becuase of all the excitement surrounding the event, and I hope my daughters get the chance to go because it was such a fond memory for myself. Was it single-handedly responsible for how my dad taught me how a man should treat a woman? Nah. Supporting the extracirriculars etc. is much more important.
Post # 9
I don’t understand the idea that a father daughter dance (or date) is for a father to teach a daughter how a man should treat a woman. It is quite frankly just quality time together, and an excuse to get dressed up. When I was in school up until about 4th grade there was a Father-Daughter Dance, and a Mother-Son Dance, around 4th or 5th grade the PTA decided there was not enough interest in a mother son dance, so they changed it to a mother son event, one year it was a baseball game, one year a bowling party. It was nothing more than a chance to bond with a parent, socialize with friends, and let the parents meet and socialize. Even then I knew people who went to the dance with someone other than the designated parent, now I know some schoola are changing the name of the event to make it more inclusive.
It is insane to me that people have issues with this type of thing. Obviously no child should be forced into it but I know girls who went to a private school and Father daughter dances continued through grade 12. There was never anything creepy about it, and certainly nothing sexual about it. It is an emphasis on family bonding and fun. As I mentioned in the other thread I know these dances fall into gender norms, but there is no reason that a daughter (or dad) has to conform to it, I gave the example of my cousin, her sisters wanted to get dressed up and go to the father daughter dances, so they went with their dad, she didn’t, so the next weekend he took her to a baseball game, something she was a lot more interested in. In the end, all three girls got 1 on 1 time with dad, had a great time, and hopefully made memories.
Post # 10
I am not a fan of how the one here is done. It’s very patronizing, right down to the name. But, I don’t have a problem with the concept overall.
Post # 11
I think they’re a nice idea, but they can definitely make kids from families without the traditional 1 mom and 1 dad setup feel uncomfortable. Also, they’re from a time when men worked and women stayed at home, so it was a way for dads to spend some time with their children that they normally wouldn’t. This doesn’t seem like something we need anymore, since both parents usually work. I think they should be changed to something more like “family dance night” (but with a catchier title) so they can be more inclusive.
No idea why people think dads spending 1-on-1 time with their daughters would be inappropriate just because they’re calling it a date. Sometimes I feel bad that men have to deal with the stigma of something being wrong if they enjoy spending time with children.
Post # 12
freshflowers: they are most definitely okay. I have great memories of daddy daughter dances w my dad. They were fun and I felt so special. Now as a mom of a little girl who’s daddy would move mountains for her I hope they get a chance to attend one. It would mean a lot to both of them.
Post # 13
Father-daughter dances always make me think of something like a purity ball. And purity balls absolutely gross me out.
I totally get spending time with your kids, and it seems nice to get dressed up and do something fun, but I don’t know why it has to be father-daughter or mother-son. I like TGold‘s idea of a family dance instead.
Personally, I don’t think my dad taught me how a “man should treat his wife” or anything like that. I think both my parents taught me how you should treat other people, in general.
Post # 14
Mrs.Sawyertobe: What do they do in your town that is “patronizing.” Sheesh. that doesn’t sound fun lol
Post # 15
As a bride-to-be who recently lost her dad, that sort of dance would (personally) potentially ruin my evening. (Not to be a debbie downer, sorry.) I would try to analyze your crowd and try to find out if there are any people in rough situations like that before deciding to do it.
I don’t think the idea is inappropriate at all, though.