Post # 1
Was it straightforward? Or did you have to tick a few boxes before you could start? Did you have a plan, for instance when to see GP and stop contraception/have coil removed?
Our situation involves a lot of planning and big decisions so it’s not straightforward at all (see previous thread)
I would love to hear your thoughts. What was the defining moment that led both of you to making that leap together? For both of being on the same page? Fortunately DH and I are on the same page
Post # 2
We were in our 30s when we got married and already financially secure with stable jobs – which would have been the biggest box to tick. Other than that we wanted to be married before trying. Originally we said we’d wait a year after the wedding to start TTC, but then I started getting antsy pretty soon after the wedding. I was antsy cause I was worried we’d have trouble conceiving; my mom had infertility issues that I was worried I’d inherited, and also I have short-ish cycles, so I was concerned about a luteal phase problem. I shared my concerns with dh and together we decided to start trying about 5 months after the wedding rather than waiting a full year. I did come off the pill a couple months before we began TTC to give my body a chance to regulate, which was a good call as things were wonky at first.
For me it wasn’t a matter of baby fever or desperately wanting a child NOW…it was more of a pragmatic decision. I was 32, we want 2-3 kids, I was worried about fertility issues, so we just decided we’d better get a move on.
Post # 3
We both have stable careers, have purchased a home (just waiting for construction to finish!), and we are getting married in August. We are also in our 30s so didn’t want to put it off any longer. We started TTC in september
Post # 4
I understand the non baby fever thing too, it’s only recently that I realised I’m turning 33 soon and then that became a factor in our heads.
I don’t know when I’ll be getting the Mirena removed but I’ll have to wait to have my period first to make sure my body is regulated just like you said
Post # 5
Currently 20 weeks pregnant (age 34) and I ask myself this same question..lol
All my life I figured I would some day have a family but I was not eager to have children young and I found comfort in the fact that some day always seemed so far away. Reason being, its truly the largest commitment I will ever make and also a major life change.
I certainly planned on accomplishing somethings prior to TTC such as career, financial goals, education, marriage and my own mental health. My husband and I have been together for nearly 5 years now (he is 31). We have been engaged since 2015 but did not have a hard wedding date set. So last summer we were having brunch just the two of us at our go to spot every weekend and he said, “when are we going to start a family”. My thought was, as soon as we are married. So what are we waiting for? With that I made an appointment to have my dress altered (I already had a wedding dress purchased) and began to make arrangements to elope at City Hall that September. As soon as we were married we proceeded with TTC.
I’m still in a bit of denial that some day has finally arrived but I do feel that the present is the right time. I just deep down feel I am ready for a major life change and I look forward to the challenge and reward of motherhood.
ETA: I too was concerned about potential fertility issues due to my age and wanted to allow myself time to possibly have 2 children. This also played part in how some day became today.
Post # 6
Essentially same as pp. Got married at 32, started trying right after since we want 2 kids ideally. Still trying and now 33. I’ve changed jobs while TTC and we own our home and have a decent savings.
I wish we had started TTC a little earlier (we are now 9 months in), we went on a Caribbean trip and then waited 6 months after due to Zika risk.
Post # 7
No real plan. I met my husband, moved in a month later, got married 4 months later, bought a house a month later, had to quit my job just as we closed on the house. Life was really rocky for the first 6 months. We knew we wanted kids and when we survived that really rocky time, we decided that we would be able to deal with whatever pregnancy and a baby brought along. Also, I was at home and not working – it didn’t make much sense to go looking for a job as we had planned for me to be stay at home.
There really wasn’t a defining moment. I got my Mirena out when the possibility of being pregnant felt like a good thing and not like an “oh shit”. It came out in August and we found out we were pregnant in November.
I think pretending you were to wake up and find out you were somehow pregnant is a good thought experiment – is there much you would suddenly have to do? Would you wish you had had more time to plan? When you can do that thought experiment and just feel positive about it and not have a bunch of stuff you would need to get sorted…that’s a good time to go ahead and start trying. (I did read your previous post and know you have a lot to deal with.)
Post # 8
We wanted to be married & pay off all revolving debt before ttc. DH is older (44 when we started ttc) so we didn’t want to wait too long. We got our debt done and then started. It ended up being about a year after we got married.
Post # 9
We are planning to TTC early next year. I’ll be 26 and he’ll be 28. We have decent jobs and a house big enough for 3 or 4 of us. We both want to have one as soon as possible, and we’d be absolutely fine if it happened now, but we’d ideally like to wait until after the wedding. Our honeymoon isn’t until January and I’d like to be able to drink and do all the fun excursions on the cruise, but we’ll likely start trying while we’re there.
I’m not on BC so there’s nothing to prep for in that department. I came off of it before I even met him. I currently just track my cycles and he pulls out.
Post # 10
Essentially we got married. I dont consider us to have all the “checkboxes” the bee typically says before having a child, but if I went by that we’d never have a family. We have stable jobs…decided to go for it and now I’m almost 30 weeks pregnant.
Life happens and you figure it out along the way. I didn’t really want to wait anymore as we want at least 2 children (come back and ask me once I have the first lol) and DH is 6 years older than me. I didn’t want to keep waiting and have him be an older dad. I also thought we were doing nothing great with our lives on the weekends..basically wasting time while we could have a family.
So here we are! Due in July. About a year prior to conceiving I had a regular OBGYN visit and had my hormone level checked just to be sure and everything came back good. That’s about all the preparation I did. Ha
Post # 11
We were a little pressed for time since we’re older (we were 33 and 43 when we got together, 35 and 45 when we started ttc). But we also wanted to give our relationship time to determine if this was it for sure, and give life time to settle after both being previously divorced. My guy was also buying into his company and wanted to have all that sorted. I had an IUD so it needed to be a very deliberate decision to have it removed.
4 months pregnant now! 👍🏼 It always seemed like such a big scary decision, but now that it’s actually happening, it’s like “All right lets do this!” You have 9 months to really get used to the idea and prepare.
Of course you need to be in a good place financially and a good place in your relationship – I think those are the two critical components. Kids are expensive as fuck (especially the US with our horrible for-profit health care system) and they can really further erode any cracks in your relationship. So you need to be totally realistic about whether it’s the right situation for children.
Post # 12
We didn’t get to the point of officially TTC, but we made the decision to start NTNP… and that decision was based on the fact that we’d done all the things we really wanted to get done before having a baby, own a home, have steady incomes and a healthy amount of savings/investments, and careers we love. We also weren’t sure if we’d want a second baby one day, but if we did, we wanted to be all done with babymaking by the time we’re 32.
Didn’t have a plan, I stopped taking my BCP and the next month I was pregnant.
Post # 13
This is such an interesting thread! We were originally planning on TTC this year but decided to postpone as neither of us really feel ready yet – no boxes we want to check just not willing to give up the freedom yet I guess.
I’ve never really experienced baby fever so I’m guessing we will be one of those couples who decides we should start because of our age.
Post # 14
Well timed thread for us. Last night we discussed having a baby by next May/June (I’m a teacher so we have to backwards plan). Which would mean TTC in August which means removing my IUD no later than July.
Which is freaking crazy. So I guess I’m making an appointment to get my Mirena IUD out this June so I can get back on track with my cycle. I’ve had Mirena for 7 years (this is my second one) and was on BCP for nearly eight years before that. It’ll be interesting (terrifying) to see how quickly my cycle regulates. I haven’t had a period in 6 years!
Im 31, hubby is 36. We’ve been married just under a year and together for nearly 10. We own a house and both have (non-tenured) teaching jobs. I just finished my Masters in education and I’ll be finishing my first year teaching in a few weeks!
I’ve always wanted to be a mom. When we met he said he wanted to be a young dad! Then he took 8 years to propose so we’re going to start trying sooner rather than later.
We’ll never REALLY be ready. But we’re close enough.
Post # 15
We basically wanted to be set up to buy a house. We got married at 25 then spent the next year and half saving a good down payment and paying off our cars (our only debt). Once our savings were good we NTNP and got pregnant on the 4th cycle, which happened to be the month we bought our house. Our little girl is now 16 months and we started NTNP this month for baby #2. No real goals before trying for baby #2. It’s definitely more exciting and more relaxed with the second one, for us. We kind of know what we are getting ourselves into lol.