(Closed) How are you being introduced?

posted 10 years ago in Reception
  • poll: How are you being/how were you introduced?

    Mr. and Mrs. Smith

    Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

    John and Jane Smith

  • Post # 17
    Member
    1052 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Cedar Lake Cellars

    We’re lucky because we will have the same title.  So, we’re doing Drs. John and Jane Smith.  Personally, I like both first names, no matter the titles.

    Post # 18
    Member
    510 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    We’ll be doing Mr. and Mrs. John Smith!

    Post # 19
    Member
    353 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    We are not doing introductions.  

    Post # 20
    Member
    756 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I would prefer not to have introductions, but my mother is pushing for them.  If we have one, I really just want to be introduced as John and Jane Smith.  I have no desire to be called “Mrs.” by anyone until I have children (whose friends and teachers are likely to refer to me that way).

    Post # 21
    Member
    947 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    We’re doing Mr. & Mrs John Smith….I can’t wait!!!

    Post # 22
    Member
    126 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    We did Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith

    Post # 23
    Member
    4383 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    This has really made me think! I am fairly traditional, but also do not really like “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith”… I like the option of just John and Jane Smith, we might go that way!

    Post # 24
    Member
    4499 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    We’re going to be Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Jones, which isn’t very exciting to announce (same as we were before!)…so we’re skipping the introduction!

    Post # 25
    Member
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    We did “Mr and Mrs John Smith” after the ceremony and “John and Jane Smith” entering the reception.

    Mr and Mrs John and Jane Smith is not grammatically correct.

    View original reply
    @IvyClimb: You are NOT actually becoming Mrs. Jane Smith.  Mrs. Jane Smith is how you would describe a divorced woman.  I wouldn’t want to be referred to like a divorcee on my wedding day (another reason, besides simply grammer, that I’d never use Mr and Mrs John and Jane Smith).

    As a married woman (who takes her husband’s last name) you are either Mrs. John Smith OR simply Jane Smith.  Nothing else is technically a proper way to address someone.

    Post # 26
    Member
    4499 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @FutureKMM: I think you’re correct about the name technicalities, but I also think today those rules are being bent a bit. Many people understand why a woman might not want to be called “Mrs. John Smith” and don’t consider “Mrs. Jane Smith” a grammatical error, just a choice by the woman to convey both her marital status and her own name.

    Post # 27
    Member
    703 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith here.

    Post # 28
    Member
    258 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    View original reply
    @chicagobride092010: we did the same, since I also kept my own name.

    Post # 29
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I kept my own name, but socially we were introduced as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.  it only happens once, so i totally didn’t mind!

    Post # 30
    Member
    1568 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    View original reply
    @Mrs.KMM:The rules you are citing have been obsolete for nearly a century. They were offensive then, and are offensive now. My name is Mrs. Jane Smith. If what you stated were currently accepted etiquette/grammar, then it would be impossible for a woman to be addressed with an honorific while using her first name while she is married. How insulting.

    One of many available sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mrs.


    Note the use of past tense in the following:


    Traditional usage

    “Mrs.” was most often used by women when married, in conjunction with her husband’s first and last names, e.g. “Mrs. John Smith”. A widow was and still is addressed with the same title as when she was married. “Mrs.” was rarely used before a woman’s first name, maiden name, or before a hyphenated surname her husband was not using. For example, “Mrs. Jane Miller” (wife of John Smith), “Mrs. Jane Smith” or “Mrs. Jane Miller-Smith” were considered incorrect by many etiquette writers, especially of the early 20th century.


    Note the use of present tense in the following (emphasis mine):


    Modern usage

    It is now uncommon for women to be addressed using their husband’s first name, except when the couple is being addressed jointly, such as in “Mr. and Mrs. Rhett Butler”.

    Many married women still use the title with their husband’s last name, but retaining their first name, “Mrs. Jane Smith,” while many have eschewed the title completely in professional life, utilizing “Ms.” Any choice of title, first, and last name is considered acceptable both socially and professionally today, and should be honored once it is made known.

    Modern etiquette has no absolute rules as how to address married couples in which the wife uses her own last name, or uses a title such as “Dr.” or “Mayor”. Etiquette writer Judith Martin (“Miss Manners”) generally advises that in non-standard situations, the individuals be addressed in separate lines on invitations (Dr. Sue Martin / Mr. John Martin).


     

    [ETA] We’ve received several pieces of mail since we got married that were addressed, not surprisingly, to “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.” I always turn to my husband and remark, “Baby, did you know that my name is John now? Just thought I’d let you know.”

    Post # 31
    Member
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    View original reply
    @IvyClimb: I do not find what I posted to be offensive in the least (nor does a single person I know in real life).  While I respect your choice to go by whatever you’d like, just because people commonly refer to themselves as Mrs. Jane Smith doesn’t make it correct.  There is often a big difference between what people do and the correct way to do things.

    The topic ‘How are you being introduced?’ is closed to new replies.

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