Post # 1
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
Is everyone who is invited to your wedding invited with a guest? And if not, how do you make that clear to them?
This is one thing we’ve really been struggling with. We’re trying to keep our guest list down, so we’ve come up with the following rules:
1. Any guest who is married, engaged, or in a serious relationship will be allowed to bring their S.O.
2. Any guest who is single will not get a plus one.
Simple, I hope. But I’m not sure how to get this across to the single guests that they won’t be allowed to bring a plus one. Etiquette says that if the envelope is just addressed to one person, then they should know, but I’m thinking about the boy’s old college friends – etiquette isn’t necessarily their strong point.
We’re not doing RSVP cards (they can RSVP on our website) but we were thinking of including a card that directs them to our site. Can we also put something on that card that says “1 seat has been reserved in your honor” or, for families “4 seats have been reserved in your honor” etc.
Is that tacky? What do you think?
Post # 3
We have the same issue and are going by the same rule. Its tough and some people may complain but i really dont care. I am no etiquette offical but I think what your doing sounds ok.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2011 - Trinity Lutheran Church & Idlewild Country Club
Y’know, it worries me to think that if the envelope just says “Mr. John Smith” that John might bring a date. I mean, seriously, even if people don’t read wedding books everyday, I hope they can figure it out. I’d hate to have a whole bunch of unantiicapted guests (and unanticiapted costs).
We’re letting most of the college friends we’re inviting bring a guest because they’ll be coming from all around and most likely won’t really know anyone else so that way they’ll have someone to talk to. They’re invites wil say “Mr. John SMith and guest.”
Family friends & family members (like extended cousins and such) will not get a guest (unless engaged or living together). We’re handling this by just inviting “The John Smith Family” which is our code for John, Jane, and my two 20 something cousins w/o dates.
i don’t think it’s too takcy to say ‘1 seat’ for them, esp if they wouldn’t get the idea otherwise.
Post # 5
We have the same rules as you. As for the RSVPs, on our cards I’m most likely going to write something like ___ of ____ guests attending. For each guest I’ll put in the number of people invited on the second line, so single guests will be ___ of 1 guests. It’s going to be a PIA to fill it all in, but I’m with you, I don’t really want any assumptions. I hadn’t thought about online RSVPs though…. You’ll definitely need the card directing them to the website. I don’t think it would be awful to put in the number of seats reserved on the card. I wouldn’t be offended if that showed up in my mailbox unless someone didn’t invite FI! I’m interested to see what other people think!
Post # 6
I think you might be underestimating them; they should understand not to bring people that haven’t been explicitly invited. Worse comes to worse, if they rsvp for more than one, it’s totally okay to call them and say you can’t fit any more people in your venue. I wouldn’t bother putting anything about the number of seats on the cards.
Post # 7
Sigh, I”m still undecided about how to deal with this issue. I’m leaning toward doing what you’re doing–plus ones for only married, engaged, or serious relationship. Especially because we have about 25-30 young single people (or single right now, anyways), which would mean paying for another 25-30 people as their guests if they decided to find someone to bring. Not so excited about that part! But I don’t want people to be annoyed that they CAN”T bring dates…
Post # 8
well, we were a little harsh. for the ceremony, it’s only 30 people so for some of my friends we didn’t even let husbands/so’s come! i only was allowed 15 people, and there just wasn’t room. but for the reception, we let in all serious relationships. for our rsvping we did it by website, and you go to the website and find your name and click yes or no next to it. there’s no way to rsvp for anyone else,
Post # 9
I think the best way to let people know who is and isn’t invited is to have __ of __ guests attending where you will in the second blank.
Post # 10
This is such a great topic because I have been struggling with the same thing. We are going to follow the same rule that those who are married, engaged, or in serious relationships can bring their SO, but if not, then no plus one.
I really like the idea of saying ___ seats have been reserved in your honor OR having the _____ of ______ on the rsvp cards.
I will definitely be copying this idea!!!
Post # 11
We are allowing every guest to bring a +1 and we are having a very small wedding 60 ppl.
Post # 12
We are allowing people to bring a plus one, but I am going to encourage my friends who aren’t dating anyone to just come and spend time with their other friends. It is a weekend wedding, so I hope that people carpool and share rooms anyways.