Post # 1
My father has been deceased for more than 8 years. I want to do something at the wedding that recognizes him and reminds me how much he would have loved to be there, without making everyone cry. Any suggestions?
At my sister’s wedding, her husband "surprised" us by playing a special song, "Dance with my Father Again," instead of the tradition father/daughter dance. While the thought was nice, the result was a disaster. Everyone bawled and it was basically a downer. I would prefer to do something–well, that isn’t that.
Another consideration is that my mom has a male friend that has been in her life for sometime now. He is invited to the wedding, and he is a very nice man, but I don’t want people to think he is my dad. How do I keep people who don’t know me from making an assumption that would be awkward for both him and me? Is that even possible?
Post # 3
I am having a bouquet charm with my dads picture and dancing with my brother (who is walking me down the aisle) to a song my dad and I used to dance to when i was little.
Post # 4
I’m also including a bouquet charm with a picture of myself and my dad, as well as having his favorite flower in my bouquet — this is something that is more personal for me, just so I feel like he’s near when I go down the aisle. But because I will be having my uncle walk me partially down the aisle (my mom’s preference, not mine), I will probably make a note in the program and acknowledge my late father under parents of the bride and separately acknowledge my uncle so there is no confusion.
Post # 5
I also lost my father, about two years ago. I have dedcided to place a candle holder (which he made for my brothers wedding) on the head table or some other main area. I plan on bringing it up during the thank you’s or in the program by saying something like " His light is shining on us today" I figured that will acknowledge him with out having everyoen bust out in tears! (including myself) 🙂
Post # 6
I’m still debating. During what would be a father daughter dance, I may ask everyone to join me on the dance floor and shake their tails in a celebration of his memory –he loved to dance and loved a good party– probably to "Pride and Joy" by Stevie Ray Vaughan (dad’s favorite).
That still may be too much — kind of a forced joy (and I would have to talk in front of a large audience!). Plus, what if no one danced with me and I just had to bop around by myself like an idiot?
Back to square one.
Maybe an "in loving memory" on the program?
Post # 7
my fiance and i both lost our dads several years ago. we’ll be placing portraits of them at the reception. we’ll also honor them in the programs.
i decided not to do any kind of father-daughter dance. to me, having someone "stand-in" just for the sake of tradition and balance (FI will still do the mother-son dance) just didn’t seem right.
charmedbride & jeeyol, where did you find bouquet charms?
Post # 8
tbittles — i’m debating whether to make my own or purchase some online. miss pinot noir recently posted about custom bouquet charms she purchased for her own bouquet (http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/07/15/in-loving-memory/). i also saw instructions in the DIY bride book for how to make your own :). the etsy seller in miss PN’s post does seem to have very affordable, good quality charms though!
Post # 9
Here are 36 for 7.99 at oriental trading company. prob not great quality.
Oriental Trading company
Here are come reasonably priced ones
I’m also pretty sure you can get them at michaels and hobby lobby
Post # 10
I think those who knew and miss your dad will also be sad that he’s not there, but proud of however you honor him. You can’t control tears. I can see how that surprise song at your sister’s wedding would have been a disaster though.
I’m one who lost my mom. Like the others I had a picture of her in a locket put on my bouquet. I looked for cheap lockets on Etsy, and found an affordable one with a BLUEbird on it. I just removed the chain, and it was perfect.
I also had my brother-in-law escort a quilt she, my sister, I made together down the aisle during the "Entrance of the Mothers" to signify her everlasting presence. It sat on its own chair during the ceremony. I lucked out to have something so my mom, but if that jogs your memory about anything of your father’s, it was an unobtrusive reminder of her for me.
Also, notes in the program go a long way. There’s lots of ways to honor him with class and dignity.
Regarding the father-daughter dance and someone walking you down the aisle, I would only do what you’re comfortable with. There’s no reason you HAVE TO even do it.
Hope you’re able to find something right for you. 🙂
Post # 11
I went to a wedding last summer where the grooms mother had passed away many years ago. His father carried a single rose down the aisle (he also had a woman who walked with him who has been in his life for a number of years, helped raise the groom and is loved by the family) … he placed the rose on the first seat in the first row, sat next to the rose, and then the other woman sat next to him. It was significant enough and also quiet enough at the same time. I believe they also had her name in the program.
My brother and sister-in-law had both recently lost a grandparent to Alzheimers and decided to do the "In Lieu of a favor a donation has been made in honor of grandmother 1 and grandfather 2 to the Alzheimers association." A lot of people were very touched by it as both sides of the family had been affected by the disease very recently.
Post # 12
We used my father’s wedding ring as my husband’s wedding ring, and the pastor mentioned it during the sermon in a nice way that wasn’t too sad.
Post # 13
Thanks for the beautiful ideas! I hadn’t seen any bouquet charms and will definitely be looking into it.
Post # 14
tbittles, I’m with you. My father passed away when I was 17, and I won’t be doing a father-daughter dance. I also decided I’m going down the aisle solo. I know I may get some flack for being old-fashioned, but my dad’s the only one I’d want to give me away. I understand those who have a stepfather or brother or someone special they are having walk them down the aisle, but I’m stubborn.
Post # 15
I used a bouquet charm I found on Etsy as a personal remembrance of my mother. We also wrote a bit in the program about all our loved ones who were not with us on our day. Finally, we had weddng (or other) portraits of all of our parents and grandparents set up on the entrance table to honor all of our family.
Here is the Etsy seller I used:
Post # 16
I used the same seller on Etsy and she did such a good job. My father passed away two years ago and I loved the idea of having the picture charm incorporated into my bouquet – it will be my way of having my dad walk with me down the aisle. I also want to say that it’s comforting to read everyone’s comments on this. Not being able to have my dad at my wedding is hard and something I knew would get harder as my wedding day approaches. But reading about all the thoughtful ways people choose to remember their loved ones is a nice feeling.