How are you splitting the wedding expenses? Who is paying for what?

posted 5 months ago in Logistics
Post # 17
Member
47136 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

chillbee29 :  Agreed, but by deleting the link, people have no idea why some of us responded the way we did. Got a PM asking if I responded to the wrong thread.

Post # 19
Member
4855 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Fiancé and I earn pretty similar salaries so we have been putting the same amount towards the wedding. 

I don’t really understand the tradition that either set of parents should pay for a wedding. In my mind, a wedding is the first step to a joint life with your partner which is a decision you should undertake as an independent adult. It doesn’t have anything to do with the parents.

Post # 20
Member
4704 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

chillbee29 :  my parents insisted on paying but there was a bit of politics as they refused to pay for things that the groom “traditionally” pays for or things they just didn’t like (which is their prerogative it just made budgeting hard). So my parents paid about 80% and the other 20% was split between us and Mother-In-Law.

Post # 21
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

We set up a second joint account for the wedding, and both paid into it each month, and used that to pay for all aspects of the wedding. We had planned to pay for everything ourselves but my parents and Mother-In-Law both generously gave us some money towards it. We didn’t expect this and tried to tell them it wasn’t necessary, but they insisted.

Im mid 30s and he’s late 40s, so we’re both established in our careers, hence why we planned to fund everything ourselves. I’m sure we would have struggled more if we were younger.

Post # 22
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

We set up a joint account and set out with the intention of putting money towards it equally every month and paying for the wedding ourselves.

so far I have contributed the bulk (as I put a lump of savings into the pot at the start and pay in monthly). My fiancé has got tied up paying a second mortgage on his rental flat he is currently selling since his last tenants left, so until it is sold he can’t contribute monthly – and I don’t want him cashing in any of his investment bonds that haven’t yet matured.

My Mum has given us £10k for our reception out of our family home (which is being run as a bit of a business on the side for family legacy things like this) – we’re very lucky that we were able to do that and that the current mortgage fixed term was ending at the right time. it was fortuitous and generous.

My Fi’s Mum has very generously gifted us £2k but we would rather not take it off her as she has little income and his currently going through a divorce, so I think we will just try to hold onto it for her for a while..

I really don’t understand the enduring assumption that the brides family (father) pays for the majority of the wedding..  it’s so outdated. Fine, absolutely, if they can afford to and want to, but it just seems so odd to me in this day and age.

i guess ultimately it just depends on circumstances on a case by case basis..  we weren’t expecting my. Fiancé to be unable to contribute in the lead up, not were we expecting as much help as we have got, so it has thankfully worked out – and we will repay the kindness..

Post # 23
Member
11495 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

What people don’t realize is that even traditional etiquette considered a couple living on their own and independent to be ultimately responsible for paying for their own wedding. Parents can obviously always offer to contribute or host, which is what both sets of our parents did. 

We were just starting out in our careers and would never have spent our early savings on an expensive wedding reception at that stage of our lives had that not been the case. It was never something we took for granted, however. 

Post # 24
Member
1446 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Cortland, NY

When we got engaged, it was three months before he went on a one-year deployment overseas in the National Guard. We spent those three months enjoying being engaged to each other, but also spent some time talking about budget. 

My parents are helping a good deal (they are paying for small things here and there but the big thing is the food and alcohol). The big things my fiance and I were left with were my dress (obviously I was going to pay for that), the photographer (he offered to pay for that), centerpieces and decor (I offered to pay for that), and the DJ (he offered to pay for that). It is not 50/50 – I am paying for almost everything else, though he does want to pay for the cake. 

We’re kinda hashing it out as we go along, tbh. But for now we are under the impression that I myself am paying for everything else, unless I need help. We want his deployment money to go into our savings as much as possible. 

Post # 25
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

We are at the very beginning of the planning process.  I anticipate that we will be paying for the wedding ourselves.  I am not sure about the percentage we will each put in.  FH makes twice what I do in a year, so I think he will probably put in more than I do.  I don’t anticipate we will get any parental help as no one has said anything.  We are also older (will be 40 and 44 at time of wedding), so maybe that is part of why no one else is jumping up volunteering to pay for things.

Post # 26
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

My fiance and I are paying for just about everything on our own.  My mom did pay for my dress and she will be buying my 2 daughters their dresses.  She also offered to pay for our hair and shoes.  She said she will pay for my nails and makeup for the day also.  Other than that we are paying for our wedding ourselves and we basically split it 50/50. 

Post # 27
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

FH and I are splitting almost everything 50/50.  We’re splitting the food/bev cost, we bought each other’s rings, I’m buying my dress and he’s getting his suit/tie, we’re splitting the photography cost, etc.  We told our parents that if they wanted to kick in, that was fine, but we were also prepared to pay for it ourselves so it wasn’t expected.  We also told them specifically that if they wanted to contribute, we were not going to do the do-si-do of chunking out who pays for what; so we weren’t going to say “you’re paying for the flowers,” or “you’re responsible for the wine.”  We asked that if they wanted to contribute they just gave whatever they were comfortable with to the cause on the whole, because we didn’t want to be dealing with multiple budgets and everyone seems to have a different idea of what “expensive” is.  It was too messy, so we just asked that people contribute in general, not for a particular aspect.  My parents kicked in a little bit on that principle and actually thought it was a great idea not to parse everything out.  FH’s parents really white-knuckle tradition, so they are paying for the rehearsal dinner although we told them we didn’t need them to (we couldn’t shake them off of it).

Post # 28
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

chillbee29 :  Your situation is very similar to mine. My fiance and I budgeted the best we could with what saving we were willing to part with and what we could reasonably save during the time of our engagement. When parents (most my FMIL) wanted extra things, such as inviting an extra 30 guests or moving the wedding from Friday to Saturday, we let her know it was not within our budget to do so, so she offered to pay the difference. 

I’d like to note, while this is a great and kind thing to do, also don’t let the fact that family is willing to pay force you into having or doing something you do not want. My Future Mother-In-Law is hugely guilty of this. Anytime she wants anything and we say no due to budget, she simply wants to throw money at the problem until we give her what she wants. It gets old fast and can make you feel really pressured into doign things you don’t want.

Post # 30
Member
330 posts
Helper bee

chillbee29 :  Me and my fiance arent really keeping count. We have a list of things we need and have both bought things in our spare time and checked them off the list. Some things we can’t buy until it’s closer to time. Future Mother-In-Law has picked out some decorations she wanted to buy us and asked for our approval which was awesome. 

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