How are you treated by your mil?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

She treats me like shit. FH was the famiies scapegoat and the one everyone just used for anything and everything. I came along.. And that changed. So his entire family treats me horribly or like i dont even exist. Its gone so far as to them completely ruining my relationship with his teenage daughter also. We were just getting close and bonding.

Post # 3
Member
644 posts
Busy bee

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soexcited123 :  Future Mother-In-Law loves me like her own. She has a strained relationship with her only daughter so she loves having me around but she isn’t pushy about it. She’s supportive enough to have gone to my grandpas funeral when FH had to work so I had some extra love but she’s not overbearing. There was one time we were having relationship problems and she called me trying to help us work it out but FH asked her not to and she hasn’t since. I love her, I think she’s going to be a great MIL/grandma. 

Post # 4
Member
5149 posts
Bee Keeper

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soexcited123 :  We have a good relationship. My Future Mother-In-Law speaks very little English though but I never felt she treated me as an outsider. No complaints.

Post # 5
Member
4160 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Even though my Mother-In-Law drives me nuts most of the time, she treats me very well. She’s very kind and we spend a lot of time with her.  Unfortunately the condo building she lives in was ruined by a fire about a week and a half ago, so she’s living in our basement suite for at least the next 8-10 months while it’s rebuilt. If our relationship wasn’t great, there’s absolutely no way I would be okay with that.

Post # 6
Member
2535 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Mother-In-Law has passed now. When she was around, we got along great. We would go shopping, get pedicures together, etc. I traveled with her and husband to her home country and met all her relatives/friends. We were very close. I hear all these disaster stories about MIL’s and realize how lucky I was. 

Post # 7
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

Do FMIL’s count? Mine is mostly indifferent – she only has two sons and her own Mother-In-Law lived in Europe before she passed, so I don’t really think she knows how different daughter relationships are. She prefers her other son’s fiancée to me, as she’s the one that can offer the possibility of grandchildren (not in the cards for me from a medical standpoint, unfortunately). Despite being adopted herself, she occasionally makes catty comments about blended families not being real families (it’s so hard to bite my tongue and be like, seriously lady??? You have the life -and family- that you do right now because your mom adopted you!!!) Things could change once I’m officially a fiancée and not just common law, I’m not holding out much hope that they’ll change for the better, though. I was raised to respect my elders but take crap from no one, so it’ll definitely be a priority to stand firm over things like the guest list whilst also making sure that the fact that I have a backbone doesn’t cause my guy any stress.

Post # 8
Member
2574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

My Mother-In-Law loves me. She treats me like a close daughter.

We live a few hours apart so she doesn’t invite me to lunch or things like that but we get together once a month with her son (my hubby) and hang out.

Today is her 60th birthday and we are going into the city to have dinner and celebrate. 

So lucky to have such a sweet mother in law. 

Post # 9
Member
10334 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

My Mother-In-Law has treated me like family since the first time I met her. She’s an incredibly kind and welcoming person. I’ve had a key to my in-laws house for years, long before I married my husband. I’m always invited to family events and included in family traditions. 

She doesn’t invite me out on her mother-daughter outings but that doesn’t offend or upset me at all. I like my brother’s wife but sometimes I still want some bonding time with just my mom. Spending time with my mom without my SIL is not a slight against her.

Post # 11
Member
359 posts
Helper bee

I haven’t seen mine in over a year by choice. That about sums it up. Completely the opposite of what I envisioned for my life before I met my husband, but it is what it is. Removing her 100% from my life was, unfortunately, the only option. I truly envy those of you who are close to your MILs.

Post # 12
Member
1704 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Mother-In-Law seems sweet and tries really hard to make me like her.  I mentioned I hate cleaning and me and Dh are hiring a service to do in in the next month  so she asked Dh and cleaned my kitchen and guest bathroom yesterday. I wasn’t there to ask and she kept apologizing after I got home.  I was like,  dude thanks,  I hate cleaning.

I also think she wants me to call her mom,  but we’ve only been married a month and I’m just not there yet.

TBH though,  as much as I like her,  I was ready for her and the rest of the in laws to leave last night. My grandmother passed away yesterday and I got the call at 6am, so I spent the whole day holding grandpa’s hand and hanging out with my family and sisters (left Dh behind at the house because we knew all his family were coming over later and I really felt there would already be a crowd at the house,  plus he had to work a few hours) , then I come home around 9pm and there’s a dozen of Dh’s family still in our pool. I almost didn’t walk in the house. 

I tried to hole up on my office to finally get some alone time and Mother-In-Law keeps calling my name. I cringed, but got tired of her calling and opened my office door.  Than Mother-In-Law wanted to talk about the house and chat for an hour, yes she knew about grandma passing away earlier that day,  why would I want to chat about her cleaning my kitchen?

I was pretty much barely hanging in there when they finally left the house after 10pm. I know I could have just said something, but I wasn’t sure how I felt. It was just so much. Now today I’m a bit angry that they didn’t leave me alone yesterday,  but at the time,   I just knew I wanted some alone time to process it. It was nice getting all the hugs from my nieces and nephews though. Kid hugs and kisses really do make you feel better. So that was nice.

It was a hard day and as much as I like my in laws, coming home to them still being at the house was not helpful.  

Post # 13
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I love my Mother-In-Law, she is wonderful, but I would *never* expect her to invite me along when she’s having a special day or trip with her own daughter. And I would never be hurt by that! I’m her DIL, not her flesh-and-blood. What I am, though, is very lucky to have a sweet, kind woman who I am always happy to see and who is a loving grandmother to my son. 

You say you’re a sensitive person, OP, but I don’t think you should feel hurt! It’s a different situation.

Post # 14
Member
3558 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
soexcited123 :  I’m not really up for individual outings with her. I barely go on family outings. She does have that sort of relationship with her other DIL (although they admittedly hate one another, so it’s all fake). We’re kind to one another. She makes an effort to be nice to me, which seems to come from a place of knowing that I would easily cut them out of our lives, because she acts totally different and rude toward DH when I’m not around. But our relationship is totally fine.

Post # 15
Member
1382 posts
Bumble bee

My Mother-In-Law is a good one but we are not super close. She is a very reserved person and always has been.

My husband is an only child and I think both his parents were very fearful that the woman he married would either ” take him away” or not fit in but we all get along very well. She treats me with respect and courtesy I treat her and my Father-In-Law the same way.

They are not a huggy or affectionate family like mine but have always been friendly and kind and we have had some good laughs over the years.

 

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