How are you treated by your mil?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Bee
5287 posts
Bee Keeper

There’s a joke that illustrates my point.

Two Jewish women are talking about their adult children. One asks the other, “how is your daughter?”. She replies, “she’s great! Her husband got her a fur coat and a big diamond and she has a maid come in every week.”. 

The friend says “wonderful! And how about your son?” 

She responds, “oh that woman he married is terrible. She made him get her a fancy diamond ring and a big house and now she wants a maid! Can you believe it?’

My Mother-In-Law was much like this, until my children were born. And when they started being polite and saying please and thank you, and writing thank you notes for gifts, she took notice because my SIL didn’t exactly encourage manners in her kid, so much as entitlement. My daughter almost fell off her chair when she heard her cousin say, “Mom, get me water now!!”, since that kind of order would go over like a lead balloon at our house. My Mother-In-Law eventually told me that I was the best mother, better than her daughter and other daughter in law. That was nice…and true.

Post # 17
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

I love my mother in law and we get along great. She treated me like family way before we were married. I think she’d actually like if I spent more time with her one on one, but I’m the one who holds back, due to my personality nothing to do with her.

That said, daughter =\= daughter in law. I’d never expect her to hold me on the same standard as her own child. 

Post # 19
Member
3577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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soexcited123 :  Yep, that’s right. Although I definitely wouldn’t say I like her. I tolerate her fine on most occasions and we get along fine. 

Post # 20
Member
7994 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Do you ever post about anything not related to your fmil? Oy.

my mil is much closer to her other dil. She’s nice but we don’t go out for lunch and pedicures. I’m fine with our relationship.

Post # 21
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2023

It ran hot and cold with my ex. I never considered his family mine though so it didn’t faze me in the least bit. 

Post # 22
Member
3237 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

All of my husband’s family has treated me like family since day one.

Post # 23
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

Safe to say I do not have a great relationship with my Mother-In-Law but I put that down to her boyfriend as he’s a very awkward man who likes to hold a grudge and I feel it rubs off on her 👎

Post # 24
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2021 - Hopetoun House, UK

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soexcited123 :  My future Mother-In-Law definitely treats me like her own daughter, she is lovely. Her and my future SIL will always invite me when they are out for the day, and when they have an event. I also feel comfortable to pop over to the house whenever even without my fiance, and i’m comfortable in approach her about anything, she is definitely my other mother. 

Post # 25
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2019

My Future Mother-In-Law treats me like crap, but she also treats my fiancé like crap so I guess she treats me like family.

Last get together she straight up said my Future Sister-In-Law was the favourite. Like he has feelings. Witch. 

Post # 26
Member
1499 posts
Bumble bee

My in laws live about 30 minutes away, we maybe see them once every other month. While my Mother-In-Law and I have a very nice surface relationship, but that’s exactly what it is. She’s painfully quiet and shy, so it’s just hard to connect with her on a deeper level. I am actually very close to her best friend (like my husbands 2nd mom, they’ve been friends for 30+ years) and it sucks because I wish I had that relationship with my actual Mother-In-Law. Most of my contact with his parents involve my husband, but I did make an effort to include her in wedding planning and have had dinner with them myself occasionally while my husband was at work. 

Post # 27
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020 - Windermere, Cumbria

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anabolina :  I’m so sorry for your loss.

Post # 28
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

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soexcited123 :  My Mother-In-Law and I like each other but we aren’t aren’t close. She is treats me well, but we don’t have a close relationship. She is a reserved person and that’s okay. I’m also a sensitive person, but I don’t get offended at all that she is much closer with her daughter than she is with me. In fact, I would always expect her to be closer with her daughter than she is with me.

I don’t think that you can expect to be as close with your in laws as their own kids are. Sure, sometimes it happens, but I don’t think it’s the norm. The in-law relationship is usually going to be different than the one that they have with their children who lived with them and were raised by them.

For example, my mom loves my brother’s girlfriend and we try to include her in our family life and will invite her to some outings, but (no offense) she is never going to have the relationship that my mom and I have. My  mom and I have always been close and we talk a lot. There is no way that anyone could catch up. And we are allowed to hang out, just the two of us. She is my mother after all.

I think you can have an amazing relationship with your in laws, but in general I feel like it’s probably not productive to compare your relationship to the one they have with their own kids.

View original reply
desiderata :  Your in laws sound like mine. They’re good people and are good to me, but they are very reserved as people. And that’s okay, some people are like that. 

Post # 29
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2019 - City, State

My Future Mother-In-Law and I get along great. I live a few hours away, so we don’t get together regularly for lunch, but when my Fiance and I go visit, we get together and catch up. She’s been trying to help out with the wedding with whatever she can and has been very sweet about it. I am thankful to have her as my mother in law! 

Post # 30
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

My Future Mother-In-Law is wonderful and treats me very well. She lives in another country and the language barrier makes our conversations somewhat limited, so I can’t say we’re super close. 

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