(Closed) How Bad is It….

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

Why can’t they all be maids of honor? There’s no rule saying you have to have just one.

Post # 4
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

You still have a lot of time. I would wait a bit to see who actually steps up and starts to offer to help you with things and also who follows through and who, if any of them, will get jealous.

Post # 5
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly I wouldn’t include someone just because they were being super excited for you. The two most excited of my girlfriends were upset when I told them I wasn’t including them in the wedding party but I asked them to be a different part of my wedding and they’re thrilled about that (one is going to be setting up the reception site for me on the day and one is going to be doing the alterations on my dress). Just my 2cents. 

Post # 7
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Be careful with the whole thing.  I was in a similar situation, and one of the bridesmaids thought she was going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and was royally pissed when she wasn’t.  I picked 2 MOHs and she tried to make herself the third Maid/Matron of Honor.

 

Post # 9
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think you should definitely wait to ask anyone. You have a long time. You can wait until the Fall, and in the meantime see what happens to the friendship!!

Post # 10
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I was in the exact same situation. I have a group of 4 friends, and I asked two of them to be bridesmaids and did not ask the other two. When they found out that they were not bridesmaids, there was a huge blowout and a lot of mean emails going back and forth. At the time, I sincerely wished I had just asked all of them, to avoid the drama. But now that it’s calmed down, I’m glad I stuck to what I wanted to do, especially since the two girls who are not bridesmaids have not been a part of my life since that fight (no emailing, phone calls, etc). I personally think it’s ridiculous to end a friendship over something as silly as not being a bridesmaid, and if that’s the kind of people they are, then I just don’t have the energy or desire to chase after them and beg them to forgive me.

Lol, sorry for the long rant, but I’ve been where you are. And I don’t know the girls who you don’t want to be bridesmaids, but I would be prepared for some hurt feelings, even if you think they won’t really care (I didn’t think the 2 girls I didn’t choose would really be upset, considering we weren’t really that close anymore by the time I picked bridesmaids). So you have to decide what’s more important to you–keeping the peace, or sticking to who you really want with you up there.

But I DEFINITELY agree with waiting to ask ANYONE. I didn’t officially ask my girls til like 8 months before. If, at 8 months before your wedding, you haven’t really talked to those other 3 girls in months, then your decision will be a lot easier. So definitely wait–there’s no rush!

Post # 12
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yeah I wanted a small bridal party too, I’m only having 4 girls. At the end of the day, I really thought about who I wanted my bridesmaids to be. I wanted them to be people who were an active part of my life, who cared about what was going on in my life, and vice versa. If all the girls are legitimately close to you and you want them all, then don’t NOT have them just because of the numbers. However, if they’re really not that close with you, then I guess you have to decide if you’re okay with the drama that will inevitably ensue, unfortunately.

Post # 14
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I was in a similar situation but I had my two sisters, my Maid/Matron of Honor who is my best friend and my two other close friends. Initially I didn’t want to ask the two other friends because they cause drama sometimes and haven’t always been the most supportive, but we’ve been friends for years and I knew it would cause huge drama to not ask them so I did…and now I’m kinda regretting it. As upset as they would’ve been that I didn’t ask them, I feel like I could have lived with that more than dealing with two bridesmaids who really aren’t that great at being good friends. I don’t want them in my wedding party anymore but obviously I would just create even bigger drama by kicking them out. They aren’t excited for me at all, never ever ask about my fiance or invite me to things anymore, it’s a one sided relationship now. The sad thing is my wedding is 2 years away so who knows how much worse it will get before the wedding! I really wish I had waited to ask them so I would definitely recommend waiting a bit to make your decision. I never knew anyone who has gotten married before so I had no idea that I should wait to pick my bridesmaids, but trust me, it’s definitely worth taking the time to make the right decision for you.

My advice would be to do only what you are comfortable with…so if that means only asking the two then do it. It’s better than having so many ppl that you regret having. If you have drifted with some of them then they should understand that and be supportive of your decision. The day is about you and your fiance and if they really are your friends then they will understand that and just be happy to be a guest at your wedding. Good luck!

Post # 15
Hostess
16215 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Unfortunately, friendships often evolve like this.

I’m going to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in one of my BM’s weddings just three weeks before mine. She, too, felt like she had to include all three of her close HS friends, rather than just asking one to be her Maid/Matron of Honor like she wanted. However, when she really thought about it, she realized that she’s really only stayed close to the one. She ended up not including the other two, and while she was prepared for a bit of hurt feelings, she swiftly discovered that she had made the right choice, as the other two cared more about the title of Bridesmaid or Best Man than the fact that their friend is happy, in love and getting married.

Don’t feel pressured to include them. Being “simply” a guest is already a major honor, in my opinion.

Post # 16
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I was sort of in your situation, where I had a really close group of three girlfriends from high school.  I only asked one to be in the wedding, because she was the one I was consistently closest to.  I think your friends will understand.  Mine did, at least.

Don’t feel pressured to pick anyone out of obgligation. 

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