Post # 1
So my Maid/Matron of Honor says that b/c she’s going to Europe (on a vacation to do a hike I told her about and gave her guides for) the week after my wedding, she can’t leave work 4 hours earlier to attend my rehearsal. At first I was like, ‘Um okay’. Now I’m feeling stressed. I’m obviously hurt…but also, I’m worried that she won’t know what to do (like get my bouquet etc). I know there isn’t tons, but still, I feel like it’ll be added stress for me. So I’m wondering if I’m overreacting.
I should add, Maid/Matron of Honor in general has been kind of difficult:
How to handle Maid/Matron of Honor
Post # 3
I’m going to put other because I don’t think you’re overreacting per ce. I think it’s understandable to feel a little down about it and stuff, but as long as you tell her what she missed out on I think it will be ok. If things don’t go exactly as they should, it’s ok. it doesn’t have to be PERFECT and if that is what you are expecting, you will have a very stressfilled day. Even if you have to kind of smash the bouquet into her hands, she’ll get it and grab them from you. Our wedding ceremony wasn’t totally perfect, but I absolutely loved it and wouldn’t have changed anything. It’ll be ok if she isn’t there, imo.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I think you’re right and she’s right. 🙂 It’s totally annoying when crucial attendants can’t make things like a rehearsal because it means you need to make sure that they know what to do the day of. But if she’s already using her vacation time, it’s probably hard for her to get another half-day and I see where she is coming from… and honestly, it may be annoying to get her up to speed, but it will take all of fifteen seconds.
Post # 5
See, this kind of thing bothers me, and I definitely voted that this is ridiculous.
I’m NOT in favor of abusing wedding party members by having them do your favors for you, assemble programs, and overall, be your slave for a year before the wedding. In fact, I believe a bride should do what she can to make it easy on the girls. I let my girls pick their own dresses, shoes, and I even picked up all the dresses for them and mailed them out so they didn’t have to worry about it. I didn’t ask for a shower or b’ette party, either, because honestly, I didn’t want either. However, I DO expect them to be there for all wedding related events, including the rehearsal dinner. We gave everyone in our wedding party plenty of notice, and when they accepted the position, we made it very clear we where we needed them and when. If my Maid/Matron of Honor (my sister) said she couldn’t cleave a few hours earlier to be there for the rehearsal, I’d be really upset and probably angry about it. Yeah, they do have to take a day off work, but they knew that ahead of time, and honestly, they were happy to do it (my girls are all family).
I’m not sure what’s going on with your Maid/Matron of Honor. I read your other posts, and all I can say is that I’m really sorry this is happening, and that I don’t think you’re wrong to feel hurt and upset.
Post # 6
It is frustrating, and definitely stressful, and I don’t want to say you are over-reacting, but I think it will turn out better than you think it will. The other bridesmaids will be able to step in and help you, either by filling her in or just taking care of it on the day-of.
Post # 7
I guess I would be more lenient if it weren’t for everything else. And for the fact that she planned her trip to Europe like a month ago, and I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor last September! What’s more frustrating is that I told her how great that trip was, and that she should go sometime (and she is/was relying on my help to plan it). Work is stressful…I understand that. But if she found it too inconvenient to be in my wedding, then I think she should have let me know that in advance. Part of me does not at all want her standing next to me when I get married. Seriously…I kind of want to switch the order (even if I keep her title). Would that be terrible? I only have her, my brother, and 1 other Bridesmaid or Best Man. My sister will be 6 days from her due date, so very unlikely she’ll be standing up.
Post # 8
Okay, I had a long-ish talk with my Maid/Matron of Honor yesterday, and she basically let me know that it’s too stressful to be around my family, she’s having a hard time, and what she’s doing is her limit. I guess that’s fine, but I really am not feeling supported by her and *don’t* want her standing right next to me when I get married. I don’t know if that’s bridezilla-y of me or not, but that’s how I feel and it’s my marriage so I want to have people who are supportive of it there.
The question is, how do I handle this? My sister thinks I should tell her that my Maid/Matron of Honor expectations include being supportive/helpful, so maybe it’s better to just have her be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. My sister is matron of honor, but also more than 8 mos pregnant so most likely unable to stand up for a 30 min ceremony in August heat. I *hate* the idea of demoting her title. I was thinking it might be better to jsut say, that I’m more comfortable having the person dealing with logistics like fixing my dress, holding the bouquet, etc be at the rehearsal, so I’m switching the order. Which is worse? And how should I tell her? I did not enjoy talking to her b/c she made it be all about her, even when I point blank told her that I needed to not have so much negative energy around me. So I’m thinking of a thought out email (it’s also easier to express myself in writing)…is this horrible? Help!
Post # 9
I think it’s fair to tell her – Look, if you can’t be at the rehearsal, you’re not going to know what you need to do, and Maid/Matron of Honor duties at the wedding itself are more complicated than the other BMs so I can’t have you up there as Maid/Matron of Honor not knowing what you’re doing. Do you think your sister could handle the ceremony duties even though she’s 8 months pregnant? Maybe you could arrange something so she could be seated for part of it? You can’t and SHOULD NOT be responsible for doing an extra run through just for her on the day of your wedding. Would some of your BMs maybe be willing to walk her through it on the day of if you absolutely refuse to demote her? You need your Maid/Matron of Honor of all people to know what they are doing up there.
Post # 10
Is your sister willing to stand beside you for the ceremony? I know everyone’s limit is different while pregnant, (I worked 56 hours a week as a retail manager in a large store all the way up until three days before my daughter was born but some people cannot.) she may be just fine standing up with you. It’s not a very long time to stand up, just don’t lock those knees! If she feels like she better not, I think letting your Maid/Matron of Honor know that you wanted to make sure things went smoothly and to take a bit of the pressure off her so you are having a different bridesmaid stand beside you. (Maybe making it about her will be beneficial for you!) Hopefully she’ll understand that. Afterall it’s not because you don’t "like her" but you wanted to relieve the stress for her and make it a good day for everyone.
Good luck and I hope everything goes fantastic!
Post # 11
Thanks for the reassurance Kittyachi. My sister is going to do what she can, but it’s not unlikely that she’ll be a nursing new mom (she’s due 6 days after). I just can’t count on it. April i’m leaning toward having it not be a demotion so much as just about her not being there. I’m hoping that won’t be weird…