Post # 1
I don’t want to sway your opinion with my stories… I just want to know – did you doubt things when you got engaged? How did you feel? What did you decide to do and how did it turn out?
Some days I don’t feel sure because I don’t feel happy with how my fiance is acting right now. But that’s the logical part of me that analyses EVERYTHING. My heart loves him to death.
Post # 2
Honestly, I had absolutely no doubts. I was more than ready. But then again, we had been together for 10 yeaes when we got married. Yes, marriage is a huge commitment, but I knew my Darling Husband really well and knew our relationship was strong and ready for the next step.
OP, if you are having any doubts, I think you need to take time to reflect and think about where those doubts are coming from. Some worry is normal, but major doubts might be a sign to slow down and reasses the the situation.
Post # 3
Are you really planning a wedding for Feb 2016? I felt 100% sure during our engagement. I wasn’t at all nervous and neither was he. We were both happy and excited to get married. Even if you love him to death, that doesn’t mean that you will have a happy marriage. If you knew that he was going to treat you like he is now for the next 50 years, would you marry him? Is there been a sudden change in your relationship or with him? It’s hard to tell you more without knowing more, and then again it would be difficult to advise you, but if you are having doubts, at least postpone your wedding. Good luck with your decision.
Post # 4
bmo88: Thank you so much for the reply. How do I talk about this with my fiance without causing a huge fight? He has absolutely no doubts and has very huge issues with abandonment or anything that would seem like I’m not 100% in the relationship.
Post # 5
I was very doubtful about throwing a wedding. Absolutely no doubts about getting married. We did start talking about marriage 3 years before we were engaged and at the beginning I felt doubtful he was the one. Eventually I was ready and we eloped!
Post # 6
creativeplannertobee: Yes, we’ve chosen February 13, 2016 and even have a meeting to book the venue in a few weeks. I’m not sure what’s better for our relationship – saying everything needs to be postponed or just quietly carrying on and seeing what happens. I’m not too concerned about losing deposits – it sucks but it’s not my biggest worry.
Since about a month ago he seems to be acting different – meaner and with a big wall up. He hasn’t been a very good partner to be perfectly honest and the more I try to talk to him the more upset he gets and the more the wall goes up. There are lots of little details and I can list a few if it’ll help but I’m not sure it will.
He has some issues with abandonment and his reaction is to lash out. I injured myself about a month ago (concussion) and have been off work recovering and he was so unsupportive I went to my parent’s out of town to try to get better. He was nicer and I was so excited about the wedding – planning and looking at dresses with my mom – aaand then he was weird again today and I felt off.
I find my triggers for these feelings are when he is selfish – especially towards his four year old son. It was his day with him today and he put him in daycare and went to the gym. Also his son I suppose depends on me a lot and was so upset that I wasn’t there today that he wouldn’t talk to me – so my fiance told him they could drive up for the weekend (I’m suppose to be here for two weeks as we were visiting for thanksgiving anyway and the car ride makes me sick). His son was happy with that but then later my fiance said to me “like hell I’m doing that, I’m not putting a 4 year old in a car for 6 hours each way”. It really left me with a pit in my stomach. He was also poking me about my concussion – he feels like I should be back at work but I am extremely dizzy all the time and sleep most of the day still. It felt like he didn’t believe that I was injured. These sorts of things tend to make me feel this way for a while, but then I go back to being excited.
Post # 7
- Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base
I’m 100% certain and ready to be married. I do doubt I want to spend money on my wedding and would rather elope.
Post # 8
JTrain: based on your update, your Fiance doesn’t seem capable of being a good husband and father right now. So it makes sense that your gut wants to put off the commitment. I think you are very smart to trust your gut. More time will give you a chance to see what he’s capable of. If he loves you, he will care about your feelings and needs.
Post # 9
Tinatiny1: I think I replied to your message instead (new to the site!) but thank you so much for your insight! Sometimes it can be hard to see when you are on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.
Post # 10
angyjaxon: Thanks for the insight!
Post # 11
JTrain: I wouldn’t be prepared to marry a man like that. I had no doubts I wanted to be with my dh. Granted we fought the day before the wedding due to people interfering but I still wanted to marry him.
Post # 12
I have felt 100% sure for my whole engagement but we have been together nearly seven years. From your update I w oils not marry him
Post # 13
Based on your update, I wouldn’t marry someone like that. But.. I put up with zero bullshit ever. From anyone.
Being nervous about getting married is normal, having doubts is not a good Sign. By the time the week before our wedding rolled around, I was giddy with excitement. Trust your gut.
Post # 14
No, it’s not cold feet. Those are some serious red flags. If you don’t want to put up with his behavior your entire life, don’t marry him. He sounds incredibly self absorbed and if his child cant inspire him to be more selfless and caring, no one can. At the very least go to premarital counseling, but based on how he treats his kid I don’t have much faith.
Post # 15
I would not marry him. That poor little boy. Imagine having more children and having them treated that way. He does not sound like a good partner or dad.