(Closed) How “bad” is this?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How bad is it to only send save-the-dates to some people?
    Awful, really tacky : (10 votes)
    15 %
    Not a big deal at all : (48 votes)
    72 %
    Great idea, maybe I'll try that too (LOL) : (9 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    814 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    ha ha.. when i sent out save the dates, only about 20 of them made it to their original destination!! and still am having 125 people.  i secretly wished some wouldn’t be able to make it… but sent out less invitations that i did std’s and now i’m gonna have a packed house!

    Post # 4
    Member
    2207 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I only sent Save-The-Date Cards (hehe, still funny) to family and out of town guests.

    Post # 5
    Member
    343 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Save-the-dates are not “necessary” so it can’t be rude to not send them to people you invite.  It would be rude to send Save-The-Date Cards to people and then not invite them.  I might also worry about people not getting a STD, knowing people who did get one, and assuming they aren’t invited (that sort of thing).  But really, even in that situation, getting an invite after all would just be a nice surprise.  So go for it!

    Post # 6
    Member
    4765 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

    Definitely don’t think it’s a big deal! We have some people that we still haven’t decided whether or not they’ll be invited, so we’re only sending Save-The-Date Cards to those we KNOW we will invite.

    Post # 7
    Member
    406 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    That makes perfect sense.  We did not send out Save the Dates at all… but I wrote letters to the family members on our side who lived far away or whom I knew were super involved in their careers.

    Post # 8
    Member
    637 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I have to say, that I only sent save the dates to some people — but not for the exact same reason. 

    I didn’t send to people who were on my B-list of invitees (who aren’t really B-list FRIENDS, but its a pretty small wedding, and the “must invite” family is kind of taking up a lot of room), and people who I know would TALK to those people and drop something about the Save-The-Date Cards once they did get them.  

    It’s totally reasonable and I think Save-The-Date Cards aren’t necessary in the first place, so who cares if a few people didnt get them, as long as you send the invites out at a normal time.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    806 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think it’s totally fine, and I did it myself.  The only thing- you have to send one to everyone who might talk to each other.  For example, don’t do some cousins but not others if there’s a chance they’ll talk or get together before the wedding and it could come up in conversation.  You don’t want anyone to realize Save-The-Date Cards were sent but they weren’t included.  If you do it right, those not getting one will just thing you didn’t send them.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    We only sent save the dates to out of town people.  We were still making final decisions about in-town people and we also wanted to get some feedback from extended family and such to try to guess our numbers better.

    Just don’t make a big deal about it, no facebook statuses, etc. 😉

    Post # 11
    Member
    1955 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

    Not a big deal!! In fact, I highly recommend doing only some guests, rather than all! We, sadly, sent them to everyone and are now stuck with a huge guest list 🙁 There were def people on our list who a year later, it would not have been a big deal to cut but since we had sent them a Save The Date, it would be incredibly rude not to send them an invite…Only send out the STD’s to those you are 100% sure you want to invite!

    Post # 12
    Member
    1454 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I think it’s not “just fine” but also not “horrible.” You just need to be careful. A few of ours didn’t get delivered (thanks USPS) and one person in particular was REALLY upset, thinking it meant she wasn’t invited. I’d make sure certain GROUPS are sent them or not. Groups that do not interact.

    Post # 13
    Member
    555 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Really isn’t a Save the Date a heads up of sorts anyway and if there are people that it wouldn’t break your heart not to have there then it doesn’t matter just a regular invite should be just fine!

    Post # 14
    Member
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    We only sent out Save the Dates to family members and close family friends.  They are NOT a necessity, no matter what the Knot says.  We didn’t bother sending them to people in our immediate social circle of friends, because we talk with them constantly, and most of them are internet savvy. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1763 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    We sent them to almost everybody. The one thing that we did was sending them to each “family”. I have a lot of college age cousins so we decided instead of sending them to every person that didn’t live at home to do a family one to the parents. I figured most of them would see them at their parents. I addressed the envelopes as “Joe and Jane Smith and family”. Fiance got a little backlash about this yesterday, but I think what we did was fine.  

    Post # 16
    Member
    2054 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    oh whoops! I think i misread…i dont think its a big deal at all…but I put awful really tacky! I thought you meant sending out save the dates but not inviting the people you sent the save the dates to. haha. I think thats fine!

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