(Closed) how becoming a mother changes a woman – article

posted 8 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 17
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

@FortiesFlare:  +1 I agree.

I am also a mother and pregnant with my second. I found this to be super dramatic. I can see relating to this in the “new mom” stage more haha, but once you get into the grind of it you’re still you, just like when you get a promotion that has a ton of responsibility you’re still you, when you get married, and so on. Little things change during our lives but I am still my same old awesome self, albeit more tired. Perhaps a little more boring.

Post # 18
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Zhabeego:  FWIW, I don’t think you were being harsh!  I’m so sick of all the weird bragging mommyblogging/facebooking crap online these days.  Oh great, you’re a Mother.  My Mom birthed and raised 3 children and doesn’t go on about how her life was soooo changed and she was changed as a person and all that nonsense, nor does she act like she’s some sort of saintly superhero for doing it.  

Post # 20
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m in the camp with PP that this is a bit dramatic. I’ve felt some of these things, but I wouldn’t say my old self is “dead”. She’s just got a babysitter on speed dial.

But I will agree, there is a transformation that happens, and you feel it in your bones, your soul. And I think @Feist: that is what the blogger means. She’s not putting down, or comparing giving birth to other major life accomplishments – like becoming a doctor, which obviouly takes a lot of time, money and dedication. She’s saying that graduating from med school doesn’t change your inner self like becoming a mother does. 

Post # 21
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I am pregnant and about to be a FTM and that artivle made me want to throw up!! Haha. I am so excited to meet my little girl but I am so afraid of how it is going to change me, my husband, and our relationship. 

Post # 22
Member
2265 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Lana_Rose:  I’m sorry, but getting pregnant is not an achievement. Any cockroach can get pregnant. I’m not trying to say it isn’t special or unique for the pregnant woman but…there are already seven billion people on the planet. It’s been done. A lot.  

One of the greatest things a woman can achieve? Only when we didn’t have other options or opportunities. In fact, that very thinking was used and is still used to oppress women and women like this blogger perpetuate it to boost her shaky sense of self. 

This mommy blogger is pathetic. She over-dramatizes her life and tries to make stay-at-home mommy hood sound far more difficult and epic than it is.  She has a real ax to grind with child free women and drips scorn on women who actually have achieved things.  The only reason she has a following is that her readers like having this particular brand of disingenuous smoke blown up their asses. 

Being a mom changes you? Okay. You know what else changes you? Getting an education. Getting a job. Traveling. Conquering your fears. Growing up. Life. But she wants to act as if motherhood eclipses all of that when she must know it doesn’t.  It speaks more to her own insecurity and perhaps regret than anything else. 

Post # 23
Member
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I as diagnosed with PPD, and I think this is dramatic. I never felt like I died, or like my old self was gone. I was tired and anxious and weepy, but dead and gone? No. It is a transformation. It’s hard. But this is just dramatic.

 

 

 

Post # 24
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@Zhabeego:  completely, totally, wholly agree. If you want to throw up, read the comments on that post. There are a couple along the lines of our thinking, but the rest are repulsive. “I want to stay at home and lose myself in my children!” Oh my god, these poor sad women.

 

Post # 26
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I see what she’s getting at, but it’s that thread of sancti-mommy coming through that makes me unable to appreciate her point fully. Admittedly, I’m not a parent, so I’m not speaking from experience here, but to be dramatic like .. “my previous self DIED my identity DIED”. I mean good Lord. Tone it back a notch please. I have no doubt the change in your lifestyle after having a baby is huge, but I don’t buy that you will maintain no other sense of self or identifiable personality afterwards. 

I also found her opening comment about transition being “PPD” to be out of line. To minimalize the condition like that and by extension the women who experience it is incredibly self righteous of her. And no, saying “I had it so I know” does not make it okay. 

As for pulling that martyr nonsense in regards to the husband… I just can’t.

 

 

Post # 28
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Zhabeego:  I don’t think it could have been said better.

Post # 29
Member
2592 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’ll be a mom in 4 and a half months. I understand what she’s saying but come on. Yes when youe baby is a BABY you will have to be there always and can’t do what you want at the very moment you want to, but you’re still you, a better you. A you with more love and more hope but still you! As your baby grows you will too and adapt to your new lifestyle.

Post # 30
Member
2265 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@GoldfishPie:  Oy. I just read some of the comments and found out our blogger got unexpectedly pregnant at 22 after knowing her husband for three months.

That explains a lot.

She was comforting another of the commentors who revealed she also got unexpectedly pregnant at 18, was all but illiterate and sad that her friends had options she doesn’t anymore. Of course she was encouraged to see herself as better off, as doing the most important job in the world! 

Its not that I don’t think women who choose to keep their kids and sacrifice for them aren’t worthy of admiration – they are. But…that poor girl. I hope she does more for herself. Gets more for herself.

Post # 31
Member
1225 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Miss Grey:  I understand that, but there is a false comparison when she talks about becoming a mom as an accomplishment, and then diminishing much harder accomplishments because they don’t have the after-effects of giving birth. Becoming a doctor is an accomplishment brought about by years of work and a slow transformation in how you view people. Becoming a mother is a life change. but sorry, for most women there are much bigger accomplishments than giving birth that should be bigger deals. Like birthing a doctoral thesis. Now, actually raising a kid is another story, I do not want to diminish that, or difficult pregnancies, or PPD. But this woman is ridiculous.

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