(Closed) how becoming a mother changes a woman – article

posted 8 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 47
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@BrideToBe14:  I always wonder if those women who just aim to stay home and have kids and devote their lives to their kids, do they expect their daughters to just get married and stay at home? Do they raise them that way? I strongly believe what feminists have achieved is giving women the choice (for those that can afford it at all) but I can’t help but feel having a stay at home mom that is defined by her ability to raise children would negatively impact her daughters.  

 

My mom had two kids and worked the whole time. She finished her senior year of college pregnant with me and launched her career while I was still in diapers. AND she still came home and did all the cleaning and cooking.  Now that to me is am achievement.

Post # 48
Member
7571 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  Becoming a mom is life altering in ways that nothing else ever can be. It changes who you are, and it happens in an instant. It’s a pretty incredible experience.

Wow are you for real? Way to be dismissive of every other humans life altering situation. Is it any wonder so many people dislike sanctimums like the blooger in question and the diatribe they so smugly spew forth.

Come and speak to my under 40 breast cancer surviver support group. The women that have had their femininity and body parts rip from them, who have been told to never expect to have kids due to treatment and who have to listen to the kind of tripe that comes out of the mouths of women like you and the blogger. The majority of the women in my group are under 30. And then maybe we can have a discussion on life altering situations and how you can think becoming a mother is more status worthy than any other situation. Sheesh.

 

 

 

Post # 49
Member
6430 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@j_jaye:  Oh please, calm down. Maybe it would be more accurate to say that it changes your life in a different way than anything else does…that doesn’t mean I think moms are better than anyone else or anything. Relax.

Post # 50
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

ZhabeegoI am taking all of your posts negatively.  I’m sorry to tell you that NOT everyone can get pregnant.  Getting pregnant, having a baby is an achievement for some.  This hit a little too close to home seeing as a close friend just had an egg retrieval for her first IVF cycle today.  She has spent thousands of dollars and five years trying to become a mother.  When she gets pregnant, it will be an achievement.  I hope you never have to deal with infertility issues yourself.

Post # 51
Member
7571 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  Then maybe you should have written that. Maybe if people like yourself and this blogger though about how what they wrote sounds to other people then maybe the term sanctimum wouldn’t even exist. By the way I don’t think your rewrite is any better. It still sounds sanctimum like and that you think it is more life altering than anything else because it is so different to anything else someone might go through.

But then again I think that people usually write what they think and then try and explain it away as unintentional. If you don’t actually think like that then you would never have written it in the first place.

 

Post # 52
Member
6430 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@j_jaye:  Well obviously, yes, becoming a mom has been more life altering to ME than anything else I have been through, and that’s why I said it. Nothing about what I said was sanctimom. I don’t get why you’re so offended, sore subject for you or something? Who are you to say that becoming a mom isn’t the most life altering experience anyway?

Post # 53
Member
7571 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  I am not to say but then again I would never assume that my life altering experience is any less/more valid or important than anyone elses. it is not a competition.

 

But then again it seems like sanctimums love nothing more than making womanhood and parenting about competition and one upsmanship.

 

Enjoy being a mum.

 

Post # 54
Member
6430 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@j_jaye:  Hmm, that’s interesting considering that it seems way more common (even in this thread) for women to try to bash people who are moms.

Post # 55
Member
7571 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  I don’t bash mums in general. It is a hard job. I just don’t like when people think that their lot in life is way worse than anyone elses. Espeecially when we are talking about a choice which becoming a parent is.

I don’t think anyone in this thread was bashing mums in general but just those that would be classed as sanctimums. But sanctimums are normally pretty good at and more often go about bashing other mothers. I hate all this competion that parents seem to have with both other parents and with non-parents. I really don’t care what parents do, how they choose to raise their kids or live their life (unless they are breaking the law) until they start making themselves out to be better than others, that their lives are so much harder and that their sacrifices mean so much more.

 

Post # 56
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@BrideToBe14:  +1!!  I don’t think having a baby is an amazing accomplishment, but raising a good person is definitely a great accomplishment to be proud of!  But that doesn’t mean it’s the MOST amazing thing you could EVER accomplish in your life.  Also, I could totally relate to your rant! 🙂  Even if I have kids one day, I personally would need my own source of income.  Ex- my lovely hard working Stay-At-Home Mom friend with #2 on the way- Working dad gets a new TV for the man cave for Christmas, a new watch, and Stay-At-Home Mom gets… a new vacuum.  No thanks!

Post # 57
Member
6430 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@j_jaye:  I don’t think anyone was saying that being a mom makes their lives way harder than anyone else’s. I certainly wasn’t. That’s not what the article was about.

Post # 58
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I get part od what she is saying. The me before I was a Mom IS dead. Never will I be that exact person ever again…. it’s a GOOD thing. Going through major life changes SHOULD change you, shake you to your core, scare you, excite you and at the end of the day teach you and evolve you into a better version of yourself. I have had a few ” holy shit” soul searching moments when it hits me that I am forever tied to these little humans and I will be theirs until the day I die. It’s scary when you think about it- just about anything in life you can quit, un do, drop, walk away from and this can’t. Once you are a Mother there is no going back. For someone that is hesitant to commit the idea of that CAN be overhwelming at times. 

That being said I am still me! I am still funny, have friends, have a job, an education, hobbies, I’m still a sexual creature. I’m me, just different. Being a Mother is absolutely the best thing I have ever done and I don’t care how far up the corperate ladder I get to ME it will always be my greatest achievement. I don’t care that ” cockroaches can get pregnant”. I don’t care if no one else feels how I do. part of being a strong woman is recognizing what is right for you and for me being a Mother is right for me and is my top priority. 

Post # 60
Member
2492 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Just chiming in to say that cockroaches lay eggs- they don’t get pregnant. Carry on. 

Post # 61
Member
4554 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

She sounds like she has more than a little bit of a martyr complex. I think part of the reason we are seeing the behavior problems we are seeing with some children is that mothers like this are making children the absolute center of their universe.

Not having friends, hobbies, a career or alone time do not make you a better mother. There is no gold medal for whoever gives up the most, and I honestly women who continue focusing on their marriages, friendships and careers are much better role models than the “I gave up everything and my life is now nothing more than this child” women.

She is a good writer, but this is kind of dumb. If becoming a mother was such an accomplishment, it’s unlikely she would have been able to come by it accidentally.

 

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