(Closed) how becoming a mother changes a woman – article

posted 8 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 62
Member
1534 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Oh for heavens sake that was painful to read.  The martyr complex on this blogger is unfathomable. I don’t doubt that becoming a mother is a life altering experience (as it should be) but to totally minimize her own husband?  How sad!  There are fathers out there that are their children’s primary caretakers. 

I agree with the PP that mentioned that this type of overly child-centered thinking is resulting in an enormous portion of this generation being brought up to think that their every move is worthy of 1st prize and a trophy. It’s completely unrealistic and doing a huge disservice to the children.

also not a fan of how she seems to minimize PPD even though she says she struggled with it.  The whole blog post seems over the top and unnecessarily dramatic. 

Post # 63
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If having children means killing off my identity as an individual, I’d rather carve out my uterus with a rusty spoon. 

Post # 64
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@mixtapehearts: This. 

Personally, this resonated with me.  I definitely went through a mourning period when I became a mother and I had my fair share of “what the f#$k have I done?!” moments.

I can only speak for myself, but I found a lot of truth in her words.

Post # 65
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Can I just say that I am so tired of reading blogs that claim motherhood is the holy grail and no one else has achieved anything until they have accomplished that? The mommy blogs are just ravenous these days. It makes my heart wrench for everyone.

 

Let’s just clear something up before I proceed.. I admire moms, I do. They do great work, have a hard job and definitely have an important one too. Kudos moms, we couldnt do it without you.

 

But lets face it. We can’t ALL have kids. And that doesnt make a childless woman any less important, powerful or potentially changed From other experiences. For some women, becoming a Mother will be their door to their new self and some women will be altered by other things.

 

Also, the way she totally like, puts her husband down, that really got me down. It’s not like he chose to not get the stretch marks.. He doesnt exacty have a choice in the matter. It sounded seriously belittling of her kids dad and I thought that was harsh. Takes two to tango, you couldn’t have done it without him 😉

 

Post # 66
Member
788 posts
Busy bee

@lilek22:  Wow that is amazing that your mom did ALL of those things.  That is an interesting thought…do they want their daughters to just be stay at home mom’s too?  Probably…Also I can’t help but think that these women who want 5 children, were told by their husbands that until they have kids their husbands would like them to work.  So they  of course had them as soon as they can, because they don’t want to work…  Also having 5 kids will keep them not having to work for 20-30 years…My whole aspect on this is…okay so yeah your identity in life and purpose becomes being a mother…so what happens when they all grow up and move out…Your identity of a “mother” is no longer a daily job…A lot of women experience severe depression and a psychology theory called “empty nest syndrome”.  Try asking these older women what their favorite color is, what their hobby is, what they enjoy doing and a lot of them are at a lost for words.  They put everything, their entire whole being in being just a nurtuing mother without ever advancing their skills, talents, or education and then 20 years later they are left with little to do and go craaaazy.  Okay maybe that was a HUGE generalization, but I will say I see it Happen all the time!  Also I have heard many women say…when thei husband asks if they can get a job and they don’t even have kids yet…the women say this.. ” UM I didn’t sign up for this or that” Nope I am never working.. I just want to slap the troll face byatch that said that, she totally married her husband so she could be a lazy, stay at home wife…she never cleans, barely cooks, never even keeps her body in decent shape. She is so cruel to her husband and I feel so bad for him, all she does is make fun of him to demasculate him.

 

Post # 67
Member
788 posts
Busy bee

@HeartsandSparkles:  Agreed:) I remember when one of my friends got me a present for getting engaged and it was like $50(it was from her not her husband), so since her husband paid for it…he had to come out of his room and watch me open it, literaly stared at me while I was opening it to make sure I liked it since he paid for it, but then he went back into his room.  It was really odd, he didn’t say ONE word…and it was so obvious he was looking at me like I paid for it, so you better have a good reaction opening it, lol.  She also has to ask every time she buys something, its so pathetic. 

Post # 68
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My husband has been having a bit of baby-fever lately so I’ve been thinking about kids a lot and this article just made me want to get my tubes tied lol. I am so relieved to see moms on this board say this is dramatic. I realize that things will change drastically for me and my hubby, but she just makes the whole thing sound awful.

Post # 68
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

One of the person above asked if stay at home mom expects her daughter to be the same.

😉 

My mom is a stay at home mom, but not by choice. It’s a long story but anyway, despite the fact that she is a stay at home and raises 4 kids, she never expected us to be the same. Instead she always tells us to be independed so we dont have to be depended on others. For example. we dont have to ask our husbands for money or etc. 🙂

Post # 69
Member
3910 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Yup! 100% 

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