Post # 1
Background info: my boyfriend is likely somewhere on the Asperger’s/autism spectrum
My boyfriend and I were at a Superbowl party and after the game they showed a man with a small child and people watching with us were debating on whether it was a daughter or granddaughter.
My boyfriend says in what I interpreted as a gleeful voice “Men can have kids for a very long time…if you’re 80 and she’s 18 it’s going to work”
At this point I left the room and went to stand by a window in the kitchen. He came to find me a couple minutes later and we left the party. He kept asking me why I was so quiet on the way home.
When we got to his place, after some more questioning from him and saying he was confused, I explained that his comment had been insensitive to every woman in the room. He said he was just stating facts and didn’t understand what was the matter, that he didn’t mean it as a affront. I gave up explaining at that point and told him that the subject of men being able to have children longer was not one that should be talked about at parties. He assented and we made up.
What would have been a better way to handle this? Do you all agree that his comment was out of line?
Post # 2
I think in the context of the conversation there was nothing out of line with his comment. I think you were being oversensitive and owe him an apology.
Post # 3
I get what he was trying to say and I wouldn’t have been offended.
Post # 4
j_jaye : I can’t have kids, so maybe that was part of what made me so sensitive…also the tone had a lot to do with how I reacted
Post # 5
Well, it IS a fact that men can have children longer than women. I don’t see how mentioning that in a reasonable context is going to insult anyone.
If there were a woman in the room unable to have children due to early menopause, it would be insensitive. But considering the setting and topic of conversation, I think you were the only one upset.
You owe him an apology. Cold shouldering him at a party? Leaving right away? Just to argue over something that wasn’t wrong of him? Yeah.
Post # 6
bouviebee : the party was over at that point and both of us needed to get sleep…so that’s why we left. Everyone at the party was in their 20s but you never know what they’re going through. I guess there could’ve been a more mature way for me to handle it though.
Post # 7
I have no idea why you reacted so badly. How was that insensitive to every woman in the room?
and told him that the subject of men being able to have children longer was not one that should be talked about at parties.
You are way overreacting, he made one comment.
Post # 8
lauralaura123 : it kind of offended me that you mentioned his health status more than anything, implying someone with this condition would say something so “offensive”. That is how I read it. Hopefully this situation won’t repeat itself.
Post # 9
Major overreaction on your part. I would have laughed if I would have heard his comment.
Post # 10
lauralaura123 : you’re hypersensitive maybe because you said you can’t have kids? I strongly suspect this is more about you than him.
Post # 11
I don’t think his comment needs “correcting”.
It’s certainly not fair, but it is true. I understand that it’s a sensitive topic for you, but what he said is factual, and wasn’t about you.
Post # 12
- Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK
I have unexplained infertility and that comment doesn’t upset me in any way. It is fairly accurate. I think your reaction was over the top.
Post # 13
Maybe a bit of overreaction, but I would cringe if my FH said something like that in a room of people. Not very classy.
Post # 14
You overreacted. However, I do believe there is research that states that even the guys age can impact fetal health (older sperm cause higher birth defects). So while an 80 year old potentially could conceive, that’s assuming he doesn’t have erectile dysfunction and has a healthy baby. Not sure if that makes you feel better. Still, his comment didn’t deserve a lecture… but I might have made a crack back about assuming they could still get hard.
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
His comment was maybe a bit weird, but not out of line (or false). I would not have felt offended by that, so I’m not sure why you felt justified to say that he was insensitive to every woman in the room. If you’re feeling hurt by something though, then it’s ok to sort that out for yourself, discover why it bothers you, and then perhaps have a conversation with him about it. But speaking for “all other women” isn’t necessary, and I think this situation might have warranted a little more self-reflection before you responded.